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Family Culture and Wild + Free
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Hi Everyone:
I’m hoping to talk to you guys about the tension I am feeling in our family function (culture). I’ve been homeschooling for 10 years and have 7 daughters, 5 of which are school aged. I was strictly concerned about just getting our schoolwork done for the first 6-7 years. Since my sister introduced me to SCM a few years back, I have been more interested in adding nature study and artist study, poems….etc. I am now seeing, just adding these things and shortening the lessons, does not give me the family culture I am seeing in “Wild + Free” groups or what would be desired in CM. (I wish we were all in a family room somewhere so we could talk about this). I used to think being CM was just about what curriculum I chose…..not I am seeing it is more of a lifestyle. BUT (please keep reading I know this is LONG)….I am sort of feeling like I am trying to force the family culture on being CM or Wild + Free for 2 reasons.1) My oldest 2 kids are in 10th and 8th and they just want to get school ‘done’ they are not interested in doing nature study and put up with poems and things. The oldest is really has never liked reading, but does it because she has to.
2) I feel sorta stuck because my husband doesn’t get the family culture thing I try and cultivate in the home. He is a very big fan of TV and this my friends, leads to me sorta of trying to get the kids to come outside with me or read something with me. I am not trying to be disrespectful of him, he engages with the children beautifully and works so hard for us, but when the TV is on, the kids flock to it. And I am certain TV would not be promoted but rather frowned upon in CM works. I feel torn. The TV issue is an every evening issue and a weekend issue, and in my mind, prevents us from connecting with games, books, conversation, and the like. But for me, these things are essential to the family culture I feel connected to by being on this forum for so long and learning about CM>
But just as big of an issue the TV is in family culture, is the wide age range of the children I have (15-2). When the older 2-3 don’t want to be a part of the way I am hoping to change things, it is a poor example to the younger crowd that ‘they don’t have to do it.’ I certainly don’t want to make the older kids do something they aren’t interested in……and I wish I would have started these things with them in the early years. But transitioning into a CM minded school when my oldest was in 6th or 7th grade, has consequences and she isn’t into it.
Can anyone speak to family culture and being SM minded, not in the curriculum aspect, but in family culture. And the TV issue when hubby is drawn to that. …….and then the kids are too.
Books articles to recommend….
Blessings.
Kelly Wright
What an excellent question! I can’t wait to see the responses.
I don’t have any advice. But I do agree with the poster that TV affects everything. After attending a family camp last week and listening to all the speakers, we decided to limit TV time for everyone to 2 hours on Saturday. We usually don’t watch any during the day. It is on occasionally at nights and is on lots during weekends and school break weeks. This week has been break week and it is amazing how well my children have done with no tv. They’ve played lots of board games, built forts, stalked birds to get their picture, etc…. But I’ll be honest and admit I have struggled. I’ve been much more productive around the house …… until I get really tired and then,since I can’t turn on the tv, guess who has been on her phone? arrrggggg. And I thought my husband was the problem when it came to using screens to entertain instead of interact. I think it’s me now. My screen is just little and portable.
Yes, I can certainly relate to the tv issue. It helps when dh puts his headphones on. But sometimes I still catch the children watching it, even without sound. I try to encourage them to find something else to do. Lately, they have been intersted in some hand-sewing projects and they do these in the evenings. I would really like to play more family board games/card games and work on handicrafts. I would love to have a family read-aloud instead of the television. But I settle for bedtime stories…when the tv doesn’t keep us up too late. This happens more than I would like. There is an older post on here that may help, but until your husband is on board with the idea, it will be a struggle. You will have to be more intentional with your evening time and activities and direct your children more. On nights when dh is away at a meeting, the children play very imaginatively together (tv is off). And we get to bed earlier. I will be praying for you and your family concerning this.
https://simplycharlottemason.com/scmforum/topic/getting-rid-of-tv/
Maybe one of these days you can be dusting behind the TV and it’ll “accidentally” slip. 😉
Only half-joking… it’s from an article in my church’s magazine. http://gratefulfortheride.blogspot.com/2008/07/kathleen-eyring-and-tv.html
So this sounds counterintuitive but what if you sat down and watched tv WITH them? Even if it’s for half the time but you showed an interest in where their interest lies. The connection you make with them can continue later with some conversations about what you were watching. After that set time, maybe you could ask someone to join you in xyz. And if they don’t, you just got yourself some alone mama time which is also really beneficial.
I’m not in the teen parenting years yet but one thing that sticks out from what I read of others is that you can show an interest in them and what they want and they are more open to your wants.
As far as nature study is concerned, can you take them all on a regularly scheduled hike with no intentions other than to be in nature? Can you ask an older teen to set up a family bird-watcing station? This can include selecting the feeder, seeds, location, posting a list of birds to identify to check off…
The hike will provide benefits beyond measure.
Gotta go but hopefully this gives you something to chew on.
I also have to remind myself that CM was an educator but not a homeschooling mom. Her students went home, and who knows what those kids did at home 🙂
I agree with above about showing interest in what the kids are interested in as well. I often watch shows that my kids, even when I am not interested but by showing interest, I think it shows I find their thoughts, interest, and opinions valuable. I can’t tell you how many hours I have spent doing legos with the kids, I have other things I could do but by taking interest in their interest they are more open to my suggestions. Puzzles are also a great group activity that allows for conversation and listening to books (smeaking education into fun, haha). Puzzles, legos, movies… they are not pary of CM education that she used but in my homeschooling house they have allowed for family time and learning time.
I also think that as kids get older letting go is ok, always invite them to join but if it is a good reason, let them do something else sometimes, if they are reading or working on something that they are excited about, a hobby or project, let them continue. Sometimes, yes have to say “it is a family event you are coming” as they roll their eyes, LOL
For us we do watch some TV but it has been fun finding old shows to watch as a family. HULU streams a lot of old TV shows which have been fun as a family.
Too add onto my previous ramblings, I think the biggest thing is to not compare or try to replicate too closely. I know for me I am true to the statement “comparison is the thief of contentment”. I have to remind myself that my family is like no other family and it is going to be different. I actually dont read many blogs or even talk homeschooling with other homeschool moms very often because it leads me down the path of comparison and then I am left discontent.
Also not sure if oldest are boys, but Raising Real Men by the Youngs is a fantastic resource for growing up boys (book, blog, and podcasts), but so much pertains to boys and girls. They have 6 boys and 2 girls with a large age span. I find them to be very encouraging and full of wisdom. They have been there, done that, and are in it (high school years).
I am in the same boat as far as husband liking to watch TV with kids and disliking outdoor time. Honestly, I don’t think trying to push that issue with husband is worth risking disharmony in the house. Try a small change, like family game night once a month or something.
My husband actually writes poetry as his hobby and has agreed a weekly poetry night would be fun, but we have yet to implement it!😊
For a long time I resented that my husband never took the boys outside without my asking him to, but really I know I just need to accept him, strengths and weaknesses.
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