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Explaining an out-of-wedlock pregnancy
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So I realize this may be way off-topic, but I would still appreciate any advice. We will be attending a rather small family gathering next weekend and my very pregnant, unmarried niece will be there. My two teenaged daughters already know about the situation and we’ve had many discussions about it. However, we haven’t told our 6-year old and I’m at a loss as to how to handle her questions when the time comes. My older girls never even thought it was physically possible to be unmarried and a mother until they were about 13 and they were old enough to talk about it. It’s actually been a very good way to talk to my older girls about heart issues and just how drastically their cousin’s life will change because of her actions. My 16-year old actually cried and said, “She doesn’t get to be a kid anymore!” We love our niece and will certainly love this baby. But again, I just don’t know how to approach it with my little one. I’m sad that she will know you can be pregnant and unmarried before the reverse idea had been firmly planted in her head and heart. I would appreciate any advice.
Are you concerned that your 6-year old is going to ask where the dad is?
I am pretty simple I guess. I would just tell her “Your cousin… is going to have a baby” and then see where the conversation leads. At 6 my children knew about families that were simgle parent families. Children that just had a mom. We never got into details, because they are personal, so if they said “why don’t they have a dad?” I simply said “I am not sure” and then continue to see where the conversation leads. Often I find that at that age if I let them lead with their questions, instead of me trying to explain, that they get their answers with out too much. As I can easily talk too much and confuse them.
At 6 I would not get into anything about “she made a wrong choice” or anything like that. It is very personal and details do not need to be shared. You don’t want her walking up and saying “you made a wrong choice and are having a baby?” or anything like that. I would keep it much simplier. And there is a good chance she will be more interested in the baby, having a baby to see, then the idea behind how the baby got there. Do questions come up when she sees other babies? Most 6 year olds are just excited about a baby, not as excited about the parents.
Considering that I looked very young, even through I was 24 when I had my first child. People thought I was in highschool and I got many “looks” and strange questions. I could not wear my wedding ring because my fingers swelled. It was a very strange feeling, but those questioning looks never came from children; always adults.
Sarah — yes, that was the question I am worried about, “Where’s the dad?” And you’re right, once I get talking I’m probably saying and explaining way too much. So just your advice to simply answer her questions succinctly is helpful. Thank you!
If it does come up and she is more insistant “but what about the dad?” You can simply say “sometimes a mom has a baby with out the dad being there, But Jeses created every baby with his plan and purpose and we love the baby and your cousin very much”
Or something like that. Simple but does not focus on the “why”
Following. I have always answered short and sweet like Sarah above advised. It has worked fine. But I know there will be a day when their questions are not so easily satisfied. And there will be other issues at some point. Going to the Bible for related verses will show them what His Word says.
My husband and I were were unsaved and unmarried when we got pregnant with our oldest. We always explained it as “we pretended to be married” when we are discussing ours or someone else’s situation with our younger kids.
I have to say…keep it simple. You may be surprised. Your little one may never ask. Like mentioned above she may be more interested in the baby. That was how it was with my daughter. Better to say nothing. If she does ask about the daddy I would whisper the answer in her ear. It will come to you when it happens. I remember my niece asking me why her sisters had a different last name than her. It came to me all of a sudden. Well they were born in Kansas and you were born in Illinois. That was good enough for her. When I told her mom she said, “that was a great answer”. She was wondering how she was going to tell her. It worked out great. So think just give it to g-d.
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