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expectations for 5yo boy
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We (esp hubby) are very frustrated with our bed time routine. Our 5yo will go upstairs easily but then he flitters from room to room even though we’ve asked him to go to his room. We usually end up in his room last as the other 2 children need more help getting dressed, etc. My son hates to be alone. My hubby views this as defiance/disobedience. We are really trying to get all of them to bed a little more peacefully but it’s always a fight/struggle with 1-2 of them. Is this typical or do your dc just head up to bed and do their routine and then get into bed? What we’re dealing with feels extreme but we’re living it so it very well may be normal. Any thoughts?
We just started family time after dinner and told them that at 730 they will go to bedrooms for pjs then bath, brush teeth, potty and then are expected to get into bed for prayers and good-nights. Dc are 7, 5, 2, 2mos. We do our read-aloud downstairs during family time.
It sounds pretty typical to me. 🙂 Until the habit is firmly embedded, at least my children tend to”flutter about” as much as possible. My suggestion is to remove the opportunity to disobey by providing more supervision. In my house, that would mean either having everyone who isn’t in the habit of getting into jammies, etc in the same room to change their clothes, or Mom sitting in the hallway so I can see what everyone is doing. Setting a timer also helps sometimes, and breaking the task into smaller pieces so they don’t get distracted as much. I would count this as much a maturity problem as obedience problem.
Am I understanding right that you send him up to do pjs/bath/teeth/potty/prayers on his own while you’re helping little ones?
We do things a bit differently, not a lot. My kids are 12, 8, 7, 5, 4, 2, 1, and 1 month. We have kids go upstairs to get pj’s on earlier in our evening than right at bedtime. With 8:30pm as bedtime we send them to put on pjs and pickup bedrooms at 7 or 7:30. Then it is downstairs with family for read alouds or scriptures, quiet activities, etc. At 8:15 everyone is told to go potty (only the youngers NEED the reminder, but we do have to get everyone in and out of 2 bathrooms)and meet at the couch for family prayer. Then one parent goes up with the older five (ages 4 up to 12) to tuck in and turn on the audio book in the hall. Kids also have booklights. The other parent stays downstairs with the 3 kids under age 3. Their bedtime routine follows (diapers, milk, snuggles, etc).
Our kids don’t get out of bed once they’ve gone up. It’s a severe breach if they do and they lose their booklight. They don’t get up to potty or get one last drink either as they had their chance 15 minutes before bedtime prayer. It simplifies things for us.
How to train them to stay in bed? Consistency! Always escort them back to their bed with no interaction beyond your phrase (Ours is “It’s bedtime. Stay in your bed.) and no extra drink, etc.
We do not begin this training until age 3, when we see they are ready to be motivated by being a ‘big kid’ upstairs with light privelages. Before that we have the child laying on the couch downstairs (age 2-3), or in our arms (age 0-1-2).
Yep, pretty normal, at least in my house. My 6yo DS is a professional level ‘flitterer’. We’ve been really cracking down with time limits, and then consequences if the expected task is not completed on time. My kids earn their screen time by completing their routines on time. DS will waste all the time allotted (even with frequent reminders about how much time is left), then act like he has been attacked when he doesn’t get the screen time. It’s not my favourite motivator, but currently the only thing we have found that makes any difference to DS.
It’s definitely a work in progress, and DH and I have been discussing what other strategies we might try, but I wanted to respond to let you know it’s not just you! This is a major reason that so many young boys are over-diagnosed as having ADD. It’s typical behaviour for the age. Not acceptable long term, and needs work habit training, of course, but not unusual.
Joanne
We do similar as Tristan… PJ’s and bedtime routine starts around 7pm with an 8pm bedtime.
They sometimes dink around because they don’t want to go to bed, but they know bed time is bed time and it starts early, when they are little. Even as little babies we really start to try to get a good bedtime routine down, with PJ’s relaxing, books… before actually bed time. My older 2 (7 and 5.5) will chit chat after lights out, but we live in a little house so I just wonder by their door around 8:30 and remind them “8:30, time to sleep” and usually the 5.5 year old is snoozing quickly by my daughter (7) will be up later. She has always taken a long time to go to sleep, has to talk herself to sleep. My 2.5 year old knows that after the last books, it is last potty break and then off to bed, but it started when he was little.
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