Expectations

Well, you could reference the books titled, “What your Kindergartner Needs to Know”, then there’s the upper grades after that one.

But, the best advice I have been given about that question is listen and watch your child. If you hit a frustration level, back off a bit and work on a level that’s slightly challenging, but not frustrating. No matter what book reference you use for learning, the teacher has to know the child and work from there. I believe that’s the art of being a good teacher, and it gets easier as we gain more experience (and patience!)

I read this post a while back and meant to reply, sorry.  I had wanted to ask the same as Sue.  In what way are you looking at your expectations??  Did that make sense, it’s early??

For my kids, I look at previous abilities and I just know that they are capable of “such and such”. I know they are just kids and sometimes that may change, or they’re just not in the mood (I know I have my moments of just not wanting to do my best with whatever), but my kids are pretty consistent. 

HTH

A wise momma on this forum gave me some wisdom once that has changed a lot about my expectations for my children. She said, “There’s a difference between your standards and your expectations. The standard that you set for your children remains the same because it is the end result. Your expectations change along the way as you teach them the standard.”

That is so simple, yet profound to me. I was confusing my expectations with my standards for my children. Doing so caused me to have really high expectations of my children that were unfair and could not be met. You never lower the standard, you simply change your expectations along the way, as your children mature and are capable of more and more. Aim high with your standards, but start with expectations that can be met in the beginning. That way, you and your children won’t be discouraged all the time along the way. 

Example: you want your son to be a responsible, hard-working young man by the time he’s ready to marry. That’s a great standard. However, at the age of 3, you can’t expect that of him now. It’s not only unfair; it’s impossible! But you start now with your expectations. Teach him skills that he can do easily, then expect him to use those skills in helping you around the house. Expect him to learn the habit of usefulness (this one takes a while…believe me). When he’s 6 or 7, you can start giving him responsibilities to take care of on his own and expecting him to do those jobs with excellence (such as keeping his room clean on his own, taking care of a pet, etc.). As he gets older, you continue raising your expectations of him; however your standard remained the same the entire time: for him to be a responsible, hard-working young man.

Another example: you want your son to treat his future wife with love and respect. Right now, you teach and expect him to speak respectfully to any female siblings you have/may have and to you. You don’t allow eye-rolling, name-calling, disrespectful tones of voice, and the like. As he gets older, you teach him to open the door for you and other ladies when you’re out and about or to carry in your groceries. Your expectations changed, but your standard was the same all along.

I hope that makes sense; it sure helped me a lot when my expectations were unreachable for my children’s capabilities. It also helps us mommas to have lots more grace with our kiddos.

Hope that helps,

Lindsey