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Encouragement please?
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Last year was our first year of homeschooling and we survived. My 8 years old daughter complained about narration, copywork, and math regularly. MUS brought tears on many days because she adopted an “I cant” mentality. We took June and July off except some XtraMath on her iPod and her own reading. We are now on our third week of the new year and I’m holding back tears of defeat too often. She will be 9 in November and is definitely moody and lacking control of her emotions. Whenever I mention schoolwork, she grumbles or complains to others (when at my parents or inlaw for example) about having schoolwork. Last week, I asked her why she thinks we homeschool and she said because I hated her charter school teachers and the gas costed too much (we moved further away making it an easy time to try homeschooling). She misses her friends too she said. Although, the two she misses are two she wouldn’t be seeing out of school anyhow. Last year, I feel like we just crossed off the main topics because she grumbled. I want to create a home environment for learning, safety, and enjoyment. My main goal for homeschooling is that my children would have a lifetime love for learning and for knowing Jesus personally. Every other detail is pale in comparison. Here is our schedule for this year as of now:
Memory work 10m, MUS 15-20m, SCM module 2 work 20m, spelling wisdom 10m, snack break 10m, Apologia Swimming Creatures 20m, rotate hymn,poetry,composer,artist,drawing 10m, literature read aloud 20m is all we have done so far with an XtraMath practice and 20m of independent reading. I Have planned to add spanish 20m, music/handicraft rotate 20m too.
Input on my schedule? Of course, I feel like she isn’t learning or doing enough. I haven’t voiced that thought to her because I’m trusting the SCM guides and way.
Help for creating an atmospere? Help for 9 year old girls that just seem bitter and hateful towards their mom? I have no doubt homeschooling is our calling but gee sometimes I wish I could be a parent that doesn’t care about her education, morals, or work ethic…just throw her on a bus, don’t be involved, don’t care how she does, and just get by like a few parents seem to do. I’m at a loss. Prayers are appreciated if nothing more. Thanks for reading my “book.”
I feel for you. I’ve been where you are and am still there at times. I can say that things have gotten better for my dd 11 and me. But we still have our struggles seeing eye to eye.
One break through we had this year was in me just listening to her talk. I must admit, at times it can be exhausting, but I need to remember I was a little girl once too (very chatty as well ; ) The more I take time to listen to her and the more we do some of the things she enjoys, the better things are between us (not perfect, but better.)
Sometimes our kids just need to know they’re loved and that they’re SAFE. I think a lot of kids act out in school because they don’t feel safe…like I’m still loved even if I don’t understand this math problem or don’t do well on a narration. I realized with my daughter that I did more nit picking than encouraging. Now, I notice the more I encourage her, the more she smiles ; ) I try to do this on very little things and it definitely makes a difference. It “sets a mood.”
I pray that God helps you to smile more and that he gives you the encouragement you need so you can give your daughter the encouragement she needs. Sometimes we’re just low on it and when we don’t have it, how can we give it? I know exactly what it’s like and I too have apprehensions about the upcoming year, but God is good!
(Heb. 13:21) may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.<span class=”p”>
</span>Your not alone and you are dearly loved!!!
This is a heart issue. Take a break from school work and address that. She needs to understand her need for God’s love and work in her life, and has to start understanding what obedience is. It’s not just about obedience to you regarding her school work, but obedience to the Lord in submitting to you. If you go to Blueletterbible.org you can find lots of verses to study. Go to the study tab at the top, click on Encyclopedias/Dictionaries and start looking at verses by subject. God gives us children to disciple them, it’s a big job, but when we team up with Him, those sinful walls can be broken down. Disobedience to you is ultimately disobedience to the Lord. I pray that you will be filled with wisdom, patience and love as you face this!
I agree with Kelley. It is a heart issue. That needs to be dealt with first. I had a couple of rough years with my daughter because of her learning disability. In trying to find what worked for her, I was not patient, there was much frustration and tears. As a result, she came to despising school. We are on a more positive road now, but she still moans about school most days. But, she also knows that no matter how she feels about doing school work, it still gets done. I have been giving her Scripture to try to help her with her attitude. Proverbs has many good verses for character building. One I have read to her when she complained about doing school work is Proverbs 1:5. “A wise man will hear, and will increase learning;……”
I would not add anything else to your schedule. I think what you are doing is enough for now with an 8yo. I would work more on character training and teaching what the Bible says about obedience and respecting/honoring parents. Also, it is good to have some outside activities with other kids that she can look forward to. Maybe a co-op? Some field trips with other homeschoolers? My daughter definitely needs that socialization. Hope this helps a little.
Thank you! I agree that I have been thinking it is a heart issue. Honestly, I think the enemy is using my daughter to test my faith, as I’ve recently plunged into training to launch a ministry. I have given her Bible verses about attitude. Later today, I have been reminded to try praying with her prior to starting school work and when we finish. Defeat the lies before they take hold for the day, I’m thinking. Thank you for the encouragement! I really appreciate you each taking the time to respond.
I think every child grumbles at some point. I put up a bible verse about being cheerful and said we don’t accept grumbling in our school. That doesn’t mean they have to like everything and they can discuss it with me and maybe I can find a different curriculum but some things you just HAVE TO DO. Like writing. Stick with it! I didn’t make my oldest write as much as she should have because she complained and now she is in 7th grade and trying to catch up. Maybe look for a different math that she might like better. I know I didn’t want to switch but we went to a spiral method and the kids tears stopped. Maybe you can let her invite friends over if she works at not grumbling. Try to compromise. And don’t think she isn’t doing enough. She is! I think every homeschool mom thinks that too.
If mine get really bad I tell them “grumbling makes more work” and I will find them some more work to do. Is it mean? Maybe. They think so. But I know in the end I am doing them a favor. Chin up! You can do this!
I read this blog post yesterday:
I also read the article that the blog poster referenced, and it was excellent! It is about teens, but the principles apply. It was all about heart issues and how to parent accordingly.
Your dd is going through what many kids do who have been brought home. Hang in there, and make sure she knows that you are on her team.
This has been encouraging to me. My oldest is ten, and I feel like we just left a 2 year battle. My next girl is 8, and we have just begun some emotional drama. My oldest girl did a lot of her school work alone during this time since it was such a battle. I finally came to realize she needed to reconnect with me and feel love and appreciated. I needed to respect her drive for independence and allow her to see I would still help her when she couldn’t quite do it. She really needed time with me, that included time to talk and hang out- not school or chore time. She needed more praise and attention. This continues to be a struggle as she is my oldest and my little ones are demanding, but I am finding late nights work. Our relationship has improved and she is happy.
My 8 year old seems to have more frustration. We continue to talk about a growing mindset and I try to use positive phrases to help her see mistakes are opportunities. She also has specific goals with specific subjects that say we will not complain and whine- we will do our work. When she doesn’t, she usually has to run laps around the house, do jumping jacks, etc, until she is ready to come back to the table with a happy attitude. I am also seeking out more opportunities to just spend time with her too. We had tea time in the afternoon today for the first time in about six months, and the kids were so happy. I need to realize those little extra moments of talking really do matter, even though we eat three meals a day, etc.
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