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eavesdropping & being nosy
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Our dd7, almost 8, continues to eavesdrop on adult conversations and to interrupt to ask us what we’re talking about. I have talked to her about how rude & wrong it is for her to do this. Has anyone dealt with this? What could be a natural consequence for this behavior? I can’t think of one. I don’t want this to become a habit.
When my kids do this, I kindly let them know that they need to find something to do in another room OR you could give them a chore to do in a separate room.
If you are out in public, you could remind them on the way there, what appropriate behavior is/isn’t and if they interrupt then the next time, they lose the privilege of going somewhere.
We have also been practicing having our kids gently put their hand on my arm if they need something when I am talking. I hold up my finger to let them know that I will be with them in a minute or two.
Everything is still a work in progress at our home!
HTH!
Your description reminded me of this passage that Charlotte wrote. Perhaps it will give you some encouragement and ideas.
An Inquisitive Child––Susie is an inquisitive little girl. Her mother is surprised and not always delighted to find that the little maid is constantly on voyages of discovery, of which the servants speak to each other as prying and poking. Is her mother engaged in talk with a visitor or the nurse––behold, Susie is at her side, sprung from nobody knows where. Is a confidential letter being read aloud––Susie is within earshot. Does the mother think she has put away a certain book where the children cannot find it––Susie volunteers to produce it. Does she tell her husband that cook has asked for two days’ leave of absence––up jumps Susie, with all the ins and outs of the case. ‘I really don’t know what to do with the child. It is difficult to put down one’s foot and say you ought not to know this or that or the other. Each thing in itself is harmless enough; but it is a little distressing to have a child who is always peering about for gossipy information.’ Yes it is tiresome, but is not a case for despair, nor for thinking hard things of Susie, certainly not for accepting the inevitable.
The Defect of her Quality––Regarding this tiresome curiosity as the defect of its quality, the mother casts about for the quality, and, behold, Susie is reinstated. What ails the child is an inordinate desire for knowledge, run to seed, and allowed to spend itself on unworthy objects. When the right moment comes, introduce Susie to some delightful study, of Nature, for example, which will employ all her prying proclivities. Once the new idea has taken possession of the little girl, a little talk should follow about the unworthiness of filling one’s thoughts with trifling matters so that nothing really interesting can get in. For weeks together see that Susie’s mind is too full of large matters to entertain the small ones; and, once the inquisitive habit has been checked, encourage the child’s active mind to definite progressive work on things worth while. Susie’s unworthy curiosity will soon cease to be a trial to her parents. (Vol. 2, pp. 176, 177).
When we were kids, my mom would make us wait *forever* for her to take a breath to ask us what we wanted. By that time we usually forgot what we were going to say so problem solved, I guess. Kind of. Listening was not my mom’s forte.
I’ve never tried that tactic, but I do tell my kids to wait and not interrupt. They generally do a great job, but sometimes there is a discussion that is not intended for their ears (actually as I’m typing this, I’m wondering to myself why I am speaking words that are not appropriate for my children to hear…. hmm, may have to reflect on that a bit)… so when there are (were?) those types of topics, I ask my older DD9 to please not listen in and to leave the immediate area (e.g., go play with the other kids, go check on your sister, did you see the hamster, etc). I tell her very plainly but firmly in front of whomever I’m speaking to that I will not remind her again of her manners and she knows better than to interrupt and/or “spy” on mommy and Mrs. Whomever-I’m-Talking-To.
I don’t do this to embarrass my daughter, although I know it would surely frustrate and provoke some children (I’d never try this with dd6!); my dd9 seems to need the accountability and witness of someone else to make a break with bad behavior. She won’t ‘perform’ for family (especially me) but she seems to be very sensitive to what other adults (not kids for some reason) think of her actions and behavior.
My DD9 is very shy, so I make a point of inviting her to visit with us often. If there is a topic that comes up that I know she will enjoy or that she has some knowledge of, I will ask whatever adult I’m talking with if it would be alright to invite DD9 to join in. Sometimes it is okay, sometimes it isn’t. When I do invite DD9, especially when she’s on the fringes, kind of eavesdropping, she will usually seem startled and run away to some other kid activity. But sometimes she does join in and it’s really wonderful to see her coming out of her shell. With a very small group of just myself, another mom, and DD9, it is amazing to see her interaction. Other times if there are just too many moms or adults, she will decline. I usually ask her to vacate the area at that point since she’s not willing to participate.
Not sure if that is rambling or helpful. Hopefully the latter! 🙂
Jenni
My daughter is 8 and is just now getting to learn how to takl on the phone properly and she wants to call everyone. LOL So, she was getting all up in my convos on a regular basis even though I have discussed the inappropriateness. Then one day she was talking to her friend and a little devil whispered in my ear……I picked up the other line an invaded her convo. – she didn’t like it.
Nor did she like me yelling out across the room while she was on the phone either talking about what they were talking about and correcting her story etc. She got flustered and finally hung up then asked me what I was doing. I innocently said, well sweety, you do it to me so I thought it was ok to do to you. Didn’t you like it? She hung her head and apologized and we agreed not to do that to each other any more.
HTH oh & it is still a work in progress, but when she slips, a look is all it takes and she sincerely apologizes right away.
Nor did she like me yelling out across the room while she was on the phone either talking about what they were talking about and correcting her story etc. She got flustered and finally hung up then asked me what I was doing. 
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