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Early Years – Getting nervous
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Okay. My DS is 4.5. He turns 5 in March. I’ve tried reading lessons but he’s just not into them. He will look at books often and he loves to be read to. We do that quite a lot. Three factors are contributing to my nervousness right now.
1. I am starting to get those “are you in school” and “he’ll be starting school soon” comments and questions.
2. I watched Waiting for Superman. I know the focus is on whether our public schools are doing enough but it makes me question whether I am doing enough myself.
3. My DS has been going to a little missionary program for kids 2 days a week. They play outside, read, do crafts. He really has enjoyed this but this is his last week there.
So I’m wondering if I should step up my game. We read. I’m trying hard to do nature study and have him outside. The last year or two has been a ton of habit training and we will, of course, continue. I know this is *supposed* to be enough for a 4 year old but it doesn’t really seem like it. People will ask him to read words, will ask if he knows his ABC’s, etc. He does know his letters but not in a formal way and he can’t read really. During a reading lesson I can get him to seem like he’s reading but apparently he’s not bc outside of the lesson he can’t read the same words.
How often should I try to get back to reading lessons? Weekly? Monthly? Quarterly?
Maybe I should do activities related to books we’re reading or try something like FIAR or something?
I know this is a bit rambling. I hope I’ve made sense!
Thanks!
Dana
HI Dana, First off, you shouldn’t do anything just because you feel pressure to keep up with what’s going on in schools. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s not time for him to be doing more. Only you can make that decision because only you know your child. My son who turned 4 in August just told me last weekend that he wants to work on letters and learn to read “more than anything” so we are trying it. If he loses interest, we will drop it because he doesn’t NEED to learn to read right now. He is doing the FIAR type activities with my 6 year old daughter and he is doing the preschool workbooks from Rod and Staff. He really loves the FIAR stuff. I did not buy the curriculum, but am simply culling ideas to go with the books from online. My other son who is now 10 and a wonderful reader, had nothing but frustration with learning to read because I felt that at 4.5 he should be reading (because my daughters read early). I pushed too hard, then backed off for a year and a half. At about age 6.5 he became a real reader, meaning beyond the little kid first reader type of books. Each child is different.
If you do pursue the reading lessons, we use the Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading along with the Explode the Code books, starting with Before the Code. Those are excellent resources, but are not necessarily CM. My kids all liked them though. We did these daily, but with very short lessons.
It doesn’t hurt to start working on letters and reading. Just realize that you may need to back off if it becomes a source of frustration. In my opinion, it’s better to wait rather than risk making reading something that they have negative thoughts about.
Hi Dana,
Oh Boy! Do I know the feeling. I have 4 kids, the youngest are 3.5 and 4.5 and we get these questions constantly. My response is usually “Yes, we are homschooling for PRESCHOOL and they are doing WONDERFULLY thank you.” Occassionally we get more questions and then I assume they want the boring details so I often launch into detailed philosophical discussions of why playing outdoors is the most educational thing developmentally right now. The only time I have had this not “work” is when I am talking to a long time (30 yrs plus) preschool teacher who was commenting to my child that she can tell she doesn’t go to preschool by her behavior. Needless to say, this lady had more issues than ignorance/nosyness.
As far as how much you should be doing, I think the real question is how much is your son interested in doing? At 4 none of it is mandatory except playing, learning in the outdoors and being read to as much as Mom can manage. You have 14 years to get him where he should be academically so there is no need to rush to try to be on someone else’s time table. Easier said than done, but it does work. My 2 oldest are graduated now and it turned out fine with them. 😉
Dana
Please don’t feel pressured by getting your son to read at this age! of course it would be great..but in reality not many kids “read” at this age. Don’t worry he will read someday and try not to force it. Just continue to read good books to him..if he lets you 🙂
My oldest son, now 10, taught himself to read right before he turned 4. I didn’t even know he knew how until I wanted to do some type of school w/ him and got out sight words to work on and he already knew them! Anyhow, I also have another son 2 1/2 yrs younger. So when he got to be around 4 and 5, I thought I would get bombarded w/ questions about him reading! He didn’t even liked to be read to that much. He liked books but would only sit and listen for a while. I was like, Don’t you want to read like your brother? His response was NO! LOL I just thought, you have got to be kidding! I would have thought that he would want to! But no! So I didn’t push. I let him play on starfall.com and he listened sometimes when brother would read. Here comes 5 and then 6yrs..and that school yr we started right before he turned 6 and I figured hmmm don’t think he will read yet but maybe by the end of the school yr?? And within 4 months he was reading! Somehow someway it just clicked and he actually wanted to. But the summer right before starting school that yr …no way! Funny how a few months makes a difference!
Long story to say every child is different! And you are doing great by reading w/ him and having him be outside! If you want more, you can get him to trace letters in sand or shaving cream. Get some bath letters and let him just play w/ them in the tub. Also, get some of the magnetic letters and let him play on the frig. Just taking letters and moving them around will make him aware of his letters and curious about words. Do a letter of the wk thing. I am sure you know what that is…Have him color A and name the things that begin w/ A and eat apples maybe make up a short poem/story/senteces w/ A words.
Now you have outside time, reading time, tracing time, and an activity to learn letters time! Play music while working on tracing! Now you have some music time! WOW you have had a full day! That is learning! 🙂 And if you can go to the park, fire station, or a museum that is learning too!
I think you need to back off on reading lessons right now and let him enjoy letters and words in books and poems! I can tell you are stressing out! And for what it is worth ..yes my oldest could read everything early and he enjoyed reading…it is great! And he continues to read above level. BUT, my youngest who is 7 is reading too. He struggles w/ the BIG words…but in the end they both enjoy reading and it is okay that ds7 is at a “normal” level! Way back when I didn’t think it would be..but really it is okay! So just wanted you to know I have been on both sides! Relax and have a good time teaching and learning w/ your son!
And as for the questions, just say yes we are learning and having fun at home! He IS in “school” and YES he has started “school”! He has been in “school” ALL his life 🙂 Believe it or not your son is ALWAYS learning! 🙂
HTH
Blessings!
I agree you have a long long way to go..and more things to “worry” about when is much older than at this young wonderful age! 🙂
Forgot to mention Bible time too! 🙂 You have a range of subjects to do and all of it should only take 2 hrs..that includes the outside time!
I think you’ve already gotten a lot of good advice here. If he’s not interested in reading yet, I wouldn’t push it, and just keep doing what you’re doing until he does show interest. Unless he’s specifically interested (trying to figure it out for himself, asking), I’d wait until he reaches ‘formal school age’ (5-6) to start, personally. In retrospect, I started too early with my oldest because I thought I should be doing something with her. (Come to think of it, I think that’s often the case with our first child/student, we mamas are so eager to get started!) While there was no permanent damage done there, I wish I had been more relaxed with her when she was 4 rather than pushing her as hard as I did. I think we could have both saved ourselves some stress and tears!
Jen
My dd11 began learning at 5, but it was hard work for her until she was 8.5 or so and then she took off. She can read anything and even read Little Women alone over 1.5 years because she wanted to. Ds8 can read well and is above grade level by a couple of years, but it is still work for him and he doesn’t choose to sit and read on his own yet. However, it will come. Dd5 is reading a good bit from just figuring it out on her own. Not all words, but many that I wouldn’t have thought she could at all. They are all different. There is no benefit to pushing a child before he is ready, but it could prove harmful from the standpoint of putting a bad taste for reading in the child’s mouth.
At some point you have to learn to not care what others think. I know some ladies who have been horrified that I didn’t teach state history and capitals and such by 4th grade when that’s what ps does. Well, dd didn’t know that, but knew the countries or Europe. What does it matter? It is a content not a skill based subject. These same ladies were so surprised that I didn’t have dd writing copious amounts including creative writing in early elementary like ps kids. Have you ever seen the early elem writing? It’s like reading a Dick and Jane book. There is zero depth, ridiculously simple sentence structure and it’s often twaddle. Ask my child educated the CM for an oral narration about any of our literature or history books and the depth, sentence structure, etc. might knock your socks off. The mechanics of writing it all down will come, but I’m in no hurry. Once at the ball park a lovely elderly lady was asking about my sweet kids, but began giving me the third degree when she learned we homeschool. Dd11 was in 1-2 grade at the time. After many minutes of this nice lady turned interrogator questioning every aspect of my parenting, curriculum, credentials, I grew weary of it and said something like, “we’re currently reading Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing adapted by Lamb and loving it. I’m not too concerned that we aren’t using the state curriculum.”
Remember that the very fact that you choose something different for your family will be offensive to some and perceived as judgement by some. You can choose to be nice as can be, by t won’t necessarily change that. If you want to do this for the long haul you will need to learn to tune out those negative Nellies and choose whose advice your willing to glean from. There will always be something to cause you to doubt your decision here or there, but it should not be those who aren’t on your team to begin with.
Let him play. Keep working on habits. Enjoy nature. There is plenty of time for the rest later.
Blessings,
Chrisitie
PS, my apologies for spelling/grammar as I’m using my phone and my eyes and the small screen don’t always like each other
Relax and take a deep breath! I woudln’t worry about school at all right now. If you want to think more about reading, I would look at ‘The Three R’s’ by Ruth Beechick. It’s a great book for giving peace about where your child is right now.
I would echo the recommendation for “The Three R’s”! Even now with first grade, it gives me so much peace of mind about schooling “outside the box”, but knowing that I am still giving DD a good quality education.
One that I did like for those early years (before learning about SCM, which has an Early Years book) was “The Smarter Preschooler”, by Mike and Renee Mosiman. I have passed it on already, but it was a great book during those early years to bring me back to the basics (Legos, playdough, playing outside, field trips to a farm or the zoo, just spending time doing life with mom and dad, etc.) and great to be able to reference to people when my methods were met with complete skepticism. 😉
April
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