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Down
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Yesterday I was near the top of the world… and today I’m feeling really down. I am feeling SO unmotivated at the moment. The girls bedroom is a mess (so much for the habit training….), I haven’t looked at my son’s yet… they were hard to get them to do their violin review songs (which they in theory should be doing without being MADE to…). I had hoped to start our “summer school” today having them do math, memory box, and them choose 1 from a list of various things… and I don’t feel like the struggle. (They have had “vacation” for 3 weeks because dh was on vacation from work). I haven’t figured out their violin practice sheets for this week yet (as we are done violin for the year, I won’t have the teacher giving me a list of things to work on…. although I do know what she wants us to work on for a while) so I don’t see violin practice happening… and in a short while I need to go buy everything needed for our Scout Group’s BBQ that is happening tomorrow.
I just feel like any attempt I make to get habits going always fail. I have a hard time keeping a schedule or even a routine going (although my dh feels the other way) – so I suspect my kids aren’t sure what to expect at any time… and so they struggle with me all the time to not have to do things… and eventually I get tired and don’t even start the “fight” so to speak. I know it is a bit harder right now as they had vacation….
I’m just feeling like how can I do this…. and I feel like I’m doing my kids a huge disservice.
Awww….so sorry you are having such a rough day. I do know exactly what you mean though. I have such a had time being consistent and because of that my kids “try” me all day. It gets to be very frustrating and then I end up in a completely horrible mood. And then of course after they are all tucked in and it’s quiet, the guilt hits that I am only hindering them. That they are going to have so many struggles in life because I didn’t train them well enough. {sigh} right now I am just trying to form my own habit of perservering. Of not giving up even when we have a bad day, to just pick it back up tomorrow and try again. And if there’s no tomorrow I guess I don’t have to worry about it then =)
Sending a prayer up for you!
I am sure that all of us who have been doing this a while have had days and feelings like this – I know I have had many. At first I used to beat myself up about it, and worry that I was ruining the girls – then after a while I decided the worry was a fruitless exercise and that I should try and do what I could to make things better – it was my habits that needed changing more than my daughters. If I did not have good habits, then why should they? So when those days hit where I felt horrible and did not have a clue how to move forward – I would choose just a few things for that day, and make sure that we accomplished them – I would tell the girls that mum was having a bad day, but that it was no excuse to not do anything and that it would be nice if they would help me to get a few things done. So we would do the important things like math and reading, and then sometimes we would be done, and other times we would just keep going and just doing something motivated us. I also always set aside an hour or so a week to make sure that I had everything I needed for the following week, so it would not be a scramble when the time came. Coming off a vacation time is always more difficult – everyone has relaxed and now the time to work is here again, the motivation has not caught up. As you are only planning on summer school activities right now – don’t worry, just do one thing, then another and so on until you are back in the groove. I don’t remember how old your children are – make it a game, set a timer and see how quickly the girls and perhaps your son can clean their rooms – then once they have done, do something fun with them. It sounds like you are a little overwhelmed and so make a list, get the most important things you need to do done, then ease into things.
Finally, I was hopeless at all this stuff when we first started, talk about ADD, I seemed to develop it overnight – I made many mistakes and still make a few – but the girls have survived and have done really well – so don’t worry – you have time to get it all done. A big hug for you and wishing you God’s love and blessings to help guide your path. Linda
Somedays all you can do is all you can do. And some days the schedule is meant to be flung heartily out the window to be able to breath. Some days we believe the lies whipering around in our heads that “we can’t do anything or are not of use”. I say bollucks. Life can be messy and only Jesus was perfect. If I strive to serve with my heart and leave it all in prayer, I can start fresh. Right there in that moment. There is no committee that is coming to review my home making. There is no camera crew following my staged life around. God sees my heart and my efforts. In Him I rind my rest.
And my friend, you do not seem rested on the inside. Vactaion time does not = rest always. Time for some mother culture and to give yourself a day pass. Training and learning take a lifetime. Savour your children and the family you have today. Give yourself permission to be still.
Hugs, tania
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