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Don't know what to do with rebellious, disrespectful child…
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Does anyone on the board have any experience with Love and Logic parenting? It is our approach in our house, and I am so grateful for it. Just wondering if anyone else is familiar with it. There are so many great suggestions here I am hesitant to throw in another book recommendation, but I use these techniques everyday and it has worked well for me. The hard part Is staying consistent!
Whatever works for your kids–RGT, Love and Logic, spanking, time-out, etc.–CONSISTENCY is your friend and most important of all. If you’re going to tomato stake, do it consistently. If you’re putting them in time-out for throwing a tantrum, do it consistently. Kids are smart, and they know they’ll win if they can catch you at a weak moment. If you’re consistent and never let your guard down and always follow through, you’ll outlast them in the long run and they will start developing the good habits you want them to develop.
I see so many parents who have great intentions and ideas for improving their children’s behaviors, and they implement them…for a week. Then mom and dad get tired or distracted, and it’s all over. If you can really commit to staying one step ahead and always having a plan/natural consequence in place when bad behavior strikes, you’ll beat them at their own game.
I defintely don’t have all the answers, but I wanted to add to this discussion that my second son had a high need for lots of physical activity – on his own and with me (that’s how he connected with me). I noticed that when I consistently found time for that – his needs for physical play and physical touch (wrestling, rough play, tickling, etc.) his behavior did a complete turnaround. It was that dramatic.
He didn’t mean to be disobedient. He just wasn’t getting his needs met and he didn’t know how to express that to me. Punishment was really the worst thing for him, because it frustrated him more and made him less likely to cooperate.
It is about 4 years later now, but it is rare now that I have behavior problems with him. He has a touch of mischief, but he is such a nice boy.
Similar to jawgee mentioned. My friends sons were a handful, and she struggled, but she realized they needed physical play time with her. Wrestling, firm hugs, playing tag… it really changed things. She also found diet, especially for her oldest made a big difference as well.
Her sharing was great help to me, because I find when I take time for physical play with my boys it does change their attitudes.
I am very thankful for my husband because all the “normal” advice was not a good fit at all for more than one of our children. He is very much one to look past the initial behavior and to see what is going on under the surface. And when you can see past the bluster and see the triggers (as someone else mentioned), you can then start working on stopping those. Part of it may be heart issue. But when there is behavior that is extreme, many times it has a much deeper trigger than just disobedience. And when we just respond to them as if it is only disobedience, we may “win” the battle but many times we lose their hearts. And all we end up with are children compliant externally which doesn’t do them any good in the long run. It only makes us look good.
Just wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice. I do definitely struggle with consistency and sometimes with staying calm…which I am working on. I have felt convicted by the Holy Spirit on a couple of areas…first one if dealing with anger I have towards my dad and how that is playing out in my role as a parent, second is making sure I give my son plenty of physical touch…tickling, snuggling, etc (that is definitely one of his main love languages). We have done gluten free, paleo, and I always check ingredient lists…we will continue eating like this…BUT I have not found any changes in his behavior from it. He does get more rebellious when I am barking orders and when I am stressed/angry. I do feel like he has ADHD or Sensory Processing Disorder or Asbergers or something. He almost always acts out in large groups and overstimulating environments, he has very little self-control, he doesn’t know how to give kids personal space, he gets very bothered by distracting noises/environments, is often in his own little world, hand-flapping, etc… Anyway…just wanted to say thanks to everyone.
Hi there
I can’t write a concise response to address the issue, but I have a book to recommend that I think would help greatly. Its called Loving OUr Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk. This book has revolutionized my relationships not only with my kids, but God and any other people in my life. It is but one tool in the parenting toolbox, but I believe every person should read it. Hope you are blessed by it if you read it. 🙂
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