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Done with CM?
- This topic has 27 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 2 months ago by
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Hey everyone, thanks for the support. The storm that was over me has passed (ok – it is a strong breeze now instead of a raging storm…) – and for the moment I’m feeling a fair bit better. I am prone to depression and there have been some major outside stresses. I just always feel like we are always doing less for school…. but I am thinking that even though me kids could be doing more – for now I need us to be doing less…
curlywhirly – it wasn’t surgery – but I was in the hospital for 10 days with a bad infection. But yes – I need to give me more slack.
I also have to listen to my dh more – he says I’m too hard on myself, and the kids are fine…
I’m feeling late to this thread, but just wanted to send you a <<hugs>> anyway. Life sure hits hard sometimes, doesn’t it? We didn’t have a great first week either. We got 1.5 days worth of school done out of the 4 I had planned. And there must be something about the beginning of “Understood Betsy” because that is the first book I remember that my daughter didn’t like. Normally she’ll read anything! She was very angry that I “made” her read it. Her response was “That is the stupidest, most boring book ever, and I am NOT going to read it ever again.” <insert major attitude here!> She is usually very easy going, so the attitude was a shock.
I totally hear you on the constant messes, too. Yesterday my DD told me it was the “worst birthday ever”, because I had the kids clean-up the basement. I reminded her, in not a very friendly tone, that if she and her siblings would remember to put things away when they were done with them, we wouldn’t have to spend her birthday cleaning up, but that I was not going to spend the day tripping over couch cushions, stepping on lego, and having stacks of drawing paper and crayons fall on the floor whenever anyone passed the table. Sigh. Time to reign in the frustration, tame my tongue, and do some gentle, positive, consistent habit training.
And I don’t even have health problems to blame it on.
Sorry I don’t have much advice, but hopefully it helps to know you are not alone.
Joanne
You are not a monster mom!! You obviously love your children! You are being way too hard on yourself! Do you hear that a lot? I do and I hate it so I’m sorry if you hate it too! Have you read anything about setting personal boundaries? That has been helpful to me but whether it applies to you I couldn’t say. Maybe worth checking out a book or doing a google search. Anyway, hugs to you!!
Dana
I just read this thread …. I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. This season with tiny kids can feel so impossibly hard at times….and ill-health can make the just-about-manable into the impossible…and that’s when we need to change our expectations.
Like you, I tend to expect too much of myself. I leaned a great principle to apply to my plans: Simple, Restful, Real. If my plans are not Simple, Restful, Real for me and/or my kids, they need to change or I / my kids will go insane with stress.
Here’s how this principle helps me. It may help you:
SIMPLE: It’s easy to over-complicate things because we want everything to be perfect. Please don’t do this to you or your kids. Kids in different years as in AO would be way too over-complicated for us. We combine for: History, Bible, Geography, Scripture Memory, Literature, Science, Nature Poetry. We do maths, copywork and reading separately. By this I mean we do different levels,
We sit together to do Maths (I get one started with a worksheet for example, whilst the other works with me, or one will sit and listen whilst I work with one for 10 mins then we switch, or invariably someone needs the bathroom, so they go off for 5 mins whilst I work with the other!)
Copywork: we sit together and I give them a page to work on, but they are at different levels.
Reading: this is the only one where we don’t sit together – usually the other one is playing with the baby.
RESTFUL: If you or your children arent’ enjoying it or it’s causing you stress, it needs to change. Think of Jesus. When he had sent out his disciples to teach in the cities, and they came back to him, he withdrew with them to a remote place. He knows we need rest. He knows you need rest. This season won’t always last. Your children are all out of routine right now: They are probably worried about you but don’t know how to express this. They don’t know where their boundaries are because things have been “different” for at least 3 months during the summer vacation and now because of your health. Find a schedule that is restful for you all and stick to it. Kids thrive on routine. Give yourself permission to rest more.
Do you have a quiet rest time half way through the day? I’d go insane if we didn’t do this.
Do you have a field trip day to give the kids a break from being in the house? We go out one day a week to our local botanical gardens or the zoo. I consider that nature study, PE (they run around whilst they’re there), we listen to a CD in the car (audio-book, music, foreign language) I schedule 4 ‘regular” days, and 1 “field trip” day a week. The field trip day changes according to how good the weather is.
Are you getting 8 hours sleep at night? Let other things go but not your sleep.
REAL: When our expectations dont’ match our reality, we go insane with stress and take it out on our kids. Doing different years for each child maybe just isn’t realistic right now. Doing every subject maybe isn’t. Set yourself up to succeed … next year you can do more, but this year, just plan what you can succeed at, what your children can succeed at, what you can all smile about and be proud of at the end of the day.
I don’t use pure SCM or AO – I use ideas from both.
I was homeschooled in a very simple way. When I look back, there are things I wish had been done better, but I’m so thankful for a mother who kept things very simple and stress-free. She didn’t do half the things I try to do. Elementary school was basically reading, writing and maths. We never narrated, we never did time-lines, we never did PE, we didn’t do scripture memory, we didn’t keep nature journals or a book of centuries. We read literature as a family once a week, history once a week, science once a week. I’m not even sure we did geography. I wish we had done many of these things…. but perhaps if my mother had tried to fit all this in, she would have had to sacrifice her simple loving gentle approach. And her life taught me more …much more.
Simple, Restful, Real.
Blessings
Suzukimom, i just wanted to chime in and say, breathe deep! Rest as much as you can. I get the energy thing, I get the exhaustion…i suffered from terrible fibromyalgia…sometimes i just couldn’t even sleep for all the pain. most nights, i was very restless, and in the morning i coudln’t get up, i’d wake up feeling more tired and achey than when i went to bed. i also suffered with terrible GERD, heahaches, allergies, etc. Finally, this past spring, i decided to get my act together, and i started researching GAPS…i haven’t done the intro diet, and i’m not 100% GAPS, but I eat mostly a primal diet for sure…only raw honey for sweetener (small amounts), no grains/flours, nothing processed, almost no corn (i’ve cheated a few times for summer corn on the cob or a few corn chips). I’m not supposed to eat potatoes, but it’s the one cheat that doesn’t make me feel like crap and I only eat a tiny amount. I’m not doing any other sugar. I do tons of homemade stock and bone broth, clean proteins, lots of coconut oil & meat and organic butter, lots of probiotics…long story short. In a few weeks, i was off my seasonal allergy meds, my reflux meds (tho this is still my main struggle – when i eat really clean, & stick to GAPS, my stomach is great), and my pain and exhaustion level were staggeringly different. My mood and menses improved, and my acne starting clearing up. I don’t know what you have going on or what your health struggles are, but i’ve read of some miraculous healing and improvements when folks go grain and sugar free. might be worth some research, if you haven’t already. our family’s finances are beyond tight, but i just do what i can, buy organic in the most important places (dairy, beef, fats, some veg), and only i eat this way all the time.
as for school, i can relate to that too, and I’d say why not branch out a little? just move forward with what’s simple and what they can do with a bit more independence and what you can do together as a family. the relationships are so much more important! Don”t be hard on yourself, but just try to keep the train moving forward at a pace that YOU can sustain.
blessings,
amy
Inky,
Simple, restful, real. Thanks so much for sharing that. It has been an encouragement to me tonight.
Just wanted to report back. Today went much better! (I also have ‘evidence’ that PMS may have been a factor last week…. I never used to have that, but this last year or so, I get so depressed/cranky/etc)
I simplified our plan to the 4R’s and a D. I also simplified their planner so it is easier for them to know what to do….
Now I have a simple grid – columns are days of week, rows are the “subjects” – in this case there are 6.
- Scriptures
- Copywork
- Reading from the list
- Drawing
- Free Reading or Reading from the lsit
- Math
The first 5 they can do mostly on their own (with audiobooks if necessary), and I call each for math when read (which my 2 oldest are together right now).
It went much, much smoother today.
Yes, there is other things I’d like to have gotten done – but this is good for the moment.
Glad to hear an update today, I’ve been praying for you and your family all weekend. Sometimes it is so freeing to cut back, isn’t it?
@ Inky, thanks so much for your post. I have just read it now after an absolutly horrible day with my kids. I am sure PMS has something to do with it, but still no excuses for me. I am under such a heavy load for over two years now and am trying to “fit” all this stuff in to our day. Your post just made me realize I need to drop some of it and not worry about it. (like timeline of centuries). In the future if I can I will add it in to our schedule.
Hugs to every one who is struggling!
So glad everything is better! The simple, restful, real advice is excellent. I actually just removed a couple of unnecessary things from our schedule so we can spend more time on math, science and composition skills. I may weed out more if our days continue to be too long.
ETA: suzukimom…just a thought for science…have you ever looked at the Abeka science books? My kids really liked just reading through the lower grades books. They are colorful and interesting.
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