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Doing some soul-searching…
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Do any of you moms have thoughts on what are some not-to-be-missed items when you think about the realities of life and things that really matter outside of the “education box”? Am I making sense?? Like, when the kids are all through college and raising a family of their own, which bits of knowledge, experiences, conversations…will really make a difference? And while they’re still here, what will assist me in holding them dear and building them up, edifying their souls, feeding their minds and hearts and opening them to my teaching and subsequently to the Lord and His scriptures? My oldest son is really struggling to come to terms with some things about his upbringing…and it has me wondering again, what really matters? I don’t want to spend any more time on things that really don’t matter, at the expense of things that do! I think we’re going to go bare bones, and just cuddle and talk and learn to be really open and ok with one another…I’m going off now. But it’s time for a real soul-searching in our home, and I want to choose materials and topics specifically to spend time focusing on the big issues of life, the heart…and just plain old trust and togetherness… and love them up in the process. and I really don’t care about – am not going to allow myself to care about – anything else. I am going to hold dear the core of CM’s philosophy that children are real, legitimate people to be treated with utmost respect and care, to bring to the Lord…and let everything else go. We need to apply ourselves diligently to winning and keeping the hearts of our children, and for right now at least, everything I choose to use, is going to be to help toward that end. I appreciate what was shared here recently about no book or curriculum being the answer to developing character. I accept and believe that. I am just thinking of paving the way for those interactions, providing ideas to ponder and discuss, spending quality and quantity time together to allow it to flow. So, what comes to your mind? Events/topics to learn about and activities to build family togetherness for all ages…as well as books? Definitely reading aloud the Ralph Moody books. What else?
Thank you for listening, my friends! I so wish I could sit and have a cup of tea and a face-to-face, heart-to-heart with some of you.
AnniePeter- I think this is a wonderful inspiring post. I am so glad that I found CM which allows me to concentrate on what is essential and to leave aside the busywork. My own journey to CM began when my oldest asked re grammar “why do we have to do this anyway?” It got me thinking about why we do what we do and I think it is always worth revisiting those questions.
One detail I would like to add is that in CM it is really the Holy Spirit which teaches. We present good materials before our children but it is up to them to take it in and this is done with and through the Holy Spirit. He is the giver of wisdom. And of course this applies not just to their education but to their salvation as well. I think it is really tough for us parents because we want so much for our kids but part of CM is about letting go and trusting God to work in them as He wills. We can’t force learning or salvation upon them.
Nebby
This really makes me think. I have said multiple times that I understand needing basic math and science but unless you are going into a field that requires it we don’t really need trig, or physics. My kids are only 6, 4, and 1 but I know what I want them to look like as adults, but that doesn’t mean it’s what God wants. I think we need to emphasize character and their spiritual relationship and if those are strong then they will know God’s desires for them. Parenting is hard!
Anniepeter-I’m not sure how much I can add to this discussion having had only one cup of coffee this morning but I will give it a shot. 🙂
My son is almost 20 and I never dreamed he would be where he is now. On one hand, he is very responsible and hardworking and miles ahead of where his father and I were at that age-both maturity wise and behavior wise. However, he has definitely made some bad decisions and is also questioning many things. He doesn’t question God but he does question how a Christian should live and I’m afraid he’s getting too many of his ideas from the culture rather than God’s word.
In light of my experience with my son, I have to say that I think teaching our children from a Christian world view and teaching them to think critically are the most important things we can teach them. I think this is accomplished very well in a CM education. Reading great books written by great minds and discussing them, studying great art and discussing it, listening to great music and discussing it, reading about mistakes made in history and discussing them, all in light of scripture. What is beautiful? What is good? What is right, wrong, evil, holy? All of this comes into play each and every day as we spread the feast before our children.
If they can learn much about our past and our world, they will be less likely to think modern day, western culture has it all figured out. So, my thoughts are to read lots of great books and have lots of great discussions so that our children will be prepared to think critically about the world around them. And of course the Bible is the greatest book of all, written by the greatest Author of all so it should be first and foremost in our homes and all other things should constantly be tested to see where they line up with scripture and where they part ways with scripture.
I think reading hard books is a huge part of learning to think critically by the way. When we have to wrestle with a book, we are required to apply all our thinking skills to understanding it and it really stretches and grows our thinking skills. This is something I’ve learned this past year with my daughter. I’m amazed at her growth after I increased the difficulty of her books. Her critical thinking skills have taken a huge leap this year. I am amazed at her answers to some very difficult questions.
Of course, we should teach our children the skills they will need to do well in life-cook, clean, manage finances, care for their vehicles, personal grooming, etc. Teaching our children to be peacemakers should be a vital part of their training as well. A CM education allows plenty of time for learning these things as well and her methods of habit training will go a long way towards helping us accomplish these goals.
Those are just some spur of the moment thoughts from another mom who is still trying to wake up and is in desperate need of another cup of coffee. 🙂
I wanted to add one more thought. Reading and discussing great books, great art, great music, nature, etc. is a wonderful way to bring the family together. The more people, the more diverse the discussion.
Kayla-Yes! Parenting isn’t for sissies! It’s the hardest, most wonderful and rewarding job a person could ever have. 🙂 And it will certainly drive you to your knees, over and over and over again.
Melanie- I think it’s just so hard to know how much freedom? How much shelter? When to let the kite string out? When to let them fail? I think all we can do is pray listen to what God tells us, and then slowly give them more freedom and pray some more.
Kayla-It is hard. My best advice is to pray and follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. Never be led by fear. I allowed fear to lead me all too often and the results were never good.
Truly, each of these decisions will be different with each child and each situation. There just isn’t an always right answer to these questions. It would be so much easier if there were but then we wouldn’t need to rely on God so much. As hard as it is, it drives us right where God wants us to be (which is the best place we can be)-into His arms and kneeling at His feet, desperate for grace and wisdom.
When I was a young(er :-)) mom, I wanted a list of rules. I wanted to know what the right ingredients were to raise God fearing and honoring children. But kids aren’t cakes and formulas don’t work on them.
Now, I just cling to Christ and pray He will make up for all my mistakes and cover my children and my attempts at parenting with His grace and mercy and love.
I am hoping that including more Character materials will help with this. I have Character Sketches, two games from the same company, and Character Qualities Language Arts. I also have Laying Down the Rails.
We already spend a lot of time at home discussing ideas. Outside activities can separate families if they are overdone. Parents loose their close relationship and influence. I see this all the time, as an unintended consequence. Parents are trying to do what is best, but unexpectedly end up further away from their children because of too much time apart. We do have outside activities, but they are limited. I hope this helps, and doesn’t sound condescending. It is not meant to be. Each child is different and providing for each person’s interests can get complicated quickly. It is ok to wait until children are older, and have them find ways to make their desired activity happen. It will have more value to them that way also.
I come at homeschooling from the perspective of having been homeschooled. I was homeschooled in the group that focuses a LOT on character (the one that published Character Sketches.) We didn’t do higher maths or sciences.
I really regret that. And having watched the results in many of my friends, a character curriculum doesn’t reach the heart. (Obviously, the Holy Spirit can *use* a curriculum, but He is the one who MUST illuminate truth.)
I think it’s super easy as homeschool moms who are always searching for the best curriculum to put all our eggs in that basket. But so much must be learned other ways.
I think we have to pray and trust that God loves our children more than we do. He wants them to walk in His ways. And He can totally redeem all those bad decisions and create very strong faith in the child who asks the really hard questions.
So… I realized my answer is going to be too long for here, lol, so you actually inspired me to write a blog post in response to your question. Here is my answer for you 🙂
https://mycrazyeclecticlife.wordpress.com/2015/04/24/our-life-curriculum/
MissusLeata,
I appreciate your perspective. No curriculum can work by itself, which is a good reminder.
I was raised in a minimally Christian home, public schooled, minus one year of Christian school. God was gracious, and has me where I am now. Because of my background, I am still enamored with the idea of Christian curriculum. I do realize that pushing too hard can be counterproductive.
In our home, we do fairly well with the relationships with our children, and not having secrets, but we are rough around the edges when it comes to our vocabulary, attitudes, and some character issues.
I have also found that when we study character as a group, I tend to be more gracious when individual children are acting out, because I am confident that we are working on these issues as a family. I think part of it is that I need the constant character lessons;)
I think that the balance between truth and grace is difficult to achieve. Thankfully we have Christ to lead us, and redeem our mistakes.
Again, I appreciate your perspective, which is just as valuable as anyone elses. I love how believers can share experiences and advice, and then pray for specific direct for our families.
2Corin57- That would have been an extremely long answer here lol But that being said was fantastic to read and actually helped me see, again, my goals at the end of this journey with my children. It is so easy to get sucked into the here and now and which curriculum is going to help best with math and writing and all the other but the end result is what I need to keep my eyes focused on as not to get so easily side-tracked.
anniepeter- I have had the same ponderings. I am enjoying the simplicity and the no busy-work about cm. I am having a hard time filtering out what is and isn’t needed for our schooling and for our play/toy time as well,, which in both areas can and does distract and take away that wonderful time to be with the children. (need to get working in that area of life).
I had another thought-more is caught than taught. It’s so important that we as parents are growing in Christ and modeling the behavior that we hope to see in our children.
Nebby-You are so right. It is the Holy Spirit that teaches. We can lead our kids to God, but they must make the choice themselves.
MissusLeata-Yes, I agree that we need to give our children the best education that we possibly can. It’s a fine balance between teaching the child or teaching the curriculum.
Thank you for this honest conversation about the “big picture” of homeschooling. My family is pretty early in the journey, but can already see the joy and fruit of a “quiet growing time”, lots of discussion, and keeping close ties as a family.
Have any of you read Sally Clarkson’s blog or been to her conferences? I enjoy reading her words because they seem to help me focus on the important things like aligning ourselves with the Holy Spirit and resting and trusting in Jesus.
If you haven’t read any of her stuff you may want to check it out. She has been my “virtual mentor” for a while now, and inspires me to focus on the right things as a homeschool mom.
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