I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can give you advice. If you don’t like it I am sorry to perplex you with my ideas. Please just know that i also had a similar situation and I truly feel for you. Blessing be to you for trying to keep it together and obey G-d in the process. It is hard but I will try to give you what I went threw and how you may be able to find peace or not. First of all I want to add that he may come back but only when he has exhausted every aspect in his life. This is where the “Hedge of Thorns” comes in. Praying this over him Satam must get permision from G-d to do his work. There are certain things you must do also. G-d has promised that he has done all things for the good. It depends on how bad you really want him back. I know this does work. I also know that sometimes someones sin can leave a scar so deep that it is never forgiven truly. I don’t know what kind of person you are. I am a very forgiving person but I have seen women who when they get their man back batter them up for leaving them. It goes on and on until the man leaves again.
Now, There is just something inside a some that they just feel they aren’t living the life they want to…. “The grass is always greener” This is what happened to me. You can’t make someone love you, or your children. Love is in action not in words. So what are his actions? Are they loving? Now, I don’t know if he ever hit you but I want to say something that I learned. A Question for you to ponder??? ….. Do you hit someone you love? What kind of person would you hit? My answer was…. An enemy! So, if you were ever battered keep that in mind. Another thing I learned is if your husband did come back and he does this thing then he may not do it to you anymore but he will transfer it to your children. Now, Like I said I am not saying this has happened to you. Just advise I learned from my situation. I always thought it could get better. He was a christian. G-d could change him. I want to add that G-d may be doing the change in you. He calls us to live in peace. Was it peaceful with him? Was it turmoil? Remember your children are watching and seeing how you handle this situation. It may determine how they handle one that is similar…. ” The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.” 🙂
OK…. Now, I don’t know about the abuse of you but he is abusing your children. He is telling them he is coming back. He has no intention on coming back. That is unless he has no where else to go. Do you really want someone back who is only coming back for his benefit not those of you or your children? I know this because my ex. did this to my daughter. It took good christian counseling with a trusted therapist to get her to ask her dad the best question…. ” When are you coming back?” he kept saying, “I don’t know…” So she would continue to beleive his lies… This is emotional abuse by the way. The therapist told my daughter to give her a date when he will be back. He fought this but she insisted. I think she even told him the therapist said she needed to know. I think that is how she got the date of a year. I laughed because I knew it was a lie. I even asked him to quit telling her that. He wouldn’t stop. A year came and went. She finally realized he was lying and she had to deal with that in her own time. I told her I have to go on with my life with or without your father.
I had decided to stop the cycle. 3 years later I met my wonderful husband. One G-d picked out just for me. What did her dad say the day before we were to get married? He told her not to let me get married because he was coming back. I told her I was happy for her that he was coming back but he is to late. 🙂 He never came back by the way. He just used his mental mind games to try to control me. On my wedding night my daughter who loves my husband told me she didn’t want me to get married because of this. By G-d’s great wisdom I said,” ok, dear I will tell you what. I won’t get married tomorrow if you never get married. We will live our lives together just you and me for the rest of our lives” well, you could see the wheels in her head a turning. Happily, she desided that one day she would like to be married…. Boy, was I ever glad! that was over 10 years ago.
I am happily married now to a wonderful man. Yes, I had to make some difficult choices. I am glad I did it though. G-d has blessed me for my faithfulness.
Now, if you do want to keep him I also know of a woman that waited 3 years for her husband to come back. She prayed for him daily. He showed up on her doorstep one day begging for her forgiveness. G-d had changed his heart. Now, It is a desition you have to make. No one can make it for you. I must also say this womans children were all grown up. She also didn’t have to worry about abuse except that he left her for other woman. So, keep that in mind also. What ever you decide remember only You can go on with your life. Only you can love yourself. Only you can love your children. Other can help you but altimately you are the one that has to decide …..Is it really worth it?
As for living with your mom. That is great it is also very hard to do. Either way you go you may be able to have a place to come back to if it doesn’t work out. It is scary but you can do it.
You and your children may also be suffering from post tramatic stress disorder….And have abandonment issues. This will delay their development. Just so you know this probably set you back 3 years give or take.
For your kids…. Your son and daughter are old enough to help you with your youngest sons homework. If they are not helping out in that area they should be helping each other. You may find that games played together not only bond them but they can learn alot. 🙂 Have them do math games, geography games, ect…. This will strengthen some of those skills they are lacking…..
Other than that… it is probably the only advise I can give you. I hope some or all of this will help you in some way. I will say a prayer for you .. I will pray that G-d will show you what direction to follow, make you strong in your desitions, help your kids understand what is going on. Help for your mother if you do decide to leave. Place you where you are needed, wanted, and love to be….I pray for peace, love and joy to fill your life again.
May G-d Bless you and your children!
