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Discouraged ( long post)
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This is our 5th year of homeschooling our 13ds, 11dd, and almost 9 year old ds. My husband has been living apart from our family for the past 2 years ( we have not seen him at all) and before that he was away much of the time and there have been severe financial struggles as a part of all this. For the last 23 months, the kids and I have been living with my mom ( we had to move to her state) and have no car of our own. She does not seem to be have a saving faith in Christ and as you can imagine, this makes this situation even more challenging than it already is. She is a blessign in that we can live her for no cost and we have shared some wonderful times with her but it is still tough.
Our oldest had 2 years in a classical school and our daughter was there for K. We did more of a classical homeschool when we first began but I have been trying to adopt more of a CM methodology as the years have gone on. I will say my habits are not good. I have always struggled with this on different fronts even though I was a straight A student in school.I am struggling with how to build discipline into the lives of my kids. It seems like a battle at every turn. I am too tired to follow through and give in.
My oldest is very bright but also what i woudl sadly describe as lazy. He tries to find the easy way for everything. He is also very angry right now b/c of the situation with his dad. However, I am not convinced that there are not some underlying issues when it comes to putting math on paper. I know he can’t bear the sound of lead on paper so he uses a pen which is less than convenient for math. He can do so much in his head yet can’t seem to write it down and thus does make arithmetic errors. He is taking 2 online classes with the Potter’s School ( apologia phyiscal science which he loves and transition math). I have tried to give him the tools to be organized, binders, his own workspace, clanedars, due dates, etc but I feel like I am holiding his hand each step of the way and I would have thought he could be more independent and responsible by now.
Our daughter is an avid reader, loves history because she loves relationships and HATES math. We have tried a number of different things from Saxon to Singapore to MEP to adapted mind online to Life of Fred ( she despised LOF and I really thought she would like it. She thought it was the dumbest story EVER!). Her math facts are weak. We can spend weeks on a topic and then move to something else and then to back to that topic and it is almost as if she never saw it before. She is a very sloppy kid as well. She loves to bake and makes a mess, her handwriting is sloppy – she just is not one to care about those details in any part of her life.
My youngest is FULL FULL of energy. It is almost painful for me to see how active he is. He is very oral, plays legos constantly, has a terrible time staying focused when it is time to do math and he is good at it ( can do much of it mentally and understands the relationships with the numbers) and can narrate orally well as can all my kids I think. He HATES to write, he printing is very hard to read, he forms many of his letters from bottom to top and can’t seem to stay focused to do that. He is a lover of history as well and is becoming more of an avid reader.
I fear that habit training may be at the root of some of these issues but I also think there is more to it than that. They are all dealing in different ways with teh absence of their dad and his continued promises to come home that have not materialized. I am fighting a whole range of emotions about this as well. It has been a VERY hard season. I am weary. I am feeling defeated in my schooling. The kids don’t like school. The homeschool that I dreamt of seems so out of reach. I feel like I am doing a disservice to my kids.
We go to a small church and they have a small handful of friends and they are also lonely. They can’t wait to get out of mum-mum’s house to go be with friends. And that is a whole different post about what some families allow and others dont. More battles…
In my frustration, I looked up Ambleside and found that they had an internship that I could take that I thought might give me some ideas. That led to a search of the Ambleside School in Herndon, VA and then to 2 other CM friendly schools in that area. We are now considering a move there becuase one of the schools has openings for our 3 kids should they be accepted. This is all providing that my husband does return to the US and we can afford it which he says will happen.
This is my first year to go through an evaluation in PA to satisfy the state and I am starting to get anxious about that. We do school every day but just fear we may not get enough accomplished to make the gov’t happy.
All this to say, I don’t know if I need to try to get my boys evaluated for some disorders that they may have, if I send them to school if I apply and they are accepted if we move, do I enroll my oldest for more at the Potter’s school to lighten my burden a tad?
Thanks to you in advance for wisdom and prayers.
I don’t have advice except to say: take it one day at a time. Make sure you are taking care of yourself with good support from willing family members or close friend that can pray with you and encourage you. Let them know your needs.
Blessings to you and your family!
I’m sorry that I don’t have much advice. I pray that you will feel God’s guidance, and agree about taking one day at a time and getting support. God is sufficient for all things, if we can try not to worry and take each step in His Presence and with His priorities.
Would an online program like Teaching Textbooks for math possibly help with the pencil lead issue? Maybe your dd who hates math might also like it…I’ve heard that result from others. And it would definately make it more cost effective if you knew you’d re-use.
It sounds like a pretty stressful, emotional time. Maybe some time to take it a little easier on school and focus on relationships and habits might help? I know it’s always hard to not feel guilty breaking from the books…but maybe focusing on the 3 R’s/Bible and some living books/videos for the rest might relieve some pressure? But I don’t know what your state requires…..sorry, I’m probably not much help. But just prayed for you and your family. Blessings, Gina
I’m sorry for the difficult situation you’re in. I would agree with Gina that focusing on relationships and habits is the place to start. Choose one or two habits at a time to work on so that it doesn’t seem so overwhelming. Then maybe choose one school subject to focus on and do well each day. If you get that one thing done and spend some time in God’s word and prayer with your children, consider that day a success! Then do it again the next day and the next and when that gets pretty easy, add in one more thing. Make sure you begin your day with prayer. Do not let your feet hit the floor in the morning until you’ve asked God to help you. Pray all day. Find at least one thing to be thankful for every hour you’re awake. When that gets easy, find two things every hour. I’m convinced that prayer and thankfulness are the keys to a joyful life no matter what your circumstances may be. I’ll pray for you.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can give you advice. If you don’t like it I am sorry to perplex you with my ideas. Please just know that i also had a similar situation and I truly feel for you. Blessing be to you for trying to keep it together and obey G-d in the process. It is hard but I will try to give you what I went threw and how you may be able to find peace or not. First of all I want to add that he may come back but only when he has exhausted every aspect in his life. This is where the “Hedge of Thorns” comes in. Praying this over him Satam must get permision from G-d to do his work. There are certain things you must do also. G-d has promised that he has done all things for the good. It depends on how bad you really want him back. I know this does work. I also know that sometimes someones sin can leave a scar so deep that it is never forgiven truly. I don’t know what kind of person you are. I am a very forgiving person but I have seen women who when they get their man back batter them up for leaving them. It goes on and on until the man leaves again.
Now, There is just something inside a some that they just feel they aren’t living the life they want to…. “The grass is always greener” This is what happened to me. You can’t make someone love you, or your children. Love is in action not in words. So what are his actions? Are they loving? Now, I don’t know if he ever hit you but I want to say something that I learned. A Question for you to ponder??? ….. Do you hit someone you love? What kind of person would you hit? My answer was…. An enemy! So, if you were ever battered keep that in mind. Another thing I learned is if your husband did come back and he does this thing then he may not do it to you anymore but he will transfer it to your children. Now, Like I said I am not saying this has happened to you. Just advise I learned from my situation. I always thought it could get better. He was a christian. G-d could change him. I want to add that G-d may be doing the change in you. He calls us to live in peace. Was it peaceful with him? Was it turmoil? Remember your children are watching and seeing how you handle this situation. It may determine how they handle one that is similar…. ” The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.” 🙂
OK…. Now, I don’t know about the abuse of you but he is abusing your children. He is telling them he is coming back. He has no intention on coming back. That is unless he has no where else to go. Do you really want someone back who is only coming back for his benefit not those of you or your children? I know this because my ex. did this to my daughter. It took good christian counseling with a trusted therapist to get her to ask her dad the best question…. ” When are you coming back?” he kept saying, “I don’t know…” So she would continue to beleive his lies… This is emotional abuse by the way. The therapist told my daughter to give her a date when he will be back. He fought this but she insisted. I think she even told him the therapist said she needed to know. I think that is how she got the date of a year. I laughed because I knew it was a lie. I even asked him to quit telling her that. He wouldn’t stop. A year came and went. She finally realized he was lying and she had to deal with that in her own time. I told her I have to go on with my life with or without your father.
I had decided to stop the cycle. 3 years later I met my wonderful husband. One G-d picked out just for me. What did her dad say the day before we were to get married? He told her not to let me get married because he was coming back. I told her I was happy for her that he was coming back but he is to late. 🙂 He never came back by the way. He just used his mental mind games to try to control me. On my wedding night my daughter who loves my husband told me she didn’t want me to get married because of this. By G-d’s great wisdom I said,” ok, dear I will tell you what. I won’t get married tomorrow if you never get married. We will live our lives together just you and me for the rest of our lives” well, you could see the wheels in her head a turning. Happily, she desided that one day she would like to be married…. Boy, was I ever glad! that was over 10 years ago.
I am happily married now to a wonderful man. Yes, I had to make some difficult choices. I am glad I did it though. G-d has blessed me for my faithfulness.
Now, if you do want to keep him I also know of a woman that waited 3 years for her husband to come back. She prayed for him daily. He showed up on her doorstep one day begging for her forgiveness. G-d had changed his heart. Now, It is a desition you have to make. No one can make it for you. I must also say this womans children were all grown up. She also didn’t have to worry about abuse except that he left her for other woman. So, keep that in mind also. What ever you decide remember only You can go on with your life. Only you can love yourself. Only you can love your children. Other can help you but altimately you are the one that has to decide …..Is it really worth it?
As for living with your mom. That is great it is also very hard to do. Either way you go you may be able to have a place to come back to if it doesn’t work out. It is scary but you can do it.
You and your children may also be suffering from post tramatic stress disorder….And have abandonment issues. This will delay their development. Just so you know this probably set you back 3 years give or take.
For your kids…. Your son and daughter are old enough to help you with your youngest sons homework. If they are not helping out in that area they should be helping each other. You may find that games played together not only bond them but they can learn alot. 🙂 Have them do math games, geography games, ect…. This will strengthen some of those skills they are lacking…..
Other than that… it is probably the only advise I can give you. I hope some or all of this will help you in some way. I will say a prayer for you .. I will pray that G-d will show you what direction to follow, make you strong in your desitions, help your kids understand what is going on. Help for your mother if you do decide to leave. Place you where you are needed, wanted, and love to be….I pray for peace, love and joy to fill your life again.
May G-d Bless you and your children!
Oh , I almost forgot to mention. Have you tried Sue Patricks Workbox system? It is a wonderful book. You can check it out at the library and read it for free. Then, you can go on line and look up different workboxes. Copy your favorite stuff for free and put it together. This will greatly help you and your children if you are having difficulties. I think you would greatly benefit from her system. You can even use large boxes of cereal to use as your workboxes. It would cost you next to nothing. You could probably get your stuff laminated at your local library very cheap or go to an office supply store. Either way it probably wouldn’t cost you more than a few dollars. 🙂
Blessings!
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