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discipling
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OK… so this is a touchy subject on every forum I visit so if you would rather pm me that is fine. I am going to be openly frank here because I am desperate.
I read so much about saying things one time, in a normal voice, and expect first time obedience. There are other things as well that we mothers deal with on a regular basis. What kind of discipline do we do if they don’t?
I get how to do it when they are little and a little more formative. But what about those of us who are starting a little late in the game with some older children.
Not sure if anyone will actually talk with me about this. I guess I understand if not. I just feel like if we are going to say this is what we should expect then really we should be willing to help those who are asking for help when they are asking to really better their family for the Lord.
TIA!!
Also, sorry I have been posting so much negative, sad, poor me stuff. I am just really struggling right now. Thanks for all the help. This is such a great place!!!!
Hi Tia,
Did you mean disciplining? I’m thinking so from the content of your post, but if you meant discipling, I’ll need to chime in later.
Disciplining can be a touchy subject, that is for sure. To spank? Not to spank? Time out? No time outs? There are lots of factors and different families have different tools in their discipline toolbox. I’ll only share a couple of resources that have been personally helpful to me and my family. I know others who wouldn’t want these books and ideas in their tool shed, much less their everyday toolbox, but that’s okay. Different strokes for different folks.
I like Hints on Child Training by Clay Trumball and Raising Godly Tomatoes by Elizabeth Krueger. RGT is available free on her website, or you can order the book.
Blessings,
Christie
I’ve heard good things about Love and Logic from a friend of mine who is a foster mom. I personally like the book “Creative Correction” by Lisa Whelchel. It’ll also help lighten your load a bit, as Lisa has a very friendly writing style, and is very encouraging.
Blessings
Oh goodness, I did mean disciplining :p
I have read Raising Godly Tomatoes and for littles I think it is fine, but she doesn’t go into older children that much. I need help with my olders. I can get the Hints on Child Training from the library and sadly I have Creative Correction and haven’t read it. I am a book junky. I buy them before I have time to read them.
I will check out the other 2 books. But first I need to read Laying Down the Rails 🙂 Or maybe I could do 2 at once?????
ETA: I have also read Sheparding a Child’s Heart but it was quite awhile ago.
My hubby and I took a Love & Logic class not that long ago. We really liked it but I can’t use it with some of the issues that are coming up. I am not one to hold onto offenses and I have a terrible memory 🙁 So I cannot use their ideas of a child not wanting to help me or showing disrespect so in return we don’t take them to do the things they want to do or not let them do something fun with the family 🙁
Hi Nina,
I looked back and it appears that your children are 7, 9, and 12? That’s not old; at least not too old to use corporal punishment. It’s okay to ask the children’s forgivenness for not disciplining them correctly and then rededicate yourself to slowing down life and paying attention. Spanking for safety issues and outright defiance and backtalk (because both of these are rebellion manifested) is typical. Consequences for everything else, whether it be a fine, not being able to go somewhere, whatever a father/mother approve. This is, of course after the training process. For my older ones I will say, “Okay, the training process is over and now consequences kick in.” It’s never a day they say, “Yeehaw!” over, but it works.
My issue so very often is not that I do not know what to do, but that in the busyness of the day (or should I confess and call it what it really is sometimes-the thick of the battle!?), I am not consistent. So, I know that my own duty is to be on my knees before God, ever more getting to know him and praying for my family, surrendering my life to his plan. As God disciples me in an area, I then am to disciple my children in that same thing.
Blessings,
Cindy
Nina,
I just want to encourage you because it sounds like you’re a bit discouraged lately. My oldest child is 30, the youngest is 6. You’d think that I’d have this parenting thing down by now, but sometimes it still throws me for a loop! Raising Godly Tomatoes, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Don’t Make Me Count to Three — all great books and certainly helpful. However there are times when I just wish that there was a manual that I could read: when your child does “X”, you should do “Y” and everything will be nice and neat, and it just doesn’t work that way.
It is a huge comfort to me to know that asking God for wisdom is the one and only prayer that he will ALWAYS say yes to. Cling to it. Depend on it. Things will get easier, and then they will get hard again. That is how God grows us.
In the One who is able,
Jean
I wanted to chime in and say Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp is excellent! Our church is currently doing a Sunday school class using the Tripp’s The Case For Kids DVD set…very very good. The book Creative Corrections, also already mentioned here, is good for thinking of creative ways to handle things. But the books and DVD’s by the Tripps really get to the heart of the matter.
I too, have read so much about “first time obedience” and “if you do this…then you’re kids will turn out perfect”. That’s just not so. There is no formula. Pray, pray, pray. I find myself crying out to God often for wisdom and grace. I think that’s the best place to be in. To realize our total dependance on God..and not a formula.You are not alone! I posted before I read your thread.. I am trying to figure out with my 12 yr old. With the little ones all the above books have helped and worked. But I agree I feel odd spanking my 12 yr old, where I dont’ a 2 year old cause to me reason is or should be understood by 12. At 2 a little swat is a great way to remind the mind. You are not alone. My prayers to you. Misty
I have a Consequences chart that I made. In the first row I listed the action ( Arguing/Complaining/Whining, Laziness/Lack of diligence, Being unkind, ect…). Then I put a Scripture next to them in the second row. In the third row I list different consequences for those actions. For example next to Arguing/Complainging/Whining the consequences are not being allowed to speak for a certain amount of time or apple cider vinegar, depending on how bad it is. For Laziness/Lack of diligence the con. is something taken away (usually money) or extra chores. It helps me to have it written down as a quick reference. I don’t post it in plain sight. The chart is for my good. I am trying to memorize the Scriptures, so I can share them when needed. This helps me be consistent, and keeps my husband and I on the same page.
Here is an excellent blog post by Sally Clarkson:
http://www.itakejoy.com/first-time-obedience-really/
It was a very helpful and refreshing article to read! I think it’s important to aproach whatever parenting “method” you chose through this lense…
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