Discernment Help for Mom

Jo…You are so amazing and you are so me just a couple of years ago!!  I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it’s okay…slow down…

You are recovering still from a baby…just because we are all victims of the “6 weeks and you are normal” scam, doesn’t mean it is true!  Especially if you have chronic issues…those are always affected by this kind of thing.   Sit down, take a breath, and just tink about what happens if school is put off for a month while you figure out a meal plan for a week, some freezer meals for those unprepared days, if you take a break from some of the “extra” church activities, if you spend a month FINISHING the ATMOSPHERE of your home/school (see, you can still count it as “school” because you will be setting the tone and stage, and if you are like me, the school ideas percolate in your mind while you are doing the others.)  I was feeling so guilty about not “doing” school the last month, when my friend came over and saw the de-cluttering and organizing I’d done.  She said “oh, your house is a school”  and I sat back for a minute thinking “it is?”  Then I realized that I had given it a much better atmosphere by my changes and realized what she meant.  That was the best compliment I could have ever had, and I quit feeling guilty.

My point it this… we have many diet restrictions here too.  And I have many of those things on your list on mine.  It is okay to not do it all right now!  The best thing I can think of to offer for comfort is to just work on the house and food for a while.  It’s okay if it takes two months…I can tell you now that your children’s irritiabilitty and quarreling are made worse by hunger, and not being prepared makes that way worse.  We have it here.  Finish de-cluttering, then rearrange the furniture.  Your children’s academic futures will not be broken for life by taking a much-needed life break!

If I was there, I’d come hug you, then help you!  Hope you feel better soon…Sheila

P.S.  put in some ear plugs…you will still hear the important stuff, trust me! 

I agree whole-heartedly with Sheila. 

The house, in disarray, will cause everything else to seem greater than it really is.  The clutter, unfinished projects, etc. is cluttering your mind and makes it so difficult to get anything done.  Clutter-free living = a calm mama = calm kids.  And, I agree that your kids will not suffer academically while you tackle the clutter/schedule/routine, they will only benefit from it when mama is able to concentrate and be better prepared. 

I know that in my home, when clutter/unfinished projects/no meal plans take over everything starts feeling out of wack.  I am very irritable, disorganized, spending unnecessary cash for being unprepared when the clutter starts taking over…it’s sad, but I function better when we have rid ourselves with nagging projects and clutter.  My kids don’t always understand when I just have to get rid of things and even feel it can be a bit unfair. But, I do think they notice a huge difference in my demeanor when I’ve taken care of those type of things, so they comply.

Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself.  Use a timer, take babysteps and be happy with your progress, whatever that means to you.   

Jo, you are such a great mom! There are ao many things on your plate and it is so obvious how much your family means to you. I recently read the Duggars new book, A Love That Multiplies. I really, REALLY think it would encourage you (aka Mother Culture!:) during this time and be rest assured that you are completely NORMAL. 🙂

The book has wonderfully encouraging words from Michelle, as well as some good tips on running a large household. I heartily recommend it!

Yes, I believe it is better. I didn’t know much about them at all until we went to a local book signing as a surprise for my daughter who likes their show. In their new book, they are very open and genuine about their past couple of years, and basically not so “Waltons TV-perfect”, know what I mean? I didn’t read their first book until I got the second. The first book was ok, but I am glad I initailly read the second book because I probably wouldn’t have gotten it if I just read their first one beforehand. HTH!

oh my, Jo!  i have so been there!  cry out to God!  My prayer has been: “My God, You are a God of order, not chaos!  Please help me order my chaos today!”

my very first recommendation is this:  figure out food.  After kids are in bed one night, ask your hubby to hold the baby, right after a nursing.  sit down with a pad and pencil, and take inventory of your family’s favorite meals and snacks, put on a list.  take inventory of your pantry, fridge, and freezer and figure out what you can make from what you have.  then plug it into a slot on a calendar.  lastly, sit down with the sale circular for whatever local store you shop at (beyond the garden and farms, etc) and look at what is on sale.  make a grocery list of sale items that you need based on your family’s favorites.  THen add to your list whatever else you need to round out that list for some set period of time (i usually do about a week).  our store here in NJ has an online shop from home function that is 10$.  then i just drive to the store, park in the designated spot, and they take my name, give me my total, and load the car for me.  i don’t even get out.  awesome, and worth the $.  I spend less, even with the 10$, because i can always see a running total online and this way, i never overspend.  If a store near you has this, do it!  another hint is to have certain days where certain snacks or meal reoccur.  for example, our breakfast menu looked like this:  Monday, oatmeal, tuesday, scrambled eggs, wednesday oatmeal (either in the form of baked oatmeal or homemade granola), thursday, another form of eggs (hard boiled or poached), friday cold cereal or kids’ individual choice.  the kids helped me do this and there was no arguing.  lunch could be done similarly.  we have dietary restrictions over here to, and i make a lot, but not everything from scratch.  i’d like to do a bit more.   so i hear you on how much time food takes up and i suffer with fatigue and fibromyalgia, GERD, and a host of other inflammatory issues – which i am really trying to treat with diet cxhange, so i really hear you.  Once you set some basic menus in place, you can post it on a calendar or list, and know that it’s done.  i use the crock pot a lot, and do a lot of soup, beans, etc – things that don’t require a lot of time from me in the late afternoon.  one quick glance at the list before bed, and you’ll know what to take out to defrost before you go to bed, so that it’s ready for you for the next day.

i would also recommend hard stops in your day, much like sonya said.  by THIS time, everyone is dressed and  sitting down to eat, each person brings me his/her plate.  by THIS time, each person has had a turn with me to do some school and get basic academics done, whatever is not finished by this time – put away for tomorrow (or with older kids, it’s homework).  then lunch at THIS time, cleanup by this time, and then quiet time for everyone where you can put on praise music and clean up, put a few things in place for the rest of day – wear the baby if you need to.  Then school, play, whatever, till THIS time in afternoon.  Then clean up till This time in afternoon, and then some approved play nearby while you finish fixing dinner.  if y ou just have some routine time blocks, where the kids know what they can and cannot do during each and what you expect during that block, things will run more smoothly.  also, i highly recommend the book: Large Family Logistics.  Vision forum sells it.  you can’t let on epart of the day ruin the rest of it!  Hope this helps some!

in Him, 

Amy

Wow! You all are amazing, I am just going to say it. AMAZING. There is NO way you will believe what you have done when you look back after your babies are bigger. You are in the busiest season of your lives and doing THE most important thing. Raising the next generation of good, strong, Godly men and women. Yes, schedules and time blocks save our sanity, I still struggle with discernment as to the best use of my time, then try to cram it all in at the last minute when the day has slipped away.But I really agree with Sonya about limiting the outside influences when you can. I love the saying that goes something like ‘Choose the best over the better’..its a season of life that can be long, tiring and seem neverending but believe me, it does end, they do grow up and you will have the satisfaction of a job well done. I am adding this group as a collective to my prayers- there are just so many attacks out there right now. Everything from believing the lie of society that says you must hold a paying job to ‘be working’ to the economy to fighting between our own kids. Keep praying, keep striving and keep on doing the best you can. I pop into the Flylady posts once in a while, I like her ideas for 15 minute clean up and keeping the kitchen clean. Just take it from this mom of 5 ( which isn’t really that many) – this too, shall pass. And you are doing an AMAZING thing- all of you!

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank#.Th-SFUtgvdl.facebook

I thought this was a lovely article – very encouraging – and might be encouraging to those that are struggling with scheduling. 

I didn’t take the time to read all these wonderful posts, but what I do to help me stay on track is to make a list of daily chores that I need to accomplish and then I cross them off as I go about my day. (some aren’t just daily chores like painting the living room or cleaning the over but those go on about one per week.)  When I read or hear about something neat and new to try.  I tuck it away for the time being, and later plan it into my schedule.

Works for me.