I would add Ginger Plowman’s books to your list, BTW.
Having read 3 of Rosemond’s books and familiar with his advice piece in our paper; the phrase “your child play by themselves almost all the time with very little interaction” is a little missleading and out of context. Many modern, child-centered parents get hyper over his advice. However, what he especially refers to is the over-labeling we have in our society now when there are just a lot of children who’s natural narcissism, which rears it’s head around 18 mths., is being elongated into self-centered older children (and young adults) and child-centered families. Leaving them “alone” to figure out how to entertain themselves instead of always being their social secretary-of-sorts, taking them here and their so they are “busy”; being their taxi momma, turning the household into a chaotic place. His recommendations would be akin to CM’s wisdom of “MAsterly Inactivity” and letting your child alone to be a child.
Personally, I am not here to entertain my children. I am not responsible to my children to find things to occupy them, but to encourage them to use their own imaginations, develop critical thinking skills through imaginative play alone and/or with a sibling, etc. He encourages the traditional family dynamic that children play with each other (i.e. siblings), not parents play with children; parents run the household (teaching the children to do the same as they grow). Now, he’s not referring to family game night, doing puzzles together, some times building blocks together, going camping together, developing the familial relationship or ignoring behavioral situations that arise that must be handled, etc. He strongly discourages television (esp. under age 2) and electronic toys. Think about it though, children can become dependant upon our brains when they are using blocks, building a train track, or whatever they are playing with instead of if we leave them be, they will have to figure it out themselves and that’s a good thing. I’ve always been in ear shot and eye shot of my children there in the living room (usually with a story on cd) , but left them to figure out on their own as much as possible, so they can have the pride of an accomplishment that is theirs after hard thinking and trying.
He encourages a G-d centered/parent-centered family, not ignored children, but reinforces the G-d given authority of the parent over the child. He goes against the psycho-babble of child psychologists that from the 60’s have made parents weak-willed regarding their children and made children seem like fragile beings that must be treated with kid gloves (no pun intended); worried about their self-esteem. Child psychologists and parenting “experts” have been undermining BIblical teachings on the parent-child relationship and sin nature for 40 yrs. now, causing parents to feel very inadequate and “needy” for secular psychological advice; replacing Biblical, age-old advice from older women and men in our extended family and community (the grandmothers, especially) who have already been there and done that in child rearing, those mentors that G-d gives us-the common sense about parenting that the modern teachings on child-rearing rejects.
His advice is that children are far more capable than our society gives them credit for and that from about age 15 mths., (this is a visual example coming) -a mom should start moving away from being in a bent over position, constantly doing for her child and taking the position of standing up and expecting the child to start doing for themselves, as developmentally able, to grow into personally responsible, respectful, contributing members of society. Which is the exact opposite of what is happening in the young people as you look around in our culture; a disturbing portion of whom have either been drugged at some point in their young lives or are currently drugged due to their lack of self-control and extended self-centeredness (i.e. undisciplined sin nature).
He rejects the helicopter parents and indulgent parent as well as the dictatorial parenting style. I believe the term is authoritative, not authoriatrian.
His advice is neither harsh nor unloving, but many parents percieve him as such. It’s all in your own life-experience and perspective, I guess. I would just recommend you go into it with an open mind and really ignore my and other’s opinions and prayerfully form your own by reading for yourself.
On a personal note, I sense some fear that you will repeat family dysfunction; so may I recommend praying (or continuing to pray and having your elders lay hands on you) and claiming the freedom and victory you have as Yeshua(Jesus) broke the curse of sin and death on that tree, including family curses passed down; so don’t walk in fear regarding your parenting but freedom. Keep claiming Scriptural freedom and daily asking the L-rd’s Spirit to give you discernment and direction.
G-d’s Blessings, Rachel
