Did you have discussions about YOU homeschooling over Christmas?

To be fair, she is right in a way. Many homeschoolers do allow the gifted areas to excell and not push other weaker areas. It’s a great advantage, but also a problem if you ever decide to enroll them in a school or college and have to play by their rules and learning how to work the system. It’s not a fun fact to face, but it’s reality. 🙁

This year, I have my ds13 enrolled part time at a private school for some areas that needed pushing. It was a decision my dh and I thought to be wise for his possible college future. It has proved challenging for my son, but he has truly learned in so many ways. He has really stepped up to the plate and performed like I’ve never seen at home. I know this is not true for some, but it’s been a good thing for us.

It is so frustrating when anyone puts labels and boxes around certain groups of people who educate differently. Every child is different and has different needs. I think it’s ok to be clear in humbly explaining this to a person who wants to judge.

Blessings!

Two years ago a cousin asked ds what grade he was in. He told her and said he was homeschooled. She must hvae forgotten, b/c last year she asked again. Neither time did she judge. She thought it was great, she had a friend who homeschooled, and said she wished she could. She thinks she can’t afford to quit her job, especially since her oldest is nearing college age. This year she remembered and asked if he was still homeschooled. That was all she said. An aunt, a former college professor, gave him a workbook and flash cards for math. My extended family seems to realize it’s none of their business or they support my decision even if they don’t necessarily agree with it. Of course, we usually only see them once a year or so.

My immediate family, on the other hand–that’s a different story. I try not to share my struggles with ds or my concerns about dd with them. Their response is always the same–“If you don’t know what to do, put them in school.” My sister, an elementary educatiom major, must be under the impression ds is behind in everything, b/c she still reads easy stuff to him (Berenstain Bears, Clifford, that sort of thing) and fusses at me when I tell him to read something harder. If she is babysitting and takes them to the library, she lets him get twaddle instead of encouraging him to get harder stuff. AARGH!

OK, I may have gotten a little off topic. But basically, any mention of homeschooling over the holidays was positive or neutral.

We, too have had good and bad reactions from family and friends (and we’ve been at this since my oldest was preK, she’s 6th grade now). A few things I’ve realized over the years:

– There are some who ask questions out of love for your children. They may not understand how homeschooling can meet a child’s needs, push them, or equip them in upper level classes. But they are asking out of love for your child. Over time they hopefully can see that your children are learning and growing well at home.

– There are some who think it’s great. Love them, treasure them, hug them often.

– There are some who ask how things are going but don’t really want to know, they just want an opening to air their disapproval for homeschooling. These are the ones we refuse to engage. We state our reasons and move on.

– Some feel judged or threatened by your choice, like it is an indictment on their past or current parenting and educational choices. It’s a balancing act to share opening why you choose homeschooling without coming across that everyone should do it or they are not as good a parent.

I have one family member (my husband’s step mom) who literally has told me more than once to : Stop having babies (I’m on #8), put them in school and daycare, and go get a job so we can have more ‘things’. It’s not even that she thinks homeschooling is harmful to our children’s education but that we are not living up to her ‘standard of living’ because we are a one income family. Sigh.

We have one close friends family that does NOT homeschool and the husband is a teacher at the local public high school. We’re a few years ahead of them kid=wise with an 11yo oldest while their oldest starts Kindergarten next fall. So while the husband will not homeschool their children it has done AMAZING things for him to see our children’s learning, interests, strong areas, and struggling ones, plus how we work to strengthen those. We are a positive testimony that while he does not want his children homeschooled he is seeing that it can be a positive, successful learning environment. He is no longer antagonistic about homeschooling. Huge progress.

I think the most important thing is to be matter of fact about what you do, share how your children succeed and how you find ways to help them learn areas they struggle in as they come up, and assume that her comments are coming from her love of her grandchildren. She wants the best for them, just like you do. Over time she’ll see that homeschooling really can offer the best for them.

Just remember that a public school is only going to see the homeschool kids that struggled. If it was going great then they would still be homeschooling. So they don’t usually see the millions who succeed at homeschooling.

It is the same way around for homeschooling. We see plenty of refugees from the public schools. The people who thought it was great there, are still there. So you can’t judge either group by those who left it.

Just concentrate on your reasons for homeschooling, smile at those who think differently, and do what you planned.

I have to admit, I’ve only scanned the first few posts here briefly, but one thought about being prepared to answer the homeschooling questions popped into my mind. We teach our children how to collect their thoughts about a subject and put them on paper in a logical, expressive manner; perhaps it would be a good exercise for us moms to do the same. It might be good to sit down over a couple of sessions and approach it as though we were writing an article explaining how and/or why we homeschool our children. I would then file the end result somewhere and reread it before any significant family gatherings. (Oh, let’s face it….it would be good for me to read it every time we venture out to the grocery store!)

It reminds me of 1 Peter 3:15, “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear….”