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Dependent Preschooler
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My DS5 thinks he needs someone to be around him all the time. All. The. Time. I know I’ve created these problems with him myself. I suggest him play outside but he just won’t go unless someone goes with him. Today he wouldn’t draw a picture unless someone sat with him and when I wouldn’t he was extremely frustrated. I want to get to where he can entertain/occupy himself instead of always needing help, involvement, and/or attention from others. Any suggestions?
Thanks!
Dana
Start small! When you sit down to do something with him spend a bit of time then say “I need to go do ___ for a minute, I’ll be right back.” Then keep your word and come back. For example I would go switch a load of laundry, sweep a floor, check on a meal, water flowers, anything. If you’re outside with him do something similar but make it something in the house.
Then once he lets you do that without following you and keeps playing/working while you’re gone you can make it longer by doing TWO things, and so on.
Also, you can start by having him doing something beside you, while you work on something you need to do. That way you can talk to him, maybe stop to briefly admire his playdough creation or lego building, or whatever, and yet not be directly involved in his activity. Take things to do with you outside (meal planning, reading a book, or outdoor chores), so you are THERE, but doing your own thing. Then, as Tristan says, slowly start leaving for brief periods of time.
My 5yo (youngest of 4) is like that. We just started where playing with his legos or other building things earns him a media token just like he earns for doing his school subjects and his chores cheerfully.
I would also institute a rest time in the afternoons. If my kiddos (dd6 and ds3) don’t take a nap, that’s fine, but they do each have to stay in their own rooms and play quietly for 1 hour. ds3 usually tries to come out one or two times during the hour but he is promptly sent back in and for the most part has learned to play with his trucks, look at his books, ect., by himself and this has trickled over into more independent play during the rest of the day.
These suggestions are fantastic! I especially need to work on being patient with this as a process because I want this problem fixed NOW – haha. 🙂
Another question: do you ever require your children to go outside and play by themselves while you stay inside?
Thanks!
Dana
I never let my children go outside by themselves, but I do allow them to go outside in pairs without me. Once Spring and Summer hit, I do require them to get outside and enjoy the weather. In Winter, I give them the option except in Nature Study.
My kids don’t go outside alone, but as a group I will leave them outside as long as whatever I’m doing in the house has me close to the window so I can monitor. fortunately my kitchen window overlooks the backyard, so they often play out there while I’m prepping meals.
Each of my kids would probably play fine outside by themselves, but for me it’s a safety issue.
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