Defiance – What are my options?

IMO, defiance must be met with a spanking. In addition, you or your husband must go with him to his grandmother’s house and tell her he lied about her and that he is not allowed to play over there because of…and he be required to apologize and ask for forgiveness. I’d speak to the grandparent about this too in advance so they know how important it is not to brush it off or water it down.

Since this is becoming a reoccuring pattern, I’d probably limit/eliminate media exposure and require that he not go outside without being accompanied by you or your husband.

Just some ideas.

BTW, Sheparding a Child’s Heart is a great book for reading about proper implementation of spankings. I know you have already found John Rosemond, which is a great thing.

G-D Bless; it’s a hard one but vitally important to address full on.

I never said to spank and move along. Quite the contrary if you read all that I wrote above.

With the mouthing off instance, I would be as astounded as you are! With that, I’d either spank AND put vinegar or hot sauce or soap (whichever works-not all three) in the mouth OR just vinegar or hot sauce or soap (whichever is most dreaded by child) in the mouth – again without media/treats and perhaps give a whole lot of laundry to do under your direct supervision! Also, make sure he has to tell his father how he treated you when your dh gets home. Your son needs to know that daddy will not accept his wife being disrespected.

All of this followed up with Biblical instruction concerning the area of offense and a time or prayer and contrition.

I just don’t believe that pulling privileges (i.e. grounding) alone affects a 5 yr. old for defiance/disobedience like spanking done properly (the discipline with instruction) + acts of repentence/accountability/training as compared to an older child (age 10+). Does that make sense?

yes, spanking alone doesn’t do it…

Do you have any idea why he is behaving this way?  I tend to believe that kids aren’t defiant “just because.”  There must be something going on that’s causing it.  My first goal would be to figure out why it’s happening.

We try to uilize collaborative (rather than punitive) discipline at our house.  My older daughter is turning 5 this month and she’s had years of practice with it now, so she’s getting pretty good at it.  Basically, we go over the problem(s) together and try to work together to come up with a solution.  Sometimes the solutions she designs aren’t what I’d have thought to do … but because she feels ownership in the process, she usually follows through with them (though being 5, she’s far from perfect!).