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Dd afraid of dentist
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I’m posting this now so we have plenty of time to prepare. We have used the same pediatric dentist since ds9.5 was about 3, so dd’s entire life. We go twice a year. We have another appt coming up in Oct. After our last appt, the dentist told the receptionist to schedule us for 4:00, basically his last appt, b/c of dd. Although she has been going since she was 2, she still screams and has to be held down. It’s all he can do to count her teeth and give them a light brushing.
Short of checking out every book our library has about going to the dentist, what would you suggest? I’ve never done much in the way of role playing, but maybe I should.
Oh, and I think I should mention–I don’t think this is a discipline issue. I think she really is afraid of the dentist. I could ask her what she’s afraid of, but she wouldn’t be able to answer. We’re dealing with language delays, and at the moment she is not answering questions that require more than a yes/no answer.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
TIA,
Karen
Oh, my girly is younger than yours but we have the same problem. She generally has a lot of anxiety and often times we just have to go slow and cope with the fall out. It broke my heart to have to hold her down last time. Thank goodnss she didnt have any cavities! If your dentist is willing to go slow and stop if she starts having a problem that would help, but unfortunately most dentists I have seen generally want to “just get through it” despite the fact that it makes the next time more difficult.
For next time I am planning to talk with her several times about what will happen, how she should act, and what I will do while she is getting her teeth cleaned. We may even play dentist and clean her dolly’s teeth. 🙂 In particular, I will stand next to her, hold her hand, make sure they arent hurting her, make them stop if I see something wrong, etc. I don’t plan on holding her down again though. I think she has so much fear that it will undermine her feeling of safety with *me* if I hold her down for the dentist. So, we will just have to find a way around her anxiety. If the dentist doesnt like it… there are others who will help us work on it.
Here is my experience, for what it’s worth, in dealing with a very fearful child and the dentist issue in particular:
My daughter (whom we later learned has Asperger’s Syndrome) was very fearful about a number of things as a child — like being in wide open spaces, crowds, church, gymnastics class — and the dentist. About ten years ago we realized, like you already have, that her response to these situations was not a discipline issue. We had tried to treat it as such because she would scream and throw fits, and was unable to verbalize her abject terror of these situations. Once we realized it was fear we were dealing with, we decided to do whatever we had to do to make her feel safe. We took her out of gymnastics and started carrying her or letting her ride in a stroller with a shade over her (she was almost 4 at the time and for some reason felt safer in our arms or hidden in a stroller) whenever we were in one of those scary situations. Within a few months we could tell that she was calmer and less fearful in general. I don’t remember how long we had to carry her around like that, but she did outgrow it!
For the dentist — I think we only took her once a year or so, and it wasn’t pretty. When she needed some work done, our dentist opted to send her to a specialist who could put her out completely, because they didn’t want her to get even more fearful than she already was. They had done the same thing with my oldest son a few years before, because he too would freak out at the dentist’s office.
So, for me the first step would be praying about how to help her feel safe at the dentist. Then brainstorming, based on what seems to help calm her in other situations. Role-playing like you mentioned may be helpful. Would sitting in your lap (with you in the dentist’s chair) help her be calmer? Also, if you can explain everything they’ll be doing at the visit, maybe go through the motions of counting teeth and cleaning them on a toy (even if it doesn’t have teeth!), that might help her feel less nervous. If the dental hygenist who works on her can explain everything in simple terms, let her hear the noises she’ll be hearing and see that it’s no big deal, that might help too. –Tara
Just wanted to say that we had our dental appt today and dd did VERY WELL. We had been role playing off and on since I posted, so I hope that played a large part in it. She also went with me when I had an appt a few weeks ago and was able to watch what was going on with me. She was fine even though we had a long wait and she wanted to watch her brother’s session. He was complaining the whole time, but it didn’t rub off on her.
Glad your appointment went well. When I saw the subject line for these posts, I had to check it out. My mom was visiting this weekend and we were looking through a journal she has that belonged to her father (my grandfather). It’s from 1975 or so, which means I would have been 5 or 6. He writes: “Took Nan (my mom) and Kim to dentist today. She wouldn’t let him touch her. Came home.” I do not remember being terrified of the dentist, but I was an extremely shy (and my mom says stubborn, too.) child and I can imagine the fit I threw! My poor mom! But I guess I did get over it- while the dentist is still not my favorite place to go, I do “grin and bear it” now. I bet watching you and how you handled your appointment was a big help to her. My 16 year old just said the thing that scared her the most about the dentist when she was little was that she couldn’t see what he was doing and didn’t like all the sounds that she didn’t understand. All she could see were big hands and strange instruments. Being able to watch a typical appointment and become familiar with the parts of it would help to relieve some of the unknowns that can cause fear. Again, glad it went well!
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