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Dawdling
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Ok – it just seems that my kids have started dawdling, and also started doing the ‘wandering off’ type of thing. This is relatively new (maybe since Christmas?)
I’d noticed, for instance, that Delta (age 9) is now taking much longer for copywork. We have a copywork jar, he is to take out 3 pieces of paper (without his initial on the back), pick one, and write it. That used to take maybe 10-15 minutes. Today – after suggesting copywork about 4 times (they pick what to do when) – I started timing after he had the jar, pencil, and paper. (that took a while.) It took him 25 minutes to pick out the paper and write it. It was “The palest ink is better than the best memory” ~ Chinese proverb. I am of the general opinion that this should have taken 10-15 minutes tops from grabbing the jar and supplies to having it written.
It just seems that I’m spending most of my day calling out to children “What are you working on?, or “What are you doing?” – and to often they aren’t doing anything they are supposed to be doing. This didn’t used to be a problem (occasional, not constant) It is making the days LONG, and much harder on me.
Echo, the other day, was having tantrums when I asked her to do things – until I suggested that she might miss beavers (scouting) that night because she would be at home doing “homework”…..
It just seems like our household is falling, and our homeschool is falling apart.
I completely hear you! I have a 5 year old that is literally the slowest person I have ever met. Most days he will take ALL day long to finish what should take 30 minutes. It really weighs on my nerves! And he gets distracted SO easily. I wish I had a suggestion, but I haven’t figured out anything that actually works yet. Hopefully others will have advice!
I don’t know if you allow video time, but that’s what motivates my 10ys ds. He wants to move onto the next thing because then he gets video time sooner. Or maybe set a timer and stop…anything not done will get done while you have a fun activity for the kids who don’t dawdle? I don’t know….we used to really struggle w/dawdling at breakfast time and it drove me crazy. The timer w/a consequence worked. Hope you find a solution soon! Blessings, Gina
I tried to answer this and the computer ate my reply! Let’s try again.
I have a dawdler. Emma (age 7) would forget her head if it were not attached. No joke. She has benefitted the most from our daily assignment sheets. She also responded best to learning new chores with chorepacks – badge holder attached to her shirt that bumped around and caught her attention. She could check her card to see what she was supposed to be doing.
A few things we have seen help different children based on their dawdling habits:
1. Gather all their materials for the day into a crate and seat them at the table. They don’t get up until work is done (preferably with a checklist to keep them moving).
2. Move the child to a distraction-free zone. One of mine cannot be near a window. If anything moves outside they lose focus and look to see what is going on. Makayla, my 11 yo has just recently started getting up with an alarm clock by choice, earlier than the rest of the house. She discovered she can do her math well and faster when the house is quiet and no siblings are making noise. This from the child who loves to sleep in! We have had times where a child moved to the hall between closed bedroom doors (no window in this area, it’s upstairs so less noise from the house, and nothing to see or do but school work).
I have learned that the only constant in homeschooling and raising children is that changes happen often! What worked last month may not work this month. Children grow into new ages/stages/phases. These may directly affect them(changes in attention/distractability), or they may affect siblings such as when a toddling child becomes a climber and can get on the table in the middle of the fun. Change of seasons affects my kids and me too. When spring arrives and birds chirp, breezes blow, and sun shines we all get restless. In winter we have to find ways to burn energy or the wiggles get the best of us. Summers are perfect for afternoon school when it is too hot for anything else.
Hold steady and just keep plugging away.
Some things we do:
–let them know there will be a snack or game after they are done. It gives them something to look forward to (instead of more work).
–sit next to them…this is difficult when you have so much to do, but I often have a project to work on (lesson or menu planning, knitting, folding laundry, etc.). When they start dawdling, I tell them to keep working right away. If I’m folding laundry in another room, it can take me 20 minutes or more to realize they aren’t working on their math!
–as far as dawdling during meals, I pull out a read aloud. It may not help them eat quicker, but at least we get some work done!
As to the “sit next to them” part – part of it is I’m working with 3 kids…. so I’ll be working with child #3, and suddenly realize that #1 and #2 aren’t doing anything….
Can you all sit at one table? We have done this before too. I actually do not sit down. I rotate around the table between children. The younger ones (too young for ‘school’) are at the table in booster seats with seatbelts and activities to do for up to an hour. We have not been doing this ‘table time’ as much lately with the older 3 having become more independent, but there was a long period of time where it was a daily occurance. It may not help distractable ones though to have all that going on around them.
Unfortunately, we don’t have an appropriate table. Our Kitchen table (for a family of 6) has room for 4. Well, the table could seat 6 if the room was big enough. There also isn’t really room around it for me to go around or otherwise get in there to help. (And on top of it, I can’t remain standing very long.)
Our school is done on tables that fold up and store under the crib. They are larger than TV Trays, and sturdier, but not convenient. Audiobooks are listened to either on the computer in the living room, or on other computers in the house (which I can view what is being done through a viewing program on my computer) Recently I was given an old ipod shuffle, so sometimes a child is doing a reading using my Kindle to read, and the ipod shuffle to listen. (My kids are at a stage that they can read along with audiobooks – but miss too much if they try to read it alone…)
I generally have one table near me where I work 1 on 1 with someone, and there is another table setup for anyone needing one… and someone is generally doing a reading. It was working fine (not perfect, but ok) – but recently it just seems I’m constantly having to get someone on task again.
And yes, there is a pre-schooler and a toddler in the mix. They are often colouring or playing in the bedroom… occasionally a Signing Time video is put on in another room for them.
Probably a large part of it all is me. I’m sick and not feeling great, and stressed out. I am getting upset at them too easily, and just not being the mom/teacher I want to be. I cleaned the girls’ room yesterday – reducing what they had…. (down to 3 dolls/stuffies each, one other item, and dress up clothes only) – their clothes are in my room right now – and the room was totally trashed again today. Ok, not nearly so bad… but really…..
Anyway, it just seems like there are more problems recently.
You’ve gotten some good suggestions, many of which we have used at different times. As Tristan said, what works one month (or week) won’t work the next, but then it will again. Kids! Sometimes dawdling is an attention-seeking device. My 9-yr-old is slower than molasses when it’s Mom Work Time. For spelling he will draw a picture on each letter. Or trace the letter literally 50 times until is it dark and thick. Each. stinking. letter. And he’s talking the whole time. Just chatting his little head off. Two things have worked well for him. First, I take a few minutes to chat with him about his day or whatever he wants to talk about. Then I say it’s time to work and he gets down to it. Second, I tell him that he’s wasting my time by taking SO LONG to write one word. And if he wants to waste my time, then I’ll waste his which means an extra chore during play time. That usually speeds him up pretty fast. Not so much for the oldest. He’d happily do a bazillion chores if it meant delaying his work.
You have to find what works for each kid and then sometimes change it! One of my 12-yr-olds loves to have a list and works his way through it, budgeting time for this or that, setting reading goals and factors in ‘down time’ throughout the day. He also uses white noise on his Kindle if the house becomes to overwhelming for him. The other 12-yr-old loses every list I make for him, even ones attached to his body. Fruit snacks, computer games, and videos light a fire under my 6-yr-old.
I was writing at the same time you were, Suzukimom. I hear you on the sick part. I’ve been dealing with that as well, and the kids were reacting to it. Dad finally sat them down and explained exactly what he expected from them, how they needed to support and help me, etc and what would happen should they not do their work or cause problems during the day. They didn’t realize how sick I was since I try not to broadcast it from the mountains, and I didn’t want to worry/scare them. Once they understood it, they have turned into the best helpers around. And the few problems we’ve had have quickly been dealt with by dad.
Part of it can be the weather as well. It seems like it’s cabin fever crazy time for a lot of people. See if you can get out somewhere. A change of location, even for a few hours, can make a huge difference. The library. Zoo. Nature center. Anywhere. We’re working on going outside even when it’s freezing cold. I don’t always go with them, but I watch from the window while they run around screaming, chasing each other with swords and climbing all over stuff. Then they come in, warm up and focus on work.
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