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daughter attitude out of hand
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HI ladies,
So, this week has been a challenge with my dd 10. She has been so disrespectful and argues about everything, then the tears start. Not sure how to handle this. We had 3 boys first and so dealing with a girl at 10 is so different then the boys. I cant tolerate the mouth and when you tell her she is acting out she cries and says ……. She also claims I don’t teach her. Any help would be great!
I can’t give you a lot of advice, but I do want to mention that 10-11 is around the time that hormones come into play – for both boys and girls. So, while you’re dealing with the disrespect, do be sensitive to the fact that her body is changing and her emotions are probably very difficult for her right now.
I don’t have daughters that age, but my son went through similar things around age 10.
I was just thinking about posting about this last week with my ten year old daughter. I’m try to balance between being understanding of body changes and also defining what disrespect looks like in our home and it isn’t okay. I have Explained that I want to know her feelings, but we still have to try to do things that seem hard. Often, the attitude we are seeing is around school work that seems difficult. We have taken a break from school for a few days and things have been better. I am hoping that was just what we needed, a break. We’ve also been trying to connect through things not officially homeschool related, like playing games, art projects, shopping together to build our positive connections. I also notice my daughter gets very emotional about not doing something well. We are trying to teach her how to fail, it’s okay to not be perfect by sharing some examples from our life. I’m reading a great book called, “all you need to know about raising girls” by melissa trevathan and sissy goff. Reading this has helped me see some of the positives about the stage she is in now, which they call the adventurous years. I’ve also noticed she seems to push me away some during the day, but she always wants me close at night, which is difficult for me because I’m exhausted and just want to be done. I’m going to make more of an effort to connect with her during the evening. I’m trying to focus on the parts of this age that are wonderful. Hope some of this helps.
Here is a nice blog post by author Sally Clarkson, mother to four, about the importance of a bedtime routine, especially as they reach teen years. I am trying to impove on this by reading aloud a story at bedtime exclusively with my 11 yo that is more for his age and up, and not the younger.
http://sallyclarkson.com/closing-each-day-with-a-blessing-the-intentional-routine-that-opens-hearts/
There is also a good chapter on the topic of the importance of childhood bedtime, at the end of Hints on Child-Training by Trumbull.
I have been trying to get in a better routine at night and spending more time with each one of them, being available more if they want to talk. I am seeing that this time is not only for their sake, but for mine too.
Paul Tripp has a great book for parents regarding teens called Age of Opportunity…here is the link.
http://www.paultripp.com/age-of-opportunity
It’s definitely the age and the hormonal changes that go along with it. I can empathize. I know that I often sound rude when I don’t mean to at certain times of the month. I’ve found it’s best to approach my daughter thinking the best of her-that she is not meaning to sound rude, rather than that she is being rude on purpose. We’ve had many discussions about the fact that we have to try even harder to be kind when we are feeling irritable, because if we don’t, we will end up sounding just like we are feeling-irritable. I’ve also sympathized with my daughter and shared how I struggle with irritability as well. It’s a hard age but the Lord uses it to help us all grow in grace.
I second the recommendation for Age of Opportunity. I’ve read it several times through the years. The thread about parenting with tact has some great suggestions as well.
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