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Crying/Whining/Screaming Girl?
- This topic has 11 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 10 months ago by
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Ok.. I say girl and some are saying my boys do this too. I have 5 boys and haven’t had this before. My lovely little girl is a screamer, sometimes for real reasons other times I know she just makes this sound to gain?? Cause she doesn’t get it from me.
How do you teach to stop this? Spanking seems like I would just get more tears, doing “shhhh” does nothing and I need more results. She makes it almost through church and then she’ll just let out this scream like she’s being hurt. But it’s all fake. She screams at her brothers if she’s not getting her way, etc.
Help she’s driving me crazy! Misty
How old is your girl?
Hopefully, this is just a season in this child’s life (and yours). In all likelihood, once you make it through a time period of habit training with her on this, you’ll feel quite relieved.
I was just about to post this same question. My 18 month old is a screamer and it drives me crazy. She has no words at the moment so she screams for everything. I have told her if she is screaming for food or dink “no, ask nicely” and she will point and babble and I reply “good asking nicely” and hand her what she asks for, but it hasn’t sunk in. She screams when she is tired and we are out and I can’t put her down. I have tried to get her to nap in my arms but it doesn’t work. And of corse she screams when she doesn’t get her way. I spank and correct her since she is old enough to through a tantrum, but as Misty said it only gets more screams.
I have even tried googleing to see how to stop the screaming but it was either wait until they grow out of it or talk and reason with them. She needs to learn this is not acceptable behavior so the waiting until she has words or grows out of it is not and option, nor the other since she is to young to be reasoned with.
I hope someone will be able to offer advise as I have the same need of it as she does. TIA
Ruth
For young children it is easily caused if they cannot speak well enough to communicate. Sign language can make a big difference. I had one nonverbal child who tantrumed in frustration and itgot so much better when he could sign. Also as they grow it helps to teach that screaming to get something never works. Consistency and a safe quiet place for them to be until they calm down. And lots of prayer on mommys part for a meek and quiet spirit.
I just remembered what it was I wanted to mention. I never did this when mine were very young (didn’t really know about it), but if your child is small enough, I have been told that wearing the baby is very helpful and cuts down on crying when they are tired. She might be better able to nap this way than simply in your arms.
I knew a wonderful woman from Kenya who had moved to the United States and married an American man. She worked with a child missions group and held a “Backyard Bible Club” in our yard one summer. I recall her using a very large scarf to secure her then two-year old boy on her back, and he was so quiet the entire time, even napping a little. She told me that this is almost universal among the women where she was raised.
Perhaps someone here who has experience with “baby wearing” and such could share their thoughts.
Sue
My daughter just turned 2!
We do sign language and she knows how to use it but just doesnt. And I am not a believer in “it’s a phase”. I just can’t pin how to train for it without making it worse.
I guess my question is when she screams and I jump over to her how do I handle it and how do I teach her “stop screaming”. Just like my 4 year old son knows when I say “stop” and he’s crying he is to stop now. Thanks
We used sign language and LOVED it! We used it a little with the boys, but a ton with the girls. They’re both from China and had a hurdle to learn English. Shaoey also had a cleft lip/palate. I don’t think we would have survived without it. Grace is 4 but her language is still a bit rough (been home with us 2 years) and many times it’s the sign I understand before the word… We used Baby Signing Times and it was fun and effective! I highly recommend that series.
I think giving a means of communicating and setting boundaries. Some great suggestions here–love baby wearing, habit training…all great.
I have a screamer too an it is slow going but it is working. She’s my whiner too. Sadly her voice is already whiny and then when she does really whine, I’ve already had enough. LOL So we’re right there with you. Our girl can set off the glass breakage alarm on our house….
Misty,
I’ve posted on here before about our use of vinegar for mouth offenses. A two-year-old isn’t too young to have a drop of vinegar on her tongue, IMO. I also don’t think she’s too young to make the connection of the consequence to the behavior, if the consequence is carried out immediately.
We never used sign language with our children, and we never experienced many tantrums. In fact, I’ve never had a child throw a fit in the floor or in the middle of a store. Anytime a fit was about to come on, I would tell the child to calm down and use their words. If the fit did proceed, I took him/her, put him/her in bed, and allowed them to scream until they were finished. (This was before I thought about using vinegar. I would have if the idea had occurred to me.)
I think screaming/fits happen for a couple of reasons: to get attention or to express frustration. If attention is being given positively at other times, there should be no reason for her to want or need attention by throwing a fit. If she’s frustrated, helping her use her words (or sign language) would be appropriate.
I know you just had another baby. Was your dd screaming before the baby? This could be a cry for attention and because she’s not the baby anymore and she doesn’t like the competition. Giving her some one-on-one time every day may help the bad behavior. And don’t feel guilty if you’re not giving her the attention she’s used to. That’s what happens when a new baby arrives. Older siblings have to learn to share mommy, and that’s ok for a time.
Hope you have a better day,
Lindsey
Our girls did this. What I did was to put my hand over their mouth right away and tell them they needed to be quiet. If they did it again I took them out of church and made them sit on my lap in another room till they were ready to go back.
The handful of times my son tried a tantrum when he was little, I calmly picked him up, said something like “no screaming” and set him on his bed and walked out. I said I will get him when he stopped. He got the point after 2-3 x.
If I was in a church situation, I would put my hand over the mouth and take her to another room, set her facing the corner, step away a few steps and turn my back on her (or stand sideways so I can see her, but she can’t see me looking at her-she needs no positive attention in this) and say again “no screaming”. When you hear her settling down, that’s when you talk to her and talk highly of being calm. Try to get to her before she comes to you.
When my son tried 1x to scream in a store, I immediately took him out, , told him no screaming, strapped him in the car seat, rolled down the window and stood with my back to him (leaning against the car) until he stopped. Then I walked in the store. It didn’t happen anymore.
You’re correct that a spanking doesn’t work in this situation and there is no such thing as reasoning with a 2 yr. old.
HTH, Rachel
If it is not an angry scream I would blow in the child’s face, just like you do in the pool to get them to hold their breath. This will catch them off guard and stop the screaming, a moment, so they can hear you. You might have to do it a few times. I would say, “Do not scream, tell me or show me what you want.” I would then teach them to take deep breaths to calm them self down. Saying “Take a deep breath, in through the nose out through your mouth.” Then demonstrate to them how to do it.
If I am at home and it is an angry scream that won’t stop, I use the corner as much as possible for this age. I do spank sometimes, just rarely. The key to the corner is doing it right. I tell the child they are going to have to sit in the corner because they are throwing a fit, won’t obey, ect…I place the child in the corner and tell them they have to stay there until they are ready to be nice, listen, stop screaming, ect…Now for this age the corner should be an area that is really dull. The end of a hall with all the doors closed works great. When I first started instituting the corner they tried to escape from it many times. I simply pick them up and put them back, NEVER holding them down in the corner. They get right back up over and over again. Now I have some work to do. I DO NOT
SPEAK, and DO NOT GIVE EYE CONTACT! I just pick up and put back until they stay put. I leave them there until they have calmed down. Then I go talk to them and ask them why they are in the corner. They need to say sorry to mommy. Then comes hugs,kisses, and we move on.
My 4 yr. old will go to the corner when I tell him to; even if he is throwing a tantrum along the way. He will stay there until I tell him he can get out. He is rarely sent to the corner anymore though. The threat of it is usually enough. People are always amazed at how well he listens. With my older dc I now use more natural consequences, than the corner. However, it works great for young ones.
At a friends house I do the same thing.
At the store I used to leave my cart and take him to the van, buckle him in the car seat, close the door, and walk to the back of the van (where I can see him but he can’t see me). When I think he has calmed down I go ask him if he is ready to be nice. If I get a bad response, I close the door, and wait some more. A good response with an apology gets hugs, kisses, ect…
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