Could really use some input please :(

I’m wondering if anyone would be willing to share insight/input/experience on this topic. I am very torn on what direction to go.

I have two children three years apart – however our youngest is on the autism spectrum. So, while she is very smart when it comes to very concrete, literal things like numbers and letters, other things like social studies/science etc… are hard for her to grasp, things that aren’t concrete, ideas, abstract etc… She is socially/emotionally delayed roughly 2 years, so again, while she knows her letters & sounds/numbers/life skills etc… on par with a 5 year old, emotionally/socially she is more like a 3 year old.  Technically she’s still 4, Pre-K, but turns 5 in a few weeks. She was in ABA therapy 4 hours a day until just a few weeks ago. So… we’re at a cross-roads in our homeschool, because she wants to join in, and I’m struggling on knowing how to meet the needs of both.

I am really a mix in how I see our homeschool. So much of Waldorf education appeals to me, and I think Oak Meadow would honestly be a 100% fit for our son. And yet, in no way do I see it working for my daughter – it is far too abstract, relies too heavily on long stories, drawing, writing etc… She struggles with all of those still  – she does not have the attention for stories (she needs a very low word to picture ratio, a few sentences per page), while she enjoys coloring, she does NOT like drawing, and struggles with it (it’s a fine motor struggle, one that can really upset her), and she’s still learning to print her letters.

My son (7 going on 8, grade 2) on the other hand LOVES to draw and read. He is very artistic. He’s a very strong reader, okay with math.  Honestly, we’ve tried many things over the past few years, finished few of them. We’ve just done a little of this and that, whatever worked at the time of life we were in.  We’ve been very loose and eclectic, almost unschooling by times. Life has been hectic with our daughter because of being on the spectrum, but she’s also I guess what you could say medically complex. Nothing major, but enough to keep us often running to doctors etc…  Plus our son has his own issues and is under the care of an OT.

The one thing we’ve been consistent with curriculum wise is Ray’s Arithmetic, we love it! For science we’ve basically just been doing living books and narrations, following his interests. We haven’t really done any social studies other than loose discussions on things that interest him, some loose map work learning continents and oceans, the provinces of our country etc… Music we just listen to music all the time, play when we want, we have recorders etc… Art, we’ve mostly just focused on drawing, painting (we’ve dabbled in wet on wet watercolor) etc… We visit the art gallery etc…

So that’s where I’m coming from. What I need to figure out is where we’re going, lol. I’m just going to list the areas I’m debating on. However, my main concern is:

1. I’m torn on what I should be attempting with my daughter. I do believe in Waldorf philosophy in that just because a child is capable of memorizing math facts and times tables, doesn’t mean it’s emotionally/developmentally appropriate for them to be doing so. From what I’ve seen Charlotte Mason also felt this way? Since our daughter is emotionally/socially delayed, I’m really not sure what’s appropriate. Part of me feels like rather than focusing on academics, we should be spending this time focusing on social skills and emotional development. So, how do I balance that with her desire to “do school” like her big brother?

2. When it comes to choosing a curriculum for her brother, how much should I be taking in our daughter into consideration? Should I even remotely worry about trying to find something that I can include her in (with regards to social studies and science)? Or just focus on his needs?

Have any of you had to let go of your desire to teach your children together, and just accept that they will have to have their own programs each?