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convincing a VERY strong willed child to cooperate and respond to direction/instructions
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Hi Sisters,
I haven’t read Rails/Baby Rails yet (they’re on the way). My almost 7 year old son is a very strong willed child. I do have some questions about how you deal with your “strong willed children” (SWC)… I don’t like threats or coersion but frankly it seems like the only motivaters. Nicely worded “when/then” statements eg: when you are finished getting dressed then you can play outside- don’t seem to work. He’ll just mess around in his room and decide he doesn’t want to play outside anyways. Assisting him by opening drawers etc to encourage often get met with more stauling or resistance. He’s completely able- but if he hasn’t bought in to the the timing or reason- it’s insane. Statements like: “you need to be dressed in 3 minutes or no screen time this morning” seem to be what gets him moving. I hate that. I hate threats, I hate coersion. I want cooperation.
Your experiences, thoughts or ideas? How do I get this kid to buy in?
In my experience with two boys that are strong willed is that the more ‘authority’ I am willing to take as a parent in my voice tone & consequences if necessary the more respect I earn and the more loving and cooperative they are. The Bible gives us authority as parents and they don’t back down until they know who is in charge – which is the question strong willed kids ask.
Consequences that come swiftly to a lack of response or defiance seem to work best. No warning, no threats.
I was a complainant child so this has been my challenge road.
If you google Raising Godly Tomatoes by Elizabeth Krueger wrote a wonderful book that is very helpful that she sells on her website. She is a homeschooling mom who has raised 9, many of them now adults.
I hope this helps. My oldest is 10. It is possible to bring them into cooperation, but it takes hard work on the part of the parent and diligence.
I personaly don’t think saying “if you do not do as I ask then there will be consiquences” is threatening or as coersion. I agree that you as the parent are given authority over your child, and must exhibit that or your dc will have no respect for any authority. The consiquences I use are corner time for the little ones and pushups for my son (8). I also agree with the RGT suggestion as she has some great “in the trenches” experiance and advice. Since I use the corner instead of spankings I use SuperNanny techniques to enforce the consequences. Once your children see you as the authoritative parent that God gave them, then they will cooperate nicely to requests.
I am so glad your Rails books are on the way. I have just started with the habit of Obedience, and LDtR has been a huge help to me. I would recommend studying the Obedience section, yes studying it for yourself. Half of obedience is the parent’s doing, as the other ladies have suggested. There is also a chapter at the back on dawdling which I am finding helpful.
The Obedience section has encouraged me to appeal to my DS’s sense of right (do not do this because I said, but because it is right), and his desire to do what is noble. Perhaps that will make more sense when you read the whole section.
We started Obedience September 1st, and I am really spending time understanding Charlotte’s writings on the subject, and doing my part to carryout the authority vested in me. I have already noticed a difference in my son (4yo), and in myself, and look forward to where we will be after concentrated attention to this habit! Be encouraged!! Habits take time, especially when we are correcting poor habits, but the changes will come!
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