consequence for not paying attention

That can be frustrating for everyone involved! A question first: When you give her an instruction like this do you stop her, get her eyes on you, say your instruction in as few words as possible (so she doesn’t get lost in the description), and have her repeat it back to you? That is where I would begin. If she can repeat it back you know she heard you. Then you move on to providing a help or a consequence. A help could be having her repeat what you said to do over and over as she goes and does it. Or writing it down for her to carry along. A consequence if she fails to follow the instruction could be loss of a privelage, loss of an item, charging her an extra chore, requiring her to follow the instruction with you overseeing her three times in a row (practice), etc.

Also, consider just how often you are asking her to do things. It can easily become our habit to rely on one child to do things for us that could either be done by another child just as well (meaning we don’t need to pile all the small tasks on the one child we tend to rely on) or it could/should be done by you (because while we can ask our kids to do things it can also become too easy to fall into the habit of laziness on our part and making them fetch and carry and do for us what we should be doing ourselves).

Please don’t feel remotely offended by those thoughts! I have found myself falling into BOTH of them at various time. It’s so easy to let our own selves fall into poor habits. I may ask one child to help me more often than the rest because they are more compliant/quiet about just doing it, or they are older, or they are hanging around me more. I may ask a child to go and grab/do something that really I can and should do myself but am being lazy about doing.

Balance is hard to find!

One thing I’ve done over the years for my 4 children (16, 11, 11, 8) are to practice those listening exercises.  Especially if the child has ability to listen closely.  Through mental math ,oral narrations, and read alouds my children have become better listeners.  They also are rewarded by being  able to read aloud to the group, give a mental math problem and write down others oral narrations. Then etify, etify, etify.

I also reward them with “playing” during my read alouds.  They are allowed to construct legoes, play playdough and clay, string beads, knit and crochet , sketch and paint during my reading.  They know that this is a privilege and if they don’t  listen well, encourage others and have a joyful spirit about school, then they have to sit quietly and listen for the rest of the day with no play.  Believe me, they  correct themselves and oftentimes quickly apologize.

If a child is being slovenly in their work.  They get a talk. Especially this is true if you know their capability.  I explain in our school, mother expects obedience, respect and accuracy.  Then I sometimes use that child for the day (week) to hand out oral instructions to the group. Usually, they like this position and don’t see it as negative punishment, but rather as I need you.   Like, can you make sure that Tom knows we are leaving in 5 minutes.  Make sure you look him in the eyes and get his response.

Usually, when I’m driving I remember to praise my children for things that happened smoothly and what things we would work on.

I also do this because I think the child suffering from listening trouble responds well when they are given more responsibility and more one on one attention.

I also, think a child gets tired of certain “little”errands and they will have to still do them, but I challenge them with new hard jobs like my 8yo son cooks 8 scrambled eggs with toast while I’m in the kitchen attending to something else.  He loves the challenge and I think it keeps them looking for more.   I often follow up with, boy I really depend on you , just as you depend on me.

With building these habits over the years, on outings our 16 yo son is in charge of the errand cash in his wallet, makes sure the oil in the car is full, car keys, gas good, warmed up vehicle with any childseats in.  He’s in charge of getting the library bag in the car, list of all our stops and helping the youngers fill waterbottles and clean up messes in the car if they are left behind by the previous trip.  The 11 yo girls and 8 yo son helps me get coats on, diaper bags out the door and each of my children is incharge of a specific child for the day.

I can’t tell you how enjoyable our house is with everyone sharing and working together.  We have a babysitting mission, since  childcare in our rural area is little to none we started a small childcare.   They are all part time and  when we have 4 extra children here, with our system in place you wouldn’t know there are 9 of us in the same house.  Much of our earnings go to my children, since they are such fine mentors to our dear little friends!  This had afforded us to take a coast to coast 28 day trip with my mother and sister in 2016.  With God all things are possible!

Don’t get me wrong, we have our share of down days, but mostly, we are in our little slice of paradise!

My children know well , “When I can trust you in the little things, I can then trust you in the things much bigger.  Just like the apostles heard from Jesus.

I’m rambling,  but I hope you understand the point I’m trying to make,  Martha