Name: ICHE Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-06-05T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-06-07T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Bourbonnais, IL

Tagged: Christmas gift giving

This topic has 16 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 14 years, 6 months ago by Sara B..

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October 21, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Kelly Bond
Participant
It’s that time of year again when I begin to be very distressed about Christmas gift giving. I’m not looking for gift ideas, rather some help/support/advice from anyone who has successfully reduced their gift giving to extended family and has lived to tell! 🙂 Ha, just kidding. But really, my situation is this. My ideas about gift giving continue to evolve and change. I am far more interested in charitable gift giving at Christmas than fulfilling Christmas wishes for extended family members. I’d like to be able to just give small token gifts to show my love for them! But I’ve already received a list of wishes of some nieces and what do you do with that? When you’re told what someone wants, that to me implies what they wouldn’t want. If I go against the grain (mostly with hubby’s family…that is the most complicated when it comes to this topic), there is great risk of hurt feelings, awkwardness, and the like. A conversation among the adult siblings took place a few years ago on this topic and, truth be told, it was really bad.
Ultimately, I guess my question is this. How do I remain charitable, true to what is deeply important to me, and respectful to hubby’s family all at the same time? Knowing that one road will cost me more money and leave me feeling empty but will allow me to fit in, and the other will give me peace but possibly cause awkwardness. I am solely responsible for all the gift giving…it is too much for hubby to take.
Thanks for any thoughts you may have!
October 21, 2010 at 6:29 pm
HeidiS
Participant
My thoughts on this have followed yours for several years and last year the economy really helped us tighten our belts. The interesting thing was with the kids in my and my sisters families. I was expecting a reaction like what you described with yours, on their opening of gifts from their aunt( she was always the one who scored with ‘cool gifts’) anyhow, she went with the personalized approach and all the kids loved it! From age 10 up to 25, she made them all the same things, and the response was very interesting. At first, a few just said, thanks Auntie, and went on, but you know what? Those gifts are the ones they have used over and over and returned to again and again. Don’t be too worried, just pray that God will help you decide, then step out:)
btw, what she did was get big glass mugs, from the dollar store I think, then she got etching paste and vinyl abc stickers, put their names on the mugs with the stickers, frosted them with the etching paste then removed the stickers so their names were on the glass. Then she stuffed them with favorite treats she knew the kids loved, very inexpensive and very cool. I know there are lots of ideas like that out there, if you have time. I love the scrapbook page idea, then mounted on a frame, but whatever you choose, I pray the spirit of Christmas surrounds you and you feel His peace!
Heidi
October 21, 2010 at 6:52 pm
quietwatersmommy
Member
We stopped giving Christmas (and birthday) gifts to extended family years ago. We just couldn’t afford it and it was getting out of control with the family (ours and others) growing. What we do instead is the Giving Tree that they put up in the library. Each of my children picks out a tag with a wish for someone who is near their age, and we buy those items.
Not everyone will be happy…I got alot of talk behind my back from my family, which I found out about later, but my husband’s family was okay with it (and relieved, too!)
I, like you, was tired of starting to stress about it around October…it ruins the whole meaning of the WHY you are doing it.
For grandparents, when we had a little extra money, we’ve done World Vision gifts, like giving goats or sheep in their name to people who really need them.
Stand firm and follow what you KNOW is best for your family at the Lord’s leading. We’ve watched family members spend and spend at Christmas only to not be able to pay the bills when they came in January. One of my dh’s siblings actually lost their house last year due to out of control spending.
You may be on the hotseat for awhile, but they will get over it. Or you may be pleasantly surprised that they are relieved!
Nanci
October 21, 2010 at 6:54 pm
LindseyD
Participant
blkteri14,
Please know that you are not alone! This time of year is difficult for many people, for the very reasons you stated. It used to be such a stressful time of year for my husband and me too. Trying to give everyone what they want, spend about the same amount on everyone, plus find gifts for your own kids is not an easy thing to do. It shows what a good and giving heart you have.
About four years ago, my husband was in Bible college. We had very little money, lived six hours away from our families, and there was no way we could afford to buy for our sisters, brothers, in-laws, parents, and all the nieces and nephews, plus our own kids. It just wasn’t going to happen! That Christmas, without anyone expecting it, we withdrew our names from our yearly name-drawing for gift-giving. It was embarrassing for sure, and we felt bad that our nieces and nephews, who always loved our gifts from years past, might not understand. But, you do what you have to do, and our family’s financial security had to take precedence over gifts for family members we only saw four or five times a year. I guess we started a trend, because the yearly name-drawing doesn’t even occur anymore. All my husbands siblings buy for the nieces and nephews, including my kids, but we still don’t buy any type of gift for anyone, other than our own children. Even what we give our children is so small in comparison to what we used to afford, about three gifts per child.
Just this last week, our children stayed the weekend with my in-laws. My mother-in-law took them to Walmart one day for the sole purpose of walking down the toy aisles and allowing them to point at what they wanted. She even encouraged my older child to make a wish list, despite the fact that I e-mailed her a list of good, CM-friendly, simple Christmas ideas back in September! When my children told me about their shopping trip, I very calmly explained to them that Christmas is not about what we want or wish for. It’s about Jesus, and because of what He gave us, we must be giving to others. Christmas is a great time to learn about and be generous.
I can’t allow others’ expectations of me to govern what I know in my heart is best, not only for the checkbook, but also for the morals and principles of my family. It is not my objective to please others while compromising my beliefs or my finances. Thankfully, our family understands our decision, and they have been very gracious toward us.
The reason we celebrate Christmas to begin with is not for the gifts, the food, or even because it’s Jesus’ birthday. Those things are great, and make great memories; but the ultimate reason we celebrate Christmas is because of LOVE. God’s love for us, our love for Him, our love for our family and friends…LOVE is what Christmas is all about.
Here is a verse that I have always fall back on when it comes to matters like this. It’s from the Amplified Bible, which I like because of the deep explanation within the verse. Colossians 3:15, “And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].”
If fulfilling a wish list for every member of your family and stretching your budget to do so doesn’t give you peace, then don’t do it! Your family shouldn’t question your love for them just because you aren’t able or don’t agree with showing up on Christmas morning with a car-full of presents! In my opinion, that shows shallowness on their part for appreciating the gift more than the giver.
Another verse that I have fallen back on time and time again (and it’s especially a good word for all of us people-pleasers): Galatians 1:10, “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ” (NKJV).
I cannot please both God and man (family, kids, in-laws) all the time. It is my ultimate responsibility to please my Father, and that often calls me to go against the grain of others’ expectations of me.
If, in an attitude of love and humility, you AND your husband have graciously explained to his family your beliefs, then that is all that is required of you. Not buying gifts is not disrespectful. You can give other, less tangible, gifts to your family that will mean far more to them than the latest technological toy or Barbie doll. The gift of spending time together and making memories will last them a lot longer than the “stuff” that eventually wears out, breaks, or gets thrown in next year’s garage sale pile.
I hope you will allow the Prince of Peace to be in the umpire of your heart,
Lindsey
October 21, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Sara B.
Participant
Wow, I’ve been thinking a lot about this, too, lately. I hate stupid gifts that no one really, truly wants, and that don’t teach you anything. So I am going to be very specific to my family and hubby’s family this year with the Christmas list. Get them something for school (books I specify) or something they can learn with, or make a donation to our fund for building them a swingset/playhouse this summer (we’ll be making one by hand). As for what to give to everyone else, my dh and I need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about this. We are both feeling the same way, it’s been growing on us for a few years, and we need to figure out what we need to do, family differences aside. There is no money for “cool” gifts for the nieces and nephews, even if we only do it for our sponsor children. We have too much to save up for and to buy for our own family, let alone everyone else. So thanks for the nudge to get talking. It is approaching fast!
October 21, 2010 at 9:06 pm
thehauserfamily
Member
What others said. We are super modest. Each of our children gets 1 gift from us. Nothing too pricey, they cannot ask for anything specific but we don’t get them pajamas or anything. Just something we know they will love and play with until next Christmas.
Each grandparent gets 1 homemade gift. The rest of the family gets a Christmas card (Christian card) with a picture of us in it. This is quite expensive to do and I think it is more than enough.
The Grandmas this year are getting pillows made from this idea http://weefolkart.com/content/harvest-quilt. Each child (minus the under 1’s) will make a block for each Grandma. I will sew they will stuff.
The Grandpas are getting Fleur de Sel Caramels(because I need a reason to make them), Caramel Pecan Turtles (kids can do), chocolate covered pretzels (kids can do) and maybe another thing if the kiddos are up for it.
They will all be wrapped with the apple bags we made. We went to the apple orchard and got a few smaller apples that we could use for art and there is the packaging.
We never ask for gifts from others. When they ask what we want we say that we are fine knowing they love us and maybe for a phone call sometime. Of course Grandparents always ask for a list regardless. I give each set 1 thing for each child on it with a reminder that they do not need anything.
October 22, 2010 at 12:06 pm
alice
Participant
Hi,
I wanted to throw in my 2 cents! My husband and I have a total of 13 nieces and nephews (9 of them on my side) so what was decided several years ago was that each child’s name goes in a hat and each child chooses a name. So, since we have 3 children, we buy for 3 nieces or nephews. In other words, each one of my children gives a gift to one of their cousins. Each family only gives the number of gifts as they have children. Does that make sense? Actually, we do it with each side of our family, so we end up with 6 gifts total. We do not buy gifts at all for our siblings, and I try to give baked goods to my parents and inlaws.
One point I’d like to make, though. Obviously, if you can’t afford to buy gifts, that’s one thing, but what I hear alot during the holidays makes it sound like it’s “bad” to buy gifts for others. Is anyone familiar with The Five Love Languages book? Well, with some people, gift giving is a way of showing love. For me it is. I love to give to those I love..it is an expression of love. Do I want my children to be greedy and materialistic? No, of course not. I just wanted to say that gift giving is a valid way of showing love and being generous. And if someone is to be generous…well, someone has to be on the recieving end of it! 🙂 I just wanted to mention that. Of all the “Love Languages”…(Words of Encouragement, Gift Giving, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch) gifts is the one area that tends to be singled out and labeled as “bad”, especially as Christmas draws near. I apologize to those who don’t know what I’m talking about..lol! I just had to share that. I hope no one takes offense in what I’ve written, for none was intended!
I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s ideas!!

October 22, 2010 at 12:29 pm
RobinP
Participant
I oculd have written your post. I have no answers, unfortunately. When I broached this subject years ago, my mil responded angrily, “But I LIKE getting lots of presents!!!!” So we continue to spend money we don’t have for things we don’t need. Dh is not willing to rock to boat with his family. We live in the same town and it’s just “easier” to go along. sigh…
October 22, 2010 at 12:33 pm
alice
Participant
I’ve been on a search for inexpensive gift ideas and one thing I’m going to do is make some coasters. I found square tile sfor .12 each, and then I will stamp a pretty design on it (borrowing stamps and ink from a friend) and then spraying it with a finish to seal it. A great gift for mere pennies!
October 22, 2010 at 12:41 pm
2flowerboys
Participant
That is a great point Alice! I love the Five Love Languages! I love giving too! It has nothing to do with money. We have battled Christmas with the family for years! For a while we had asked no gift exchange. That was not followed. And somehow they made us feel like we were weirdos. We wanted to concentrate on Christ’s birth instead of gifts. Since we were so called “defeated” we decided to get one special gift for grandarents, moms and dads, and brother etc… This was only a gift that we found to be extra special for that person…usually it is a Christ centered one. Whether it is a Chritstian DVD that has touched us in someway, a Christian book, a Christian shirt, etc…. this is an expression of our love but also encourages our family members to walk in the faith. If we cannot find a gift, we just don’t give one!
It is not necessarily what we have wanted to do…being instead we want it to be a time of celebrating Christ’s birth and enjoying family..period! So we compromised and decided to focus on each person and get a special Christian gift. We usually spend between $5-$20. And sometimes the gift is homemade. I made my sister in-law a picture to hang. I had an old Bible verse calendar. Picked out a beautiful pic of a winter cardinal. Went to the store got a mat and frame to fit, and created a picture for hardly any money! It looked great–and my sister in-law loves birds!
Christmas always brings a lot of negative feelings to our household. My husband’s parents are divorced..so he always feels torn. And my parents have passed away along with my extended family have distant themselves from me. Then we always think of gifts and wished we would focus on the true meaning. Although, Christmas has some pagan roots. I would love to celebrate the Jewish traditions!
Another note is that for our kids, we make their birthdays special…that is when we give them lots of gifts. This is to take the focus on Christimas gifts away. And of course, no Santa Claus.

October 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Kelly Bond
Participant
Thank you all SO much for sharing your hearts and stories with me. It is clear…there is no easy answer! My love for gift-giving has dwindled through the years as the people we exchange with have become more specific in their wants. That, to me, takes the fun and creativity out of gift-giving, not to mention I believe it also takes the focus off of Jesus. It’s no longer about giving a piece of myself to others as an act of love, it becomes simply fulfilling wants. I totally agree that gift-giving at its best is an act of love but I think, at least in my situation, we’ve strayed far from that.
I will post again with what we decide to do. Thanks again and if you have more ideas/thoughts, keep them coming! 🙂
October 22, 2010 at 3:19 pm
missingtheshire
Member
We also stopped doing extended family gifts when the girls were born. It became too expensive and too stressful. We continued to give gifts to parents – the girls grandparents, but explained to everyone else, that though we loved them dearly we could not afford to do the gift thing any longer. They all understood and I think some were relieved not to have to get us anything. One relative was upset, but we stuck to our guns and just exchanged cards, they came around and it worked out OK. In this day and age when money is tight for most people, I think it is wise to limit gifts and be good stewards of our money. Maybe hand made gifts if you really feel the need, but I think it should be perfectly acceptable to give it up all together. I perfer to keep Christ in Christmas and not buy into all the commercial nonsense that goes on – I like to decorate our home with our nativities and heirloom ornaments from Germany – but we limit our own gifts to each other and then only give 3 gifts to the girls, to signify the 3 Wise Men. We have deliberately never made it a gift fest, because we always knew there would be years when money would not be plentiful, and then there can be disappointment. We like to bake and give gifts of cookies and breads – but other than that no gifts to anyone except our charities of choice and our own immediate family – all grandparents are now no longer with us, so it is just us. The true meaning of the Christmas season is almost gone in the commercial world we now live in – I think and hope that most people would understand if we wished to curtail our spending, and focus more on the real reason – Jesus. I think some would be quietly relieved. It is a shame that when this time of year rolls around, there is so much stress and it becomes a frenetic grab fest – sad really. I don’t suppose that helps much, but it is just my opinion. I understand your worries about your husband’s family and the issues it could cause, but I think a lot of the problems in the world today are caused by trying to fit in and sacrificing our own values. What does your husband think?
October 22, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Bookworm
Participant
We’ve kind of been struggling with this this year, too. We feel like there’s an expectation that since my dh is a professional, we are sitting pretty and should have plenty of $$–but it’s not nearly that simple. We are very pinched this year, and I confessed this to my mom recently on a phone call. She SAID to not worry about it, they just want to see and spend time with us–and then the next day I got an email from my sister wanting definite shopping lists for everyone, preferences and sizes included, and I’m just afraid I’m going to show up with cookies and token gifts, and they are going to send us back home with a packed minivan. Which will make me very uncomfortable. Sigh. It seems it was easier when we were young and starting out and everyone expected us to be poor, lol. Now we’re middle-aged and “should” have portfolios and we get puzzled looks that we don’t. 🙂
October 22, 2010 at 9:32 pm
quietwatersmommy
Member
Bookworm- I know exactly what you mean. My dh is a college professor, but his sister who is a ps teacher actually makes way more money than he does! And of course we are on one salary and have 6 children, so money has always been tight…we have lived with only one vehicle for the last 12 years.
So that adds another layer with the “expectations” people have towards us. They think we have more and that we “should” spend it on gifts.

Nanci
October 22, 2010 at 9:59 pm
pangit
Participant
I understand trying to figure out how to manage the holidays. We too are on a very tight budget.
If you want to continue to give a gift, then you could consider 2nd hand. There are many resale shops and you could probably even look through the house and see things you don’t use anymore than someone might enjoy.
I realize not all families would think much of a 2nd hand gift. Thankful my family is cool with it. My girls often get toys for Christmas from their cousins that their cousins don’t play with anymore. And we have passed some of our toys their way for Christmas.
I’m not sure what we are going to do this year. I want my girls to experience the joys of giving, but I am also not sure how we will even afford getting a gift for them. I guess it is a good time for me to take a look around our house to see what we aren’t using . . .
Just an idea. Hope it is helpful.