Name: Spreading the Feast Gathering
Start: 2025-07-11T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-07-12T23:59:59-05:00
Location: LaGrange, KY

Tagged: allowance, chores, Responsibility

This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 6 months ago by cdm2kk.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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November 18, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Kelly Bond
Participant
Hi Ladies,
I know there are lots of online resources for chores, including on this forum. First, though, I feel like I need to establish an overriding philosophy for the why of chores before I can set about working out the details.
When I think about chores in the pioneer time, for example, they were tied to survival. You had to chop wood, milk cows, help cook, feed animals, etc. for mere survival; they were not optional chores. For me, when I look at the chores I ask my kids to do – make their beds, set the table, vacuum, sweep, etc. – nothing is done because we will not survive without it. We could skip all of those things for a while and still be okay. Other than cooking on a daily basis, I could skip many of my own chores for the same reasons. I am struggling to make chores relevant in our lives. I am struggling to inspire greater meaning out of what my kids do as contributions to the family. I am struggling how/why to tie money to chores, if at all. I do want to teach money management but is this the best way? We have two boys, 9 and 6.
We give an allowance, $2/week each, with $1/week each going to our church. Our hope has been to give them a little taste of money management, and we have been able to do that. I have, on occasion, taken it away for various reasons, but it has been on my mind to overhaul the whole thing. I just can’t seem to break through as to how.
In the end, we all live comfortable lives. Even if I take their $1 away, big deal. Chores are not tied to our livelihood so there is no internal drive to do them. I have chores I do every day but I am constantly reminding them to do theirs – again, very little internal motivation.
I hope I have said enough that someone may begin to understand where I am going with this. Thank you for reading this!

November 18, 2014 at 11:34 pm
LindseyD
Participant
Well, why do you do your chores everyday?
Because you have motivation to keep a tidy home? Because maybe you enjoy certain chores like cooking or bookkeeping? Because you want your home to be ready should an unexpected guest drop by? Because you understand that sickness and foul odors are less likely in a home that is cleaned regularly? Because, if floors weren’t mopped or if toilets weren’t cleaned, they would not only look gross, but also be sticky and smelly?
Children can learn to enjoy these things too so that they do find motivation to do them on their own one day. Although, I can say that I don’t remember feeling internal motivation to do anything (except organize and clean my own room, which I LOVED) at a young age. I was the child whose parents never had to make clean my room. I delighted in coming home from school each day to a tidy room and closet, and so I kept it how I liked it without reminder, simply because it was something I enjoyed. I think children naturally develop these preferences over time too.
I say “preferences” because your version of clean and mine may very well be quite different. My version of clean now is far different than it was 10 years ago even! I’m much more laid back about things now.
Chores, whether for survival or not, are life’s earliest lessons in work ethic, completing a task well, and helping others. All children should learn these things, and chores are, in my opinion, the first and best way to teach these lessons. I believe this is the “deeper meaning” of chores.
Also, one day children will no longer be children, and they will need to know how to run a home on their own. Even at 9 and 10, I’m reminding my children of that fact. (I’m not going to do xyz for you because you will one day have to do it in your own home, and I won’t be there to do it for you then.)
In our home, chores are not called chores. They are called “responsibilities”. Each family member has responsibilities to keep the home running cleanly, smoothly, and efficiently. It is my responsibility to shop for and prepare our meals; the motivator is that I want to keep my family and myself well-fed and healthy. It is my responsibility to do laundry for my husband and myself; the motivator is that I like wearing clean clothes and so does he. It is my children’s responsibility to do their own laundry. Maybe they don’t care about wearing clean clothing now, but if laundry goes undone, they will eventually run out of clothes–motivation so as not to walk around stinky or naked! It is my children’s responsibility to clean their own room and bathroom. They actually like having a tidy room (maybe they get that from me!).
As long as my children live in our home, there will be certain things they are required to do, whether or not they have the internal motivation to do them. If my children don’t care about having a clean toilet in their bathroom, they will clean it anyway because it is expected of them to do so. One day (and this is true because it has happened with just about every adult I know), they will see the meaning behind cleaning toilets weekly. They may hate it now or not care, but because they live in our home and it is something I care about, it is required, like it or not.
Responsibilities are also an excellent way to teach habits. The habits of orderliness and neatness are well taught with chores, such as organizing a shelf, making one’s bed, or tidying a closet. The habit of perfect execution can be learned as the child gives his best effort to make his bed or wash the dishes. The habit of diligence is learned when we, the parents, teach a child a new skill, such as cleaning the bathroom, and then have them do it week after week, giving their best effort, and improving as time goes by. Children can see their own improvement, trust me.
Money is not associated w/ chores in our home at all. The children do receive a weekly allowance, but not for completing tasks around the house — unless I tell them they can do an extra chore, like cleaning baseboards, for an allotted amount of extra money. Money is simply given as a way to teach financial responsibility. We do not take away allowance as punishment — unless the taking away of money is directly related to the crime, which it has never been before. They have responsibilities in our home, not for pay, but because they live here for free and everything they want or need is provided for them. Making their beds, sweeping the floors, and washing the dishes are just part of being in a family and running a home. And they are learning that it isn’t fair for Mom to do all the work around the house while they’re off playing all day long.
So that is my philosophy. It’s pretty straightforward and no-nonsense, but that’s the kind of person I am.
Blessings,
Lindsey
November 19, 2014 at 12:02 am
Kelly Bond
Participant
Thanks so much for your time, Lindsay. What you say makes a lot of sense. Obviously, I agree that chores (or responsibilites) are part of life. I grew up helping around the house; that was just part of life. We have always talked about how in a family, everyone helps out and that makes things run smoothly. Often if there is a complaint or hesitation to do what has been asked, I will say: “Should I do this, too, then on top of everything else?” The point is made. I, too, have things I like to do – organizing and cooking are favorites for me as well. I know that I cannot allow them to only do what they want – we often talk about obedience, cooperation, etc. It is true that I have one child who is more motivated than the other – my youngest is “allergic” to work. 🙂
Again, I appreciate your taking the time to spell this all out. Nothing you said is a surprise, but I needed to hear it again. It is easy, at least for me, to get off track and forget the whys behind it all.
Thank you again – bless you!

November 19, 2014 at 12:55 am
Tristan
Participant
I have a series of posts about chores on my blog if you want to read it sometime. The landing page for the series is right here.
November 19, 2014 at 4:21 pm
JenniferM
Participant
I second checking out Tristan’s chore series. Thank you for sharing it with all of us, Tristan!
Our approach to “chores” and money is like Lindsey’s. We call chores “duties.”. My kids crack up when I say, “let’s do our duties,” because it just sounds funny! If they can get to work with laughter on their lips, it’s less drudgery.
As far as reminding your children to do their duties, I find that it’s easier for them to do what is expected if it is a regular part of their day. For example, after breakfast, always do xyz, then show Mom. Or after lunch, show Mom you’ve completed xyz, then you can go play. Again, habits are so helpful.
November 19, 2014 at 6:28 pm
cdm2kk
Participant
My kids also have their daily responsibilities that they do because they are part of this family and what they do or don’t do matters to the whole family. This keeps them from getting that dreaded entitiled atttitude. So, before they can call afriend, play a game, watch tv or a movie or anything electronic, go outside, OR anything desirablle for a kid, they must show me that they have completed their responsibilities first. This is to teach them work first play after OR Don’t put off till tomorrow what can be done today kinda thing.
Actual money can be earned if they choose to complete one of the parent’s responsibilities. Amount is negotiable and decided prior to completion. I give 3 values nothing for a job done poorly, 1/4 of the amount for a job done half ^##, the fair amount for work performed based on the child’s efforts needed to complete. This hopefully teaches them that a thing worth doing is worth doing right. My son washed out all the trash cans and he scrubbed them better than I even thought he was capable and he was steady working for at least half an hour. My husband usually does this and told me about $1 as he completes in about 10 minutes. I paid my son $4 because he worked hard to do a good job and he cleaned up after. We had negotiated $2, but I also want to encourage a job welll done with a good positive attitude.
As far as money management….my son had saved $21 and he asked if he could buy tickets from his granny who was sellling raffle tickets for church. It was for charity and so I told him it was his $. He bought the ticket and promptly lost his wallet helping his granny clean up the raffle ticket table. He worked so hard to save and was spending it willingly on charity and then he gets slapped by life….I hate it when life jumps in like this!! It was a very good life lesson though… don’t carry all your money with you and keep track of your stuff at all times, but man this was hard to sit back and watch him learn!!