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Children "babysitting" younger sibblings
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How old were your children when you started leaving them alone for a few hours at a time? How about letting them watch their younger sibblings?
My oldest is turning 12, so in theory he could soon be left alone for short periods of time, even a few hours. I know there are lots of kids in our own neighbourhood who come home to an empty house and stay on thier own until their parents get home from work. I’ve left our son for really short trips to the store, or with his brother while I walk the dog, but I really look forward to the day that I can leave them for a couple hours while dh and I go out for lunch or a movie.
I was babysitting by age 13, and maybe some at 12. IMO, 12 is old leave the child home while you go out on a date, but in actuality, I think it has more to do with the child’s maturity level and what they can handle. You know your child best. If he is responsible and trustworthy I wouldn’t hesitate to go out for the evening.
I leave my 13yo home some for short trips here and there (only if I stay in town, not if I have to go to the next town), and he does well. I do remind him of our rules each time, for my own peace of mind most of all. He’s plenty mature enough for it, but I do not leave my younger children with him. I don’t know why, but I’m not comfortable with that yet. This took much time and prayer to get this far. I started with 10 minutes and gradually made it to an hour, maybe 2 at the most, but I still have my days when I feel uncomfortable about it. When I feel that way I just tell him that this is one of those days so you must come with me, etc. That was the deal to begin with…I told him that parents make decisions but sometimes change their minds for no apparent reason and that when that happens he just has to go with it. I’ve always told him that I may be okay with it “today” but maybe not tomorrow and that parents need time to adjust to their children becoming older, more independent. He seems to understand. When he doesn’t quite understand, I point out the fact that that’s his maturity level shining through and he just smiles like, “I get it.”
That’s my rule, anyway.
And, I’m sure it will all depend on the child and other factors.
We started leaving our 12 and 9 yo’s home this year. My 12yo is a responsible girl, and took the fire dept. babysitting class. I was nervous at first, so started w/very short trips. And besides not answering the phone or door, I had rules to not eat and they had to stay in one room on sofas watching a movie…and answer the phone when I called. I now am very comfortable and do allow them to eat and play:) I actually feel more comfortable when they are home together than when my 12yo is alone…figure if one hurts themselves the other can call. But if I had younger/more kids I’m sure I’d adjust things. It’s an awesome thing to be able to go on a date w/hubby w/o paying megabucks for a sitter:) Gina
MN has a law for it, complete with ages. <rolling eyes> Only found out about it when our neighbor called CPS on us last year. Evidently from ages 9-11, they can be alone for a few hours, but not with younger children, including siblings. 12-14 can watch youngers just for a few hours. 15-16 a few more hours. 17 can watch overnight. Stupidest thing ever…. I know so many parents who leave kids too young alone, plus watching younger siblings. So anyway, I would check your state’s laws on the subject. Don’t want to find out the hard way, kwim?
I watched my 7 siblings from pretty young, but I do it differently with my own kids. The oldest are 12 (just barely) and almost 12, then I have an 8 and 5….all boys. Within the last year I started leaving them for short trips (working up to 2 hours) and only during the day. My husband and I will sometimes run errands in the evening but are back before dark and never more than 2 hours. Before we moved we lived on base housing and had many close family friends right next door so I’d let the olders babysit in the evening or for longer than an hour or two because I knew they could run and get help quickly from “safe” people…in this new neighborhood where I don’t know people well and most are at work during the day, I’m much more hesitant to leave them.
A lot of it depends on where you are, your relationship with your neighbors and your boys. My brother put a log through the front door when he was mad at me, while I was babysitting. There was also a lot of fighting, hitting, cuts and bruises, damage to stuff, etc. Not VIOLENT, mind you, but lots of kids close in age with a young babysitter whom they treated as a sister not authority figure. If you have kids with a relationship like that, you might not want to leave them alone! This may sound awful, but I’ll often rent a movie from Amazon or find something on Netflix or let them play the Wii. When I come back they are still right in front of the TV. We have rules much like Gina – no outside, don’t answer doors, have a phone right next to you (and I ALWAYS have them practice making calls before I leave). The oldest 3 boys have had first aid classes.
And sometimes, like my3boys said, it depends on the day. If they’ve all been bickering and fighting with each other, I just bring them with and explain why.
When my oldest was 12, we had 5 kids in the house. LA was/ is a very responsible young man. He was very much ready to keep an eye on his sisters, other than my youngest whom I would take with me, for fairly short amounts of time – like around a couple of hours. At the time, their ages were 12, 10, 8, 5, & 1. You know your children, though.
My 11 yo, our youngest, is just now being left alone for 15 – 30 minutes at a time. This happened for the first time just last week. She is capable of staying by herself, but sometimes her imagination gets the best of her, so we are starting very small and walking her slowly toward staying by herself. Probably by the time she is 12, we will be comfortable going out to eat at a restaraunt 5 minutes away for an hour or so. If we had younger children, we probably would not leave her alone to babysit just because she’s not ready for that yet — then again, if we had younger children, she might be ready simply because her position in the family might have impacted her various abilities.
I may be the odd one, but I’m thinking 12 is too young to be left a few hours. Maybe 30 minutes, but not a whole morning or afternoon. I think many parents, especially those with many children, do this for convenience and it really isn’t wise.
I’m NOT saying this is what you should do. But IMO, its better to be safe than sorry. Things can happen in a blink of an eye. I allow my olders to watch the younger in a different room or outside, but even then they are only an earshot away if they need me.
I have too many too little right now. 😉 My oldest is 10, followed by 7, 6, 4, 3, 1, and 4 months. Nobody’s old enough to watch themselves or the siblings alone for hours. We’ll get there eventually, but not for a while! I’m in no hurry.
My 13YO son is very responsible and mature. I do allow him to stay home along with his two next younger brothers who are 12 1/2 and 9 (almost 10). This will be for an hour to an hour and a half at most.
He has also babysat his two 6YO siblings for an hour before while DH, myself go out with 12 and 9YO sons and 2YO daughter.
I will not allow him to babysit his youngest sister yet. She is 2, and I just don’t feel like he is ready for that, though he feels he could do it (and I know he would do a good job; I am just not comfortable leaving her with him yet and I don’t think she would be comfortable with it etither).
Our 12YO son is not yet mature enough to be responsible for his younger siblings at home alone, but he does great watching the 3 younger ones for me (6, 6 and 2) out in the yard while I finish dinner or work with one of the other older boys.
My 13YO will be taking the Red Cross Babysitter and CPR courses this summer.
I agree you need to check state laws as ours has one too. You are supposed to be 13 to legally watch younger sibings, and we did follow this b/c we didn’t feel he was ready until 13 anyway.
I should add they are strictly forbidden from going outside when we are not home. Period.
Of course my 9YO funny guy had to ask, “Mom, what if the house is on fire?”
And I told him, “Then, yes, you go outside. But that is the only reason you would go outside if we are not home.”
I do use this sparingly as a). I don’t feel our children are our older son’s responsibility and b). I just don’t think it is wise to do it too often.
We consider our son’s willingness to babysit as part of his paid chores (they get an allowance; some chores are just expected while others they do to work toward their allowance).
My 13 yr old son by himself is fine for a morning, but adding any sibling changes the whole demension of the situation. So maybe if it’s the 13 and 12 yr old boys an hour or 2 at most.. add in anyone else say just the 10yr old and I’d say an hr tops. This is saying around normal day time hours.
now if I have everyone the 3 younger ones (5,3, &1) down for there hour nap I might run to town and get a couple things but this is a rare deal.
I am not a big one on leaving kids home either.. so it is a VERY BIG privilege for my kids to be left home. It’s like a movie to them something that rarely happens.
This comes up though as I have soem friends whos kids are 12ds, 9dd, and 7ds and they will leave them home alone to go have dinner. But they are differnt than my kids. 1st there is only 3 of them, we have 7. Then there is the boy girl age and spacing, mine are 5 boys then 2 girls and all very close in age.
I think every family has to really just look at “each” kid and make that decision based on that child. who can stay home alone, who can be with the other one for periods of time. You get what I am saying.
Because I was an only child and my mom worked weird and long hours I was home alone at all hours from about 9. But I was mature above my years. So I could never compare my kids to me.
This is a tough one and all we can do is trust our gut and when we have peace in our hearts about it then we know it’s the right time! That’s what I think on a lot of issues.
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