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Can we talk about failure?
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It occurred to me this morning that I typically fail for one of two reasons. One is sin. The other is that I am trying to reach another’s expectations and that ‘other’ is not God. I’m pondering what ‘failure’ looks like to me:
- A lonely toddler
- A messy house
- A husband/marriage not honored or tended to
- Disruly children
- A disjointed family
- A knot in my stomach at the end of the day (sometimes first thing!)
- Opportunities to minister passing me by
- Friendships not tended to
What do ya’ll think? Should we ever feel failure except when we fail in our walk with the Lord? Is is most everyone’s tendency to ‘fix’ the failure by instituting new methods or rules? If we have the godly sorrow that brings repentence, will the failures that matter cease and those that persist be put in their proper unimportant place? Are there other reasons that we fail? Do they matter? I could expound on all of these thoughts, but I’m looking forward to your thoughts.
Blessings,
Cindy
This is such a thought-provoking discussion, Cindy. Thank you for starting it. Please don’t take the silence this last day or so to mean that this topic is irrelevant. On the contrary, it strikes a chord and causes me to stop and consider. I’ve been pondering over it the last couple of days, and i keep coming back to the question: How do we define “failure”?
Sometimes it takes the shape of unmet expectations or unreached goals. That seems to be the point where we fall under the Spirit’s loving and pointed conviction. We know that we neglected to obey our Lord in a particular matter.
But sometimes it might be just our perceived result of what were actually unrealistic expectations. We might feel like we have failed, when in actuality we were putting a heavy burden upon ourselves that the Lord didn’t put there.
And sometimes failure happens because of unforeseen circumstances that we have no control over. Maybe we have done all that we can do or all that God has called us to do and the situation still doesn’t turn out the way that we would define as successful.
The hard part is discerning the difference between those circumstances, because our emotions seem to cloud our thinking.
You have given me a lot to ponder and pray about. Thank you. I know I fail for both of those reasons also, although, I have been much better about other’s expectations than I have been in the past. Sin ~ wow! Yes, this is definitely a reason for failing in whatever I am doing, thinking, attempting, etc.
For me, failure is anything that goes against God’s Word in general; but my compass would be the fruits of the Spirit ~ or lack thereof sometimes ~ in my outward behavior towards others or my inward thought life.
I think sometimes failure can come from simple ignorance. There are so many things that I did wrong in the past simply because I did not know it was wrong! Marriage, for example, can become a constant trial and error period, if both husband and wife are not taught their proper roles in the home.
Ignorance can cause so many problems. That is why it is so important to continue learning throughout life!(self-education) Another one of Charlotte’s ideas that I have discovered! I am continually amazed at how right she was about so many things!
The thing that caused me to bring this up was that my heart just goes out when I see the struggles in some of these posts – my own as well. God calls us to bear one another’s burdens and I praise the Lord that we have a group of like-minded people that, when they say ‘I understand,’ we can know that it is true. What a grand opportunity we have to sharpen each other and continually point each other in the right direction. I want to make sure that I am ministering correctly; not just shooting out Bandaids from my computer.
I agree that defining failure for oneself is important. I know the technical definition but the way it works out in me is emotional. If I give it my all and it doesn’t work; that’s disappointment in me. If I am ignorant of something and I do it wrong; then I feel apologetic. Failure to me feels condemning. I don’t believe God would have us feeling condemned; he redeemed us from that. Sounds like I should do a word study in scripture.
I’ve gained a lot from your comments; thank you!
Blessings and a victorious day!
Cindy
I just finished reading Failing Forward. (I think someone on this forum recommended it.) It was an encouraging reminder that failures are prime opportunities to grow. Everyone fails; the main difference is how we respond to those failures. The author does a good job of addressing how to separate the event from the emotions surrounding it. It was a helpful read, and challenged me to have a different attitude toward failure, our tendency to fear it, and the self-condemnation that usually comes in its wake.
Sounds wonderful, Sonya. I was just reading an article in a magazine about this very thing. How we should see “failures” as an opportunity not a set back. And how the most successful people are those who “failed” many times but used those times to fine tune their work. Here are a couple of quotes from Thomas Edison (who, by the way, was homeschooled!!)
- “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
- “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”
- “If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.”
Blessings my sisters!
mj
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