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Can a child have Aspergers but good social skills?
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I know you all aren’t doctors, but we don’t tend to take ours to the Dr. unless absolutely necessary so I was just curious about your opinions. Can a child have Aspergers or some other issue, but still have good social skills? Everything I have read says there needs to be some lack of skills, either avoiding eye contact, avoiding other children, etc.
Background: my almost 4 yr old son is so different and extremely difficult than the other 4 we have. And 3 of those others are VERY strong willed, so I know it’s not just that with him. (Thank the Lord for my one docile, eager to please child!:) He has always been very obsessive about ordering things, books/toys/salt shakers, etc by shape or color or other category. He has always been stressed about closing doors, at public places with the slow automatic doors I’ve just learned to let that need in him be filled before I say “OK, let’s go”. He worries about stepping on cracks in the grocery store parking lot, he corrects children and adults constantly if the thinks they are pronouncing a word incorrectly(and they usually are:). He is extremely emotional and loud/screams out of frustration many times a day, despite all my efforts to control the noise the same way I have with the other 4 that has worked for them. He’s very smart, remembers everything someone says, he started reading at 3 and helps his 5 and 6 yr old sisters with phonics rules because I told him once and that’s all it takes. There are many other things my husband and I have noticed, but those are the main ones. He used to enjoy only playing by himself, in his own little world most of the time, but the past year he’s really enjoyed playing more with his siblings and friends at church.
I don’t even know why I need to label him, I certainly don’t want him labeled by a Dr. or the insurance, but I think I just wonder if there are better ways to handle him than what I’m doing now, and want to avoid provoking him if possible, but not coddling him. I just get tired of trying to figure him out sometimes. I don’t know if that made sense, sorry it’s so long, thanks so much!
I know there are some high-funtioning Aspergers people that seem fairly sociable – but usually other people think there is something a little “off” about them…. they are kind of seen as an “odd duck” so to speak…
It does look like your son may have some Obsessive Compulsive Tendancies (I have that… Basicall OCD that isn’t bad enough to mess up your life…)
Take what you will out of that from a non-doctor over-the internet diagnosis made from 1 paragraph of information…
I am not an expert and I don’t have any children with these issues, but I do have a long-distance friend whose daughter has some of these types of issues and she has been diagnosed with OCD. It was severly impacting her life and I know they’ve done some rather intensive therapy to help her. Just a thought. Praying you find what you need to help your son.
Blessings,
Christie
If you are thinking maybe Asperger’s, remember that it is but one disorder on the autism spectrum. When my son was 8yo and seeing a behavioral psychologist, she suggested the possibility of PDD-NOS, which is Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified. After completing a variety of tests, the diagnosis was actually Mild Autism, along with behavioral issues and a borderline I.Q. (Borderline meant just a point or two above 80, which is what used to be called mentally retarded…..not sure how they categorize it now.)
Having worked with him both at home and with occupational & speech therapists since then (OT and ST for two years), I have to say I often forget about the low I.Q., and the behavioral issues seem to come to the forefront. I agree with you on the automatic door situations; often, I just have to allow him to be himself, and I remind myself that most of the time these inconveniences are not life-altering in the grand scheme of things.
Your description, while having elements you might find on the autism spectrum, does bring to mind things I’ve read about obsessive-compulsive disorder. I wish I could recall some of the books that have mentioned it, but nothing is coming to mind right now. Perhaps others will chime in with books they’ve read.
It is a puzzle, trying to figure out what special children need to thrive and how to cope with their uniqueness. Knowing that my son has an autism diagnosis has helped me to see what I need to research and do to help him, but I don’t like labels to be applied unless necessary. I also feel that autism is only one part of the picture, so having been through the initial diagnosis has been a springboard for other research (a lot of reading and a lot of internet-surfing) on my part. I would caution you, regarding looking for answers on the internet, to be very careful and delve into the credibility of the online bloggers and authors you encounter. I often remind myself, “just because it’s on the internet doesn’t make it valid.”
I hope you are able to find more of what you need to help your son. It seems as though you are on the right track in being sensitive to his needs and finding ways to cope with difficulties.
Ooo, your son sounds JUST LIKE MINE. Except mine is just starting to talk and he’s not quite 3. But he’s learning his colors, he’s starting to sort things, he knows some of the letters and runs his finger under words, he knows how to make 1-5 & 10 with his fingers and recognizes those quantities, and I’m not sure what else he’s learning that I don’t know about yet. Very, very strong-willed, too. This is the child whom it took MONTHS to learn that I was truly serious that at bedtime, he must stay in his bed. We still have many issues with him not taking us seriously, even though we are as consistent as human beings with 3 other children can be. 🙂 He also is very against having anything broken. His banana breaks, it’s the end of the world. A toy breaks, same thing. Fan’s not on, must be broken. Drawer handle off the dresser, OH MY. 😛 He is fascinated with glasses and toes right now. LOL Oh, also he is the most social little guy on the planet. We call him our greeter at church. Literally, he says hi to everyone with a big grin, shakes hands with people (mostly men, because that’s mostly what he sees Daddy and the other men doing), and even walks people to the door afterwards and says bye. LOL It’s really quite adorable!
We are thinking our son is gifted, with OCD to boot (many gifted kids/adults also have something else with it). So I joined the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum on FB and poked around their website. I’m not sure when/if we’ll test him for giftedness, but I definitely see OCD tendencies in him. I have a BA in Pscyhology, so this stuff fascinates me. 😛 My dh also has a high IQ, and he is just like his daddy was when he was little. A little scary, but at least we know what’s coming, right?
I am sure, 100% positive, our son is not on the autism spectrum at all. It really doesn’t sound like yours is, either. Another sign of autism is that instead of playing with a whole toy, say a truck, an autistic kid will be fascinated with just the wheel. Our son definitely is interested in the whole toy. He has begun lining up his toy trucks/tractors to play, and he is actually playing, not just lining them up for kicks. 🙂
Hope this helps!
Sara B. is right about the toys. Autistic kids don’t always play with them the way they are “supposed to.” My sister finally stopped buying my son Hot Wheels track sets because she was annoyed that the sets were all put together on Christmas Day, and by New Year’s, he had taken the whole thing apart and just carried around some random pieces from it to play with. I have to laugh at that now, looking back.
Thanks for all the info, you are right about not surfing the internet too much:) OCD is in my family’s past as well as mine, so I see that as a definite issue and just wondered about anything further. Maybe it’s just that and at least I can understand where he’s coming from, but that doesn’t make the day go more smoothly!:) Thanks again
I have Aspergers and it sounds like your son could also. OCD is often connected with Aspergers. The thing about Aspie kids not playing with whole toys is a stereotype that is unhelpful.
But I wouldn’t worry about it. Because it doesn’t really matter one way or the other. The important thing is that you love and accept him. It sounds like you do.
I have 2 children with Aspergers, and probably have it myself. One thing I have learned is that Asperger’s can present itself in very different ways. Most aspies have an IQ that’s normal or high. Some aspies are very outgoing (but don’t tend to notice when other people are giving them unspoken social cues like “I’m bored”). Others want to avoid social contact as much as possible. Some can learn to act extroverted even though they are not; though it takes some effort and tends to tire them out, emotionally. As far as how to help yourself and your child, the best advice and information I’ve found has come from other parents who homeschool their autistic or aspie children. I belong to an online yahoo support group called homeschooling aspies, and it has been a gold mine. Even if it’s just reassuring you that homeschooling is indeed a great choice for special needs kids, or that someone else is dealing with similar challenges and you’re not alone, it can be so helpful. HTH –Tara
Wow, this post was old!:) I’m the original poster, and my son is actually doing so much better socially, but the funny thing is that his buddy that he loves playing with the most is just like him (extremely smart for his age, a bit off in his personality, anal/OCD, etc.) It’s been great for my dear friend and I to see our kids that we were concerned about have fun together outside/inside, etc. My son still has definite issues that I try to work around, the hardest is his need to touch other people’s clothing, esp. if it’s soft! But I have been very encouraged the past year seeing him grow in certain areas. Thanks!
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