Book recommendations for "the talk"

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  • Sue
    Participant

    Spurred on by the recent thread concerning “the talk” for boys, I have been looking into some of the materials that were mentioned.  Now I have a couple of questions regarding them.

    First, about my girls….I very recently purchased a used copy of “Beautiful Girlhood,” but I haven’t yet been able to look through it.  I was wondering if anyone knows how it compares to Queen’s “From Girl to Woman” book?  Does it go into more or less depth of discussion than the Queen’s book does about God’s special gift for marriage?

    Now, about my son….I see that the Queen’s book, “From Boy to Man” mentions that it is similar to “From Girl to Woman” but (as their description states) for boys and their dads.  I am a single mom, his dad is currently living with his girlfriend, and I doubt he would discuss these things with ds from God’s perspective.  (Ya think?)  I was wondering if any of you (your husbands) who have used this book would think it appropriate and/or effective if I was to go through it with 11yo ds.

    I’m just thinking it might feel embarassing to ds to discuss this stuff with his mom, but it has to be done.  I’ve considered asking one of the men in our church, whom we know to be godly men, if they would be willing to have a discussion or two with ds.  An additional concern is that ds has mild autism, so he can sometimes be almost ‘unteachable’ or at least unwilling to receive things if he feels sensitive about something particular.  It seems to be a stickier issue to deal with because of his emotions and behaviors, but I see indications that he is as aware of some things just as a neuro-typical boy his age would be.  So, I don’t want to put off at least some basic discussion for too long.

    I would appreciate any of your thoughts on this.

    Sue

    Rachel White
    Participant

    Hi Sue,

     I don’t know the content of BG to compare for you to “From Girl to Woman”; I can just say it’s a good starter book and very gentle, the next one, Baby! G-d’s Gift for Married Couples comes next. My dd is very shy about such things; she has sensory dysfunction on every level and gets embarrassed/uncomfortable easily. She had some questions this past year, her 9 yr. old year, and I gave her the girl book and another one from a growing up Jewish perspective and we talked about the content. Plus, anytime she has a question or something comes up, I’m pretty matter-of-fact about terms and things, so she is very open with me. The girl one was fine, it didn’t raise a lot of discomfort in her, but she was not interested in the baby one yet. She’s content just going along and not talking about it, the complete opposite from her brother. There are two others I am going to get for her: The Miracle of Change by Ami Loper and The Miracle of Life.

    For my son, he’s a science/engineering mind and wants to just know how things work. When his oldest brother (my step-son) got his girlfriend pregnant, we had to address that situation and after a while, my son wanted to knw the hows by the time he was 9, something my dd wasn’t interested in knowing. Also, my son had approached me privatly with his ‘sensations’ that he was feeling when he saw women dressed immodestly (I talked to him then sent him to his dad). My husband kept saying he would talk to him further, but never did (he was dealing with a bad bout of seizures at the time; many times I’m llike a single mom due to his chronic health problems) and I kept getting pummeled with questions (did you get the book yet?, etc). So I did it with my hubby’s; I gave him the boy book from Queen’s and we talked about it afterwards, then he had many other questions about the hows, so I gave him the Baby book and we went over that information as well. There’s still more to discuss and we will do that in time.

    I think that you are wise to seek out a man to be there for him, but if you could also find a way to broach the subject yourself with him to make it possible so he will come to you, too, then I would; the Queen’s books do not have illustrations that put images into their minds, it is very basic. Like I said, I didn’t read it with him, but we sat down afterwards together. If you read it to him, it may embarrass him more than if you gave to him with the word that ya’ll would be talking afterwards and to think of any questions. I don’t know; I think you know best what would work better.

    Don’t know if I’ve helped you any. I think you should probably go with your gut that he’s ready for something. Remember to pray ahead to create the atmosphere and blessing that your son will be receive and it will create an opening for further discussion.

    G-d Bless, Rachel

    Sue
    Participant

    Those are good suggestions.  What would you say is the reading level of the “From Boy to Man” book?  My son is currently reading at about a mid to late 2nd grade level.  If it was doubtful he could accurately read it himself, I think it would likely be best to have him go through it with a man but discuss with and/or answer questions from me.

    houseofchaos
    Participant

    Hi Sue,

    Rachel’s sugestions are great.  The Queen’s books are a nice intro, and Ami Loper’s books are wonderful.

    Another great resource not mentioned is The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made.

    I haven’t looked at Beautiful Girlhood for a while, but I think it focuses more on character and purity, rather than the technical issues.  I have the original, though, not the revised version

    Gaeleen

    Rachel White
    Participant

    Sue, I do think it’s above a 2nd grade reading level, probably a 4th minimum. He’d need some help with quite a few words.

    Rachel

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