60-day returns • free shipping on USA orders $129+
Blended family/schedule help needed
- This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 7 months ago by
.
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
- Posts
We need a schedule in this house!
My two sons are 3.5 and 18 months. Since my boys are so young we’re not really doing anything for school right now, we’re just doing life. =)
The challenge: I also have three stepsons (16,11,7) who are in public shcool, and with us 50% of the time.
Weeks when the older boys are not with us are very relaxed. We read, take walks, work in the garden, paint, play ball, play with goats, we may take a trip to a friends house or the library but stay home for the most part.
Weeks that the older boys are with us look like this: I get up early to cook breakfast and pack lunches and Dad leaves with them at 7am. (Sometimes the youngest two wake up, sometimes they don’t. Should I enforce a wake-up time for them that is the same as their brothers? It feels very counterintuitive to wake them up–EVER- because they have been such fussy sleepers from the start and neither of them naps during the day. But if I let them sleep my kitchen time gets dragged on… Then there’s the weeks when the older boys are not here–I would never normally make my 1 and 3 year old wake up by 6:30, but should I for the sake of consistency?) I then get my little ones fed and dressed and clean up the kitchen. I have a couple hours to do laundry and cleaning and then it’s lunch time. I leave at 1:15 to pick up the 7 year old. After he gets off his bus at 2, we drive over to the 11 yr old’s school and wait for him to get out at 3 (if the weather is nice we can play on the playground, if not we just sit in the car and read). We get home between 3:30 and 4. I get the kids a snack and let them play outside for a short while before I have to crack the homework whip over them. Then it’s dinner, clean-up, Bible reading and bedtime. These poor children have no down time, but that’s not within my control.
Any advice on how to come up with a workable schedule considering the huge variation from week to week?
On a side note, in 2009 I had the privilege of homeshcooling two of my stepsons(then 5 and 9) while the oldest one attended a private christian school. Ahhh, those were wonderful days. The children loved it, I loved it— our days were full of learning and activity, but so peaceful and the kids were so happy. We had a structured but flexible schedule and the kids thrived within the security of structure and precictability. (their parent’ divorce was not a pleasant one, and to this day the mom/dad relationship is barely civil at best). But, it’s not to be anymore… =(
I don’t expect a quick-fix solution, and I know I have to be flexible, but I feel as though I’m being so flexible I’m going to break. Add to the mix the older boys’ mom arranging sports and activities that require even more from me and make maintaining any kind of schedule even more challenging– I’m feeling frazzled and stressed without routine, and when I’m stressed it affects everyone. Any advice will be welcomed and appreciated. Have any of you been where I am? Thank you very much!!
I have been where you are in a couple of ways…. 1st I do understand the step-child situation, although we had sole custody of them. I know the stress of school and homework etc because of them. They are all adults now, so just have occasional things to deal with there.
2nd – I do understand the 1 week one way, 1 week another… and it is difficult. My dh used to work 7 nights on, 7 nights off… so the one week I would be getting a routine going… and then the next week the routine was totally gone lol. I do actually wish for those days again, as his current schedule is worse, although easier to get a routine going. I miss the “family swims” at the pool in the middle of the day, etc.
Here is my advice… although it is what would work for me… maybe it wouldn’t for you. I wouldn’t want the stress of the PS routine you have to do the one week mess up with the relaxed home-life routine you have the other week… so really, I’d just try to have 2 routines…. only having common those things that help “glue” it together.
I would NOT wake up the younger 2 at this point even on the PS weeks…. although once they are older I might concider having a wake-up time that works for you for your homeschool that you keep constant… but for now, why wake them up? Yes, it will make your kitchen time longer…. can you make breakfasts that you do the main cooking early, but can then feed to the younger ones without much more work?
Anyway – I’d do my best to keep things as relaxed and comfortable as you can when you can, instead of doing the rush-rush-rush routine all the time. Your kids will adjust to the 2 routines (they probably already have) – it will take you a while to get comfortable with switching back and forth (and you may always feel a little off kilter…)
anyway – that is my 2 cents.
I don’t have any advice since I don’t have any experience with this type of situation but I would NOT be waking my kids up early. Ugh. I would do my best to make 2 schedules that work as well as they can under the circumstances.
I would say “no” to waking up the little ones. It will only make your day longer listening to them whine from lack of sleep. They need their sleep. As for the older ones. They are old enought to make their own breakfast. They can make bowls of cereal if they have to. Granola is fine. I would make it up ahead of time and they can put their bowls in the dishwasher or have some soapy water in the sink so they can wash and put it in the strainer quickly before school. I think this would greatly benefit you if you didn’t have to do extra work for them in the morning. Don’t stress out about it. Just let them take care of it even if it is a bagel in the toaster. 🙂 Even the 7 year old is old enought to get himself a bowl of cereal in the morning and might even like to decide what he wants to eat…. given the choice between a few things that are quick and don’t make a big mess….
Blessings! hope this helps!
I agree with not waking up your little ones, and with making breakfast as independent as possible. Even if you need to do a bit of cleanup, I would wait until the little ones are done with their breakfast and then do it all at once.
Even if you don’t do cereal, there are plenty of options for breakfasts that your older children should be able to make on their own. We eat lots of oatmeal. I use the quick oats and just pour boiling water over it and then flavour. If you prefer the longer cooking version, you can set up a slow cooker the night before. Wheat cereal can be done the same way. You could prepare breakfast burritios ahead and reheat in the morning. Do some research on quick breakfasts!
I would also make the older children responsible for making their own lunches the night before. You don’t need to be spending the whole morning in the kitchen. This would give you time to get some of your laundry/cleanup type things done before the littles get up, so that you can spend your mornings with them.
It also sounds crazy that your pickup routine takes almost 3 hours! Are there any other options? Bus? Carpool? Schools closer to you? Afterschool program for the 7 year old so that the rest of you don’t have to be there so early?
Finally, can you put some limits on the extra actvities? Even as a homeschooling family with a much more flexible schedule, we have to limit our ‘out of the house’ time, or we just get all too wound up. On top of your pickup schedule, extra activities would drive me over the edge.
Good luck, I know blended families can be very challenging to figure out all the details.
Joanne
Wow, that sounds like a lot. I hope you can get a less-stressed schedule figured out soon. I agree about the kids making their own breakfast. My kids are 9 and 12. At some point in the morning I lay out the things I want to make sure they have….water, vitamins, and a fruit. They pick whatever whole grain cereal or toast they want and put their dishes in the dishwasher when done….very little time for me. I’ll occasionally have some leftover french toast or something they can heat on their own, too. Best wishes….hopefully summer will be a reprieve for you! Gina
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
- The topic ‘Blended family/schedule help needed’ is closed to new replies.