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birds and the bees…. ;-)
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Our oldest son is 12 and the next one turns 10 in a couple weeks. I know there are several different “curriculum” or retreat kind of ideas for dads and sons or moms and daughters. I think there’s one called Passport to Purity (?). Looking for any suggestions on something dad can do with our 12 year old that includes facts but also being pure and responsible. We’ve talked about dh taking him away for a night or a weekend and starting this. Our children are VERY innocent but we know he’s 12 and (red-faced) he almost walked in on us the other night…I know–TMI…sorry (the door was locked but he apparently got the key that we keep b/c our youngest girl likes to lock doors…)
Thanks!
There is a free ebook that you might like (assuming you want something fairly religious and modesty/purity based, yet with the information needed.)
It is called “Growing Up: Gospel Answers about Maturation and Sex” and can be downloaded for free at http://deseretbook.com/free
It is LDS (Mormon) based, so you will want to read it and see if it works for you – but it is really well done (from what I remember looking it over a few months ago) and as it is free, it won’t cost anything for you to decide if it will do for you or not.
I don’t have a program recommendation, but I do have a book that I think is wonderful on this topic.
What’s the Big Deal (Christian perspective)
I’ve linked to my review of the book on The Curriculum Choice.
Queens offer a couple easy reads that seem well suited. However, I’m sure you & dh will want to pre-read first. My dh read & discussed these with our ds when he was 12.
~ The Boy and the Rose : This simple parable of a boy seeking a perfect, pure rose for his mother, presents the concept of importance in remaining physically pure, and not becoming defiled, to young children in a gentle way that they can understand. A precursor to future conversations between parent and child, this story presents a much-needed discussion in the formative years, for boys and girls
~ From Boy to Man : God’s Plan for the Marvelous Changes that Will Take Place! The “boy’s book” only ”, this title is similar to From Girl…to Woman!, but for boys and their dads! Modestly and tactfully done, it explains all those things you need to talk about in a discreet way, as part of God’s plan for boys growing up.
http://www.queenhomeschool.comHave you considered Dr. Dobson’s book, Preparing for Adolesence? There is the actual book, but there is also a c.d. set that covers a lot of what is in the book, and you can purchase a family guide that has worksheets and things that you can do together. My husband did this with our oldest going over a session a week, setting aside special time just for him and our oldest, and plans on doing this with all of the boys. We didn’t do this until his 13th birthday, sort of as a right of passage along wtih some other special things for him at that birthday (for those of you wtih sons, I would highly encourage you and your husband to read the book “Raising a Modern Day Knight.” My husband and I both read it, and he went to a study on the book through our church.)
However, we had also previously talked to him about sex. The oldest was probably about 11 or 12 at the time. If you’re going to use a program that talks a lot (or even just a little bit) about the facts, just beware. Talking to your son about sex will, 9 times out of 10 be awkward!! We have a really good relationship with all our kids, but talking to the oldest about sex and male and female body parts was excruciating!! One of the best suggestions my husband and I ever got was when you broach the subject (especially for the first time) is to a)do it in a setting where this a time frame or limit. It’s easier when both parties know they are not going to be stuck in this conversation indefinately and b)if you can, do it in a situation where you don’t necesarily have to be sitting knee to knee looking each other in the eyes. Talk about uncomfortable….We decided to broach the topic of sex in the car on a trip to Six Flags for the eldests’ birthday. That way, it was just the 3 of us, he was sitting in the back seat so we never had to make direct eye contact, and there was a definate end. At some point we would reach our destination and could end the conversation. We found that this made it a lot easier to talk about, made our son more comfortable asking questions, and us more comfortable talking about ‘delicate’ topics. And, once you have that first conversation it is much easier then to talk after that. My husband was able to go over Preparing for Adolesence with him (it covers lots of different ‘growing up issues,’ not just sex), he’s had conversations about internet pornography, etc. And our son has felt more comfortable coming to his Dad when he has questions.
Just some food for thought 🙂
Since we are on this topic, I am curious if any moms have done the talk with their sons. My husband is not saved and I really would like to add in the Christian perspective with my son instead of a more worldly view my husband would give him.
To answer the last question, I did have The Talk with one of my sons, along with my husband. We left it open to him to ask any questions later and either of us would be available for discussion. So far he hasn’t approached us with questions. We (my son and I) have a fairly open relationship and we talk about everything so it wasn’t uncomfortable for me to be there. Also, since I teach him all day long I had a pretty good idea what he needed to see/hear in order to understand and what his facial expressions meant during the conversation. By the way, he’s 9.
When he gets older and we need to talk about body changes I think my husband might handle that solo. We’ll see.
I had to talk to my son because my husband kept putting it off, and this child doesn’t like being put off; when he wants info., you better be ready to give him something.
So I used the Queen Homeschool materials; From Boy to Man and theirs about G-d’s Gift to Married Couples (about babies). The series is very gentle without illustrations that show too much or entice the imagination (which is why I dont’ like the “other” series of books on this topic that is very popular). My son is very verbal so it was a fairly easy conversation, though I kept pretty straight to the small books; I gave them to him to read first, then to come to me if he had any questions. That way I stick specificly to answering the questions and thereby keeping the conversation focused. He considered it a wonderfully, positive thing. He has read The Squire and the Scroll previously, too which set a good foundation. Also, we have dogs and they (my children) helped with the delivery and were there during the heat of the female, so that experience helps smooth things over, too. We also have gone Sodom and G’mora, too.
My son was also 9 at the time. He still doesn’t know about the mechanics of the actual act itself. I did talk about kissing and it’s purpose and why that too should be only for his Bride. I don’t mind my husband talking to him, he just puts it off too much and children will only be put off for so long before they seek the info. elsewhere.
Rachel
I really want to second the little booklets from Queen’s HOmeschool. There are no detailed pictures, which we were uncomfortable with. It is all done from the perspective of how God’s grows His kingdom and brings babies into the world.
Also, the movie Milo and Otis as well as Beauty and the Beast show the birth of an animal, which was helpful to point back to.
We have not had the talk with our boys who are turning 12 next month. We need to do it, just waiting for the right time.
My husband did not grow up in a Christian home and was exposed to p*rn as a small child. It is very important to us that we present to our children now a healthy, Godly view without anymore details than absolutely necessary.
A Titus 2 woman in our church suggested that my husband read the book Fidelity by Douglas Wilson before talking to our boys.
Hope this is helpful.
Betty
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