behavior problems

We adopted a dd and we dealt with tantrums well beyond the ages they usually stop. My guess is he’s picked it up AT preschool by observing another child(ren) having tantrums and getting away with it.

What we did when she was that age, as she was able to be talked to, as opposed to a toddler, is told her in advance what we were going to do and not tolerate. How G-d expects him to have self-control and how to express himself with words instead and finally, reinforcing your authority over him per G-d’s Authority. Do this in advance, not during.

Then when she had them, whereever they happened, I physically removed her without a word (one time I took us out of the grocery store and snapped her into her carseat, rolled down the window part way, shut the door and turned my back on her against the car; that only happened 2x), either sent her to her room to sit her on her bed or dragged her there and shut the door on her. I don’t think time outs work, just removing your presence and attention. Also, don’t try to talk to him during one; it’s giving him attention.

I did find that spanking antagonized them, though. I didn’t allow certain privileges after one as a result.

Yes, I would return him to his lesson after the tantrum is over. I do have a question, though. At his age, what kind of lessons is he doing, where and for how long?

Rachel

My son didn’t write his name and didn’t like writing and he wasn’t labeled anything, he was just 5, and my dd who was labeled LD couldn’t either. Most children, esp. boys, do not writing at 5 and 6.

What are you using for h/w? Considering his age and motor skills (which are probably just right for his age, just not ‘right’ for the state you’re in!), I would highly recommend Handwriting without Tears. It was designed by an OT for age approprite developmental h/w and my dd enjoyed the workbook at age 5 (it uses only crayons as they should), along with the Stamp and See Screen and the Slate. We did one page a day or every other day. When she completed a letter, she would color the Pre-k wall card and we would put it up in her room in the order of the ABC’s for her exposure to it.

http://shopping.hwtears.com/category/prek

On alternating days when I didn’t use the book, I would use magnet letters, on the floor or letter puzzles and wooden letters. That way her hand got a rest. At 5, I didn’t ask her to write her name on anything, but I did tell her a word and she could use the magnets or wooden letters to spell it. Spelling her name was too advanced (it was for my son, too) and didn’t come until a year or so later. But the ‘authorities’ in your state don’t need to know that you are telling him how to spell his name as he uses magnets or letters. Just picking out the letters that spell his name are good enough really. So for example, my dd is KYLA; I would tell her “get a big K” she gets it, “find a little y” gets it, “find a little l” and “find a little a”. The whole time I would be guiding them to go in the correct order and then when it’s complete make a big whoop about how she spelled her name and document it that she spelled her name. Do the same things with other words he’s intersted in, like dog, cat, etc… but for only about 5 minutes then leave him alone.

I’d leave the chalk just for his own personal fun until he writes them on his own.

ALso, don’t forget the 3 most important areas CM made abundantly clear and that was habits; attention, truthfulness and most importantly obedience. This is the time, doing it again because it comes in waves, to reestablish your authority and expect obedience. Although he’s too young to be writing his name, when you tell him to find a letter for you (in the magnet, wooden letters area), or do something else he doesn’t want to, he should be expected to do it; if he doesn’t there must be discipline or you will have trouble getting him to do his work in the future. Since you mentioned your husband doesn’t have as much trouble, your son may also be challenging you, IMO.

If you haven’t checked out the HWT, I think it would make things much easier on both of you and he wouldn’t dread writing.

I know your state has ridiculous expectations for a K (I assume he’s turning 6 the next school year?), so you’ll have to figure out a way to work with his developmental level while putting down only the info. they need; they don’t necessarily need to know how you got there, do they? As in the example above? I don’t know how much you’re supposed to document, but if they don’t have to approve of your methods, then you can be as creative as you want, working within his learning style; not trying to recreate school at home, while still upholding your authority.

He’s not in K yet so can’t you give him a break until K really starts? Then start over with HWT, and a slower, yet consistant pace. Keep your lessons between 5-10 min. max or you will get no where.

Rachel

Hi,

I noticed on another discussion that you are in Mississippi. I looked at the HSLDA website for requirements. You do not have to tell the school system anything except that you are homeschooling. Here is a copy of what HSLDA says:

MISSISSIPPI

Compulsory Attendance Ages: “age of 6 on or before September 1 … and has not attained the age of 17 on or before September 1…and shall include any child who has attained or will attain the age of five (5) years on or before September 1 and has enrolled in a full day public school kindergarten program. A parent or guardian may disenroll a child from the kindergarten program once, and the child shall not be compulsory attendance age until age six.” Mississippi Code Annotated § 37-13-91.

Required Days of Instruction: 180 days. “except that the ‘nonpublic’ school term shall be the number of days that each school shall require for promotion from grade to grade.” Home instruction programs are included in the definition of “nonpublic school.” § 37-13-91(2)(i).

Required Subjects: Repealed July 1, 1984.

Home School Statute: Miss. Code Ann. § 37-13-91(3)(c).

A home school parent is required to comply with the following:

1. The parent, guardian, or custodian of the children must file a “certificate of enrollment” including names, address, and telephone number of parents and children, dates of birth of children, and a “simple description of the type of education the children are receiving.” The certificate must be submitted by September 15 of each school year to the school attendance officer where the child resides.

“Any parent, guardian, or custodian found by the school attendance officer to be in noncompliance with this section shall, after written notice of such noncompliance by the school attendance officer, comply with this subsection within 10 days after such notice or be in violation of this section.”

2. A parent who has enrolled his child in the public school may, after Sept. 15, still enroll the child in a “legitimate home instruction program and send the certificate of enrollment to the school attendance officer” even though he missed the deadline.

3. A child must be educated in a “legitimate home instruction program” which is one that is not operated for the “purpose of avoiding or circumventing the compulsory attendance law.”

4. “It is not the intention of this section to impair the primary right and the obligation of the parents … to choose the proper education and training” for their children, “and nothing in this section shall be construed to grant the State of Mississippi … authority to control, manage or supervise” the private education of children. “And this section shall never be construed so as to grant, by implication or

Mississippi MS-2

Copyright 2008, HSLDA, all rights reserved. May be reproduced only by permission.

THIS ANALYSIS DOES NOT CONSTITUTE THE GIVING OF LEGAL ADVICE.

Call or write to receive a free copy of HSLDA’s newsletter and membership application.

HSLDA, P.O. Box 3000 Purcellville, VA 20134 • Phone: (540) 338-5600 • Fax: (540) 338-2733 • Website: http://www.hslda.org

otherwise, any right or authority to any state agency or other entity to control, manage, supervise, provide for or affect the operation, management, program, curriculum, admissions policy or discipline of any such school or home instruction program.” Miss. Code Ann. § 37-13-91(9).

Teacher Qualifications: None.

Standardized Tests: None.

Bottom line, the school may have high standards, but as a homeschool mom (and this, in my opinion, is the beauty of homeschooling) you can allow your son to go at his own pace. I would strongly suggest that you join HSLDA before September to avoid any problems with your school system, but if you need to focus for a year, or even two, on character, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We did that with our now 10 year old son (who has high functioning autism) and he is doing so much better. Reading, writing and other subjects do come much easier if you wait until the child is ready. By the way, I agree with the suggestion to use Handwriting without tears. I use it and it works great! 🙂 Gotta finish dinner. Hope this helps!

God Bless!

Malissa 🙂