before breakfast chores

Alternate days.  Each child does ALL the cleaning of the room every other day. Potential for unfairness when non cleaning child is extra messy? Yes. Potential for learning that you don’t want to make extra work for others when they can make extra work for you, or that cleaning up your own mess / half the mess isn’t so bad.  Yes.  🙂

Oh, I think I like that one eawerner….   might also learn that company can be nice while cleaning… lol.   I may do that with my kids…

Since they complain about who’s not doing what, could you change it around to where they must each report to you 3 good things that someone else accomplished. They would all have to have done some work in order to receive a good report and each would have to notice the work of the others. This could be tied in to several habits. Encouraging them to express appreciation to each other.

I did read everyone’s post, and you’ve gotten some really good suggestions so far.

In your original post, you said that if the girls miss breakfast, they’re clamoring for food during school time. Honestly, I get it, but I wonder if making them go without a couple of times might not help you get your desired result of clean rooms before breakfast. If they know what to do, how to do it, and when it’s expected of them to be finished and they still can’t complete the job, then they should not be rewarded with breakfast. Period. Unless you’re willing to implement Tristan’s suggestion to have breakfast first and then tidy the rooms, then don’t serve them breakfast until what you’ve asked is done. If you explain, “Girls, I’m sorry you didn’t make your beds and put away your laundry in time today, but I just can’t serve you breakfast because it’s time to start school. You’ll have to wait until lunch (or mid-morning snack, if this is something you do) to eat. You will not complain about this either. You have had plenty of time to complete your work and you chose not to. Hopefully, you’ll make a better choice tomorrow.” 

If, during school time, they’re slacking or complaining about being hungry, you already instructed them not to, so that behavior has crossed over from dawdling to outright disobedience, which you would have to deal with in an appropriate manner.

I also noted that you have taken away dessert for not having the chores completed. And I wonder exactly what that accomplishes? It seems to me that, in order to make a lasting effect and change the behavior, the consequence should naturally fit the behavior. To me, dessert and room tidiness or dawdling don’t really have much to do with each other. However, you cutting into their play time later in the day and having them do the jobs then seems to be a more natural consequence. They took up your valuable time in the morning by dawdling, so they should repay it later in the day when they’d rather be playing, reading, or doing whatever they would normally do for fun. 

Have you ever thought about having them complete the room tidying and laundry BEFORE bed? In our home, we have what’s lovingly referred to as “bedtime cleanup”. This takes place during the 30 minutes prior to being tucked in. Each child has to not only completely straighten his/her own room, but also go around the house and see if they have any toys, shoes, books, or other belongings that they’ve used throughout the day and not put away. Then they must lay out their clothes for the next day, so that in the morning, they’re ready to go. 

Finally, perhaps you could delay making breakfast until after everyone is downstairs, the rooms have been checked, and the day is ready to begin. Once everyone is in the kitchen, you could all make breakfast together. You cook the more difficult things, let an older one help with the cooking, another girl sets the table, another pours the milk or juice, etc. One of my children’s morning responsibilities is to unload the dishwasher as soon as they come into the kitchen. I can supervise the unloading since I’m in there making breakfast. If the dishwasher doesn’t need to be unloaded, or if they unload it before I’m finished cooking, they chip in and help finish the meal by cutting fruit, buttering toast, pouring glasses or milk, etc. 

Of course, any job you assign a child to do is a job you should expect yourself to follow through on. If you’re not checking, then you’re communicating to them that you don’t really expect them to do the job right or to complete it in time. 

I hope I’m not coming across as critical. I know how frustrated you feel, as I’ve been there before. So if I sound harsh, it’s because I’ve had to take some drastic measures in the past (such as taking away all my children’s belongings, making them wait to eat, and more). That may not be for everyone, I understand. 

Blessings!

Lindsey