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Bad Attitudes – Advice & Wisdom Needed
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My kids, for the most part, are compliant and happy. BUT, like everyone, have tired or bad moods at times with work. This is inevitable due to being born as flesh. LOL!
The best thing I have done is to lower my expectations of perfect learning, and just listen to what the Lord is telling me to do with my day, moment by moment. HE is the teacher, I am just the avenue He has chosen. And of course I am learning even more than my own kids half the time. :). Remember this is a SACRIFICE, we take up this cross and follow. It will not be easy and we may not see with eyes the fruit just yet, but we have faith that God as the pilot knows where the plane is headed. With our weaknesses and all!!
Character books are great, but don’t rely on that for changing behavior. Kids will still feel tired, out of sorts, and weak on some days. Encourage them in every way you can, and focus on any positive behavior (especially when you see it! ) it is amazing how encouraging words can build our children up. There’s a lot more to say about this, but I won’t be longwinded. Hope this helps you.
Blessings!
Agree with Simple home. Positive reinforcement is by far the best way to get behavior. “Thank you for your happy attitude”, “You got you work done so quick now we can __________(fill in the blank with something fun)”–the key is you have to be LOOKING for the positive, it’s alway so much easier to see the thing you don’t like…
Also, I worked hard to make my kids own their eduaction (but we are NOT un-schoolers!)
Here’s how it works in our house. For every 6 week term we come up with goals (mostly I come up with goal for them but they are welcome to contribute things like what science topic they want to study, what they want to work on for 4H projects etc.). The goals are things like–do math lesson X-Y, 6 written narrations, 6 dictation selections, 12 copywork selections, read books X,Y, Z, learn about such and such or so and so………… when they finish everything on the goal page they get time off until the next term starts (I try to work it so there is a week between terms).
Then each day I help them fill out their to-do list. Our To-Do list is custom made with spots for 2 chores (of their choice but approved by me), math, writing, reading, other, spelling, and 2 spots for thing we will do as a family. They can then go through their to-do list in their own order and when everything is crossed off they can pick something fun: a craft, watch 1/2 hr of TV, go for a bike ride, bake cookies (we have a bunch of box mixes so this is one they can do on their own) a science experiment, there are also a few trinkets they can pick from but anymore they usually pick an activity. They each pick their own and can share with each other –otherwise it was too complicated. I have only once or twice had someone say they didn’t want to do school and my answer was that was fine they could go sit in my bedroom (no toys) while we did school but they would not get to pick a activity or enjoy their siblings fun activities–minds quickly changed! Also,
Another + is that my kids now see that I am helping them instead of forcing them. They actually say thank you when I do a spelling lesson with them!!
Anyway it work at our house.
Lindsey
Lindsey, love that!! Thanks for sharing your “common sense approach”. I am learning to put the responsibility back on my kids when things like this come up. Your approach works well because it places their duty of completing work with good attitude right back where it should be…on them, NOT on mom. It is an encouraging, rewarding way!!
Thanks again!
Great points Cindy!
Sarah thanks for the scriptures and the Tripp reference … very helpful. I like to use quotes from great leaders and inspiring people in our box too. We’ve revised it to more of an “Occasional Memory & Daily Discussion Box” at our house but the format is the same as the SCM Memory Verse box.
Lindsey awesome point on owning your education. I follow that as well here and I do in fact like some of the philosophy of un-schoolers. Your level of organization is inspiring but I don’t think I’m meant to follow that path. Our schooling is a little more organic in structure and we are rabbit hole followers a lot of the time (see old Claire posts). When I get super structured with a plan for our lessons our schooling doesn’t go as well. But I see your points for shifting focus for schooling from me to them where it really lies anyway.
I wanted to make clear that when I see this bad schooling attitude in my children it is more of a “I want to be free and do whatever other than lessons” rather than a bold defiant disobediance of my authority. Rushing. That’s really what is going on …. RUSHING to get it all done and frustration on their part that that can’t happen. It’s super frustrating to me but not “whoa trouble city” either. And I’d love to be less affected by it but in the midst of my day that’s a tough one.
I want them to love learning but some of you made great points: we must remember that they are children, have off days, are growing up/tired, etc. Sometimes they need our love more than our sternness. I am going to try to remember that. As far as recognition for the good they do (which far out weighs the bad) I’m pretty good about that one.
I think I’ll try to give them a bit more of an “day’s expectation” so that they can look forward to a clear end and to the freedom they are wanting. But I think I’ll go over more often the effort I expect and that if it isn’t there that delays the end of their lessons. I love that image of standing beside them more with the areas that they struggle in so that they don’t feel alone with the burden. I might be forgetting to do that as often as I should.
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