Applying "tact" to parenting

This is something I need to work on.  One of my DC is very sensitive to any sort of correction.  I feel like I have to be very careful when confronting her about anything.  I try to talk to her one-on-one whenever something needs to be addressed, but it’s not always possible.  Even then, she is easily upset when I try to confront her.

I’m really not very sensitive with the others…they don’t seem to be especially bothered by it, but sometimes I worry about not being considerate with them as well.  They should have just as much respect and courtesy as my sensitive child.   I need to find a way to do this that is both effective and considerate.

Great topic, Wings2fly! I’ve noticed throughout the years that the more gentle, kind and loving I am, the better my children respond and the better our relationships become. Harshness only brings out attitudes of resentment.

I have a dear friend who was a great example to me in this area. I met her when I had been homeschooling about a year or so (about 12 years ago). I noticed that she treated children with great respect. I had just begun to learn about Charlotte Mason and her reminders that children are born persons and I had a living example of how this belief played out in real life. My friend was gentle and kind with children and listened to them speak with patience and attention. I knew that I wanted to be more like her in that area.

I began to realize that viewing each of my children as persons, meant that I should treat them with the same respect that I would treat an adult. I don’t yell at adults, therefore I shouldn’t yell at my children. I don’t speak harshly with adults, therefore I shouldn’t speak harshly with my children, etc.

I love Trumball’s book on child training. Have you ever read it? It goes along very well with Charlotte’s ideas of children. My biggest takeaway was that our children (and all people) need us to sympathize with them. We know how hard it is to overcome bad behaviors in ourselves-we should sympathize with our children because we are all sinners in need of God’s power and grace to overcome our sin. If we come to them with an attitude of sympathy when they disobey instead of an attitude of judgement and condemnation, they will be more likely to listen and take our words and corrections to heart.

I don’t think children need to be taken away for a private talk each and every time they disobey. I think a few sympathetic talks where behaviors and consequences are discussed and agreed upon can go a long way towards helping a child overcome their undesirable behavior. Then, only a reminder is needed when the child steps out of line.

Harsh parenting tactics will especially bear bad fruit in the teenage years. They will become harsh in return. I know this from experience.

I am looking forward to reading what other moms have to say concerning this topic. I always need encouragement and growth in this area. Sometimes it’s so hard to be gentle, kind, and respectful when our children are misbehaving. Even though I know all of the above to be true, as usual, these things are easier said than done. We all fall short of our ideals at times and have to repent to our Lord and our children, and get up and try again. My daughter and I just had a disagreement last night and I can see how I could have handled it with more gentleness and grace.

What a convicting post that was to read! It’s definitely an area that I struggle to maintain in our home. Tact is not my strong suit with my children.
I appreciate the thoughts of others and the ideas. I don’t have much to offer as far as advice, but I have been very blessed and encouraged to read and listen to Sally Clarkson. She is an inspiration to parent with gentleness and grace, yet to also help your children to build lasting, godly character.
Parenting is HARD. My mom reminds me often that is a spiritual battlefield. Satan desires to steal our children’s hearts and mind. We are called to fight against that pull and point them ever to the Saviour who alone can give them victory over sin and help them choose righteousness. Jesus Christ truly is the only help for my failures and theirs!
Last week the Lord helped me to see that I needed to be praying fervently for my one child who can so provoke me to anger. The evil one has used our difficult relationship so many times to bring anger and unrest into our home. When I can recognize these parenting struggles as a deeper, far reaching issue, with spiritual consequences, I am able to cry out to the Lord for help and grace, wisdom and peace in each situation. There is always peace when I am resting in Christ to do the heart work that I and my children need.

Melanie, I just ordered the book you recommended.  I looked at it awhile back, but had forgotten about it.  Thanks for sharing!

Blessed Mommy, I read part of Unglued and really enjoyed it.  I didn’t get a chance to finish it before it was due back at the library…I should put it on hold again!

I have been really struggling with this issue this week.  I’m trying to get our house cleaned for company and it’s been very difficult to get the kids helping.  Unfortunately I lost my temper while we were cleaning out the garage and yelled at my DS for breaking something.  🙁     I’ve been trying to be more respectful today, but it’s difficult when they don’t listen.

It is so hard indeed HolyS. Especially when there is the pressure of a time crunch to get something done and your not getting any cooperation.

I’m sorry PetiteMom. While my husband has not pointed it out to me, he doesn’t have to. I see/hear similar things come from my kids. I’m just going to keep pressing into God’s word and trust that He will help transform me from the inside out.

Holly-I hope it blesses you as it has me. I read it at least once a year. 🙂

Petitemom-Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It takes time and lots of prayer. We don’t change over night. Each of us are a work in progress. The first step is recognizing the problem and making it a matter of prayer. The Lord will do the work in each of us but it takes time and we will never be perfect this side of heaven.

Bethanna-I have found that beating myself up afterwards only makes it worse. God is ready and willing to forgive us and help us to make a new start each and every time we make a mistake. Just remember that you are having the same struggle that all moms have. You are not a terrible mom-you are a normal mom.

Praying for all of us as we endeavor to be the moms that God has called us to be!