Name: Spreading the Feast Gathering
Start: 2025-07-11T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-07-12T23:59:59-05:00
Location: LaGrange, KY

This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 14 years, 7 months ago by Rachel White.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)

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November 3, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Sara B.
Participant
Long story short, I said some things on FB that were my viewpoint as shown to me through my life by God, and people very horribly attacked me for it. Yeah, I did call people to think about what they’re doing and see if God isn’t whispering something to them that they are ignoring, but I thought I had made it clear that these were my viewpoints as given to me by God for my life, and possibly others. I read them in His Word, and I slowly over the years have put them into practice, all the while becoming much more conservative than even most Christians. I evidently offended a lot of people (mostly family, as seems to be my “way” ), and my husband thinks it best I apologize for how I said things without apologizing for my viewpoint. I don’t mind doing that, as I am sorry I offended people and made them “hate” me, but how do I do it? Everything I come up with in my head sounds like I’m sorry I believe the way I do, and I’m not sorry for that. I’m not even completely sure I’m sorry for saying the things I did, because one friend actually said I gave her a lot of encouragement as she has been seeking God’s will about these things. A few people did say they agree with me, and others gave me encouragement that I was brave to speak the truth of God. So what do I do? How would it be best to handle this situation? Any insight or advice?

Thanks,
Sara
November 3, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Gem
Participant
I can admit, although I don’t like to, that I have been in a similar fix – the apology I have offered is this: “I never meant to cause offense, and if I have offended you, I am very sorry for that. My intention was not to hurt or offend.”
This satisfied my need to apologize, because I had true regret for offending. I did not have regret for the intention to give information or advice if asked – I stood by that part, but I was very truly sorry that the individuals were hurt by the conversation. I regretted the hurt.
This was the best I could do, and I was at peace with it – it is up to the other party to decide what to do with their own hurt and anger -accept my apology as it was meant, sincerely and with love, or not.
Wishing you peace!
November 4, 2010 at 3:50 am
Britney
Member
I read them in His Word, and I slowly over the years have put them into practice, all the while becoming much more conservative than even most Christians.

Sara- I could have written that myself! I have been dealing with some of the same issues. It seems that family are the first ones I seem to offend with my quote “radical” views. Still some of those I have offended are fellow Christians. If your husband feels you should apologize, then I agree with Gem and I would apologize for offending but never compromise on your convictions. I have had to say the same thing to family members. I just say that I am sorry they were hurt or offended by anything I said because that was truly not my intent, however I will not compromise on my convictions because these convictions came after studying, praying and seeking God’s will for my life. They are viewpoints/comvictions that were given to me by God for my life/family. If you have questions about these viewpoints, I would be glad to discuss them and how I came to them with you. I’ll be praying for you during this situation because I know how troublesome it can get.
November 4, 2010 at 11:58 am
nebby
Participant
I like what Gem said in terms of the actual wording of the apology. As tempting as it is, I would avoid adding a “but” as in “but I really meant what I said.” In terms of the larger situation and dealing with these people again, I would ask myself “is there a better way I can say things in the future?” and “am I really speaking in love whne I say these things?” I believe you meant to benefit others by speaking the truth but somehow we can still manage to do this without love. I also try to be very cautious about getting into serious discussions online, whether via e-mail or FB. It is much too easy for intentions and tones to be misunderstood when people are not face to face. If these people are your family and you have real concerns for them, maybe you shoudl be speaking to them more individually and face to face.
Nebby
lettersfromnebby.wordpress.com
November 4, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Sara B.
Participant
Thanks for your advice, all. It is hard to discuss anything with family face to face because they are all far away from us. The closest family member is more than an hour away, at least on dh’s side of the family, and we are all in different states/cities. The others on my side I rarely see, although I will see them at Thanksgiving in a couple weeks. My “rough draft” is too defensive, says my dh, which I knew, so I will shorten it and just try to come to the point. He says I have no tact. I felt what I said was laid on my heart by God to say, and my tone as I wrote it was in the kindest possible way, with love as my true intention. Obviously much is lost over the internet. 🙁 Evidently I did not say things “correctly,” although I thought I did, and even re-reading it, I still don’t think the reactions were quite what I would expect.
But, I will go work on my apology some more. I just don’t want them to think I am retracting what I’m saying, because I’m not. It is sad how even some Christians can’t understand that sometimes God calls us to say things that aren’t always popular.
November 4, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Sanveann
Member
I would probably just say something like, “My post they other day upset a few people who are very dear to me, and I am terribly sorry that they were hurt. That was never my intention.” Any further explanation just invites foot-in-mouth syndrome! And I would definitely avoid the phrase “I’m sorry you were offended,” because it’s sort of the hallmark of an insincere apology: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-apology_apology
That said, sometimes God does call us to say things that aren’t popular. But we are ALWAYS called to say things with love. And just because God is moving YOU and your family to do something in a certain way doesn’t mean other people who are faithful to God are feeling that call … and when people hear that “God wants us all to do X,” then they sometimes hear it as “You aren’t doing X and that makes you bad and wrong.”
November 5, 2010 at 12:20 am
Rachel White
Participant
Sara,
Do you know everyone’s phone number? A phone call is more personal and less easily misconstrued. Just have your apology written down and don’t let the conversation wander, ask the L-rd for His Spirit to guide you and control the tongue (which can b a dasterdly thing, as Proverbs and JAmes makes clear). Also, pray for covering over the “airwaves”, as The Adversary is prince of the airwaves and you must take authority over them, Satan doesn’t want truth told and he doesn’t want reconciliation either when it is possible; pray for G-d to affect their receiving of your apology, too and that this will be used by Him as an opportunity. But do remember, that Yeshua (Jesus) said in Matthew 10:32 “Whoever acknowledges me in the presence of others I will also acknowledge in the presence of my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever disowns me before others I will disown before my Father in heaven. 34 “Don’t suppose that I have come to bring peace to the Land. It is not peace I have come to bring, but a sword! 35 For I have come to set 36 a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, so that a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. 37 Whoever loves his father or mother more than he loves me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than he loves me is not worthy of me. 38 And anyone who does not take up his execution-stake and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his own life will lose it, but the person who loses his life for my sake will find it.
We went a season with ridicule by refusing to bring my children around my sister while she was an active wiccan and openly expressing her beliefs in front of the children, placing her hands on them and wearing her pentacle (an amulet, not just pretty little jewelry). It was very hard, but it took till she decided she wanted to be an Aunt first and respected the boundaries we placed around our children, that she can’t just force herself on our children. So things are better. But I was called “fanatic”, too. So we gave it to G-d and He worked it out. But it was hard; hopefully your situation isn’t as serious as this. when you pray for it in humility, asking for His Spirit to search your heart as well, to-“Renew a right spirit within me”-G-d’s Spirit can move mightily to prepare another’s heart before you begin to speak, as only He knows their hearts and minds enough to understand fully why the offense. We can’t control other’s people’s responses that come from their experiences/hurts/wounds/insecurities and you’re not responsible for that, either; just your own.
I think apologies should be on the phone or face-to-face, too; as said above, if possible. They’re harder over the phone, but better, IMO, and experience.
Rachel