Another little discipline question?

Do you have a yard and things for him to climb on outside? That’s vital. All of the things you describe are outside activities. My dd has sensory dysfunction and I still require her to walk in the house-albeit it always carries a bit of a skip to it, but she can’t run. She has a small trampoline, an exercise/therapy ball to work out her energy and soft blankets for her skin to provide sensory stimulation so as to calm her down. You can get a “fun deck” that contains ideas for using an exercise ball.

As for noises and volume, same thing. There is an”indoor voice” and an outdoor voice”. I allow mouth noises in their imaginative play; I think it’s given that they are going to make noises and sound effects since they don’t have electronics. That’s the point that I wanted them to be able to use their imagination, but the volume must be contained to me not being distracted or annoyed by it. What that level of volume would be is different for each mom, I think. At age 4, they should be able to know how loud is appropriate at a store or someone’s home and that starts at your home teaching what you are teaching. Good job!

I don’t allow nonsense noise. Nonsense poetry by Lewis Carroll later, but not nonsense noises. By age 4, I think that stage, necessary for learning to talk and and make words is pretty much past. Sounds like he may be an auditory child, so that’s to be expected, however that doesn’t mean that there are no ground rules. My dd likes to sing, but she can’t do it anywhere she wants and at what volume she likes. Encourage him to talk to himself using words (maybe start making up stories to occupy himself), but at a low tone; or let him sing songs; again at a low tone so as not to disrupt others. If he can’t do that, then no singing or talking at all. Of course, this singing and low talking/story telling wouldn’t apply when you’re out in public. This will also help towards being able to direct his own thought-life instead of being at the mercy of it.

Normal boy doesn’t mean out-of-control boy. If he needs more energy output options than make those available outside of the house (climbing, swinging, jumping, running, riding a bike); if he needs something inside that is contained, then you’ll need to get items for him in that department, too. The aforementioned indoor trampoline-you can even get the bar to go with it so he doesn’t go wild on it, I think you can get exercise ideas for it, too. Also, the the therapy ball is excellent. He can do stretches on it that are good for him as well as gentle, controlled bouncing exercises. A bean bag is also a great thing to have, IMO for little ones.

As my mom used to say-“There’s a Time and Place for Everything”

Make sure he’s getting lots of good fats (coconut oil, olive oil, pasture butter), Cod Liver oil w/vit. D and protein for his brain.

Lastly, when he’s outside, after he rides his little tri-cycle; encourage him to roll and lie in the grass; dig in the dirt; play in a sandbox; spin around like a top till he gets dizzy and falls down, run after butterflies and walk barefoot!

HTH,

Rachel

We allow running, hopping, playing loudly (to a certain extent) in our home. Now, I am the first to put a stop to it when it gets too put of control. Since you live in an apartment in a city where the weather isn’t ideal, I would say allowing him to “be a boy” is probably necessary, even if it is indoors. My personal opinion is that they are children and should be allowed to be children, within the guidelines you deem appropriate. Our children are expected to be quiet and polite when we have guests over or are at someone else’s house. If those people have children, though, the noise level can get deafening! But the children have so much fun that it’s hard to rain on their parade! When it’s just us at home as a family, we wrestle, play loud games, play hide and seek, roll around in blow up balls, and dance to our hearts’ content. Just my two cents!

We have 2 boys ages 5 and 7.  My husband and I see our home as our sanctuary.  But it is also our boys as well.  For us that means a place we can just be ourselves – all of us.  But we also have the conviction to teach our children to filter all of life through the scriptures and they tell us there is a time for everything.  So our boys have learned when it is not appropriate to be loud, rowdy and wrestle.  But other than those times it is free game in our home.  I had a wiser older mom tell me once to buy a set of earplugs and when it was ok for me to let my boys be boys to put in my earplugs and go about my business.  It gets loud here but with that loudness comes lots and lots of laughter and laughter is so good for the heart.  It’s not always going to be that way.  And we work really hard to teach them when they need to have self control regarding wrestling and being loud.  I feel they need an outlet and it is their home too.

Amy

I do allow some running, jumping, etc., but my children know where they can do this.  For example, my house is set up with the table area, living room, front hall, and pantry hall all forming a circle.  My kids run laps (including up and down 2 steps to the sunken living room).  I even assign laps when they are getting a bit wild.  My DS(4) will run over 100 laps. 

We also have an area in our basement by the TV where the kids love to dance.  This is our best ‘Composer Study’ time as they are getting to know their favourite pieces and composers to dance to.  They also have competitions to see how far they can jump across the room.  This area is also big enough that my DD(6) practices her cartwheels.  I actually get some of her best narrations when she is cartwheeling and listening to read alouds.  I see that as one of the benefits of homeschooling – at school her brain would shut off if the teacher insisted that she be still.  Kids need to move!  Lots!

DS(4) also spends a good portion of his time standing on his head, leaning against the couch.  We are working on remembering that his head must be on the floor, not with the head on the couch and feet kicking the wall. 

I’d first try to get outside as much as possible.  A good raincoat, splash pants, and an umbrella are essential in the Spring when it is rainy here.  Then, I’d find ways to use that energy in contained and approved ways.  Maybe a kid’s workout video or two?  Or just do some good old jumping jacks.  Maybe you could invest in something like Family Time Fitness.  (Check Homeschool Buyers Coop, I think they had a deal.)  http://www.familytimefitness.com/fitness4homeschool/Fitness4HomeSchool.php

Noises are also acceptable while playing, unless they are bothering someone.  Then the noisy person needs to either stop the noise or go be noisy in their room.  Noises are not acceptable at the table or during school time.

Joanne

Dana,

I don’t have much time, but I don’t think you can discern that with your son yet and I should clarify that I wasn’t necessarily saying that he may have sensory issues, just that my dd has (sorry, I didn’t mean to come across that way, but chocodog is right about how tough it is when one has a child on the sensory spectrum).

Everybody has some form of quirky sensory sensitivities, but some children are extreme in their actual seeking out sensory experiences that their body isn’t receiving from their neurological systems. My dd was adopted at 3 by us and had been in the womb of a mom who drank and smoked pot, then as a babe was physically assualted and neglected for hours, then placed in foster care from 7 months till age 3. Boy, do I have some crazy stories of her behavior, that can still be quite exasperating to me and her brother because he has to deal with it, too.

 The reason I say that you couldn’t discern that yet about him, is due to the self-admittedly lack of discipline he’s had thus far in his life in regards to respect for you and boundaries. I think it is easily used in our more permissive society to make excuses for a lack of discipline; I’m not saying you’d do this, please don’t think that’s what I mean; I’m just stating the realities of the modern family and the behavior we see around us.

It isn’t unusual for children to “get worse” in their behavior when they are now having to follow expected boundaries/rules of respect and order of authority in the home. Grown-Ups do it, too; adult temper tantrums-you think your son’s tantrums are ugly; just imagine if he’s a 30 yr. old.

If I may point out, these other families, I’m assuming since they’ve been on the forum here  awhile, that they’ve been enacting consistant discipline and expecting respect for their authority most or all of their children’s lives, so their children have that turn-on, turn-off switch of obeying mom or dad. From your own words, he doesn’t have that with you. So the important part is, if he can’t control himself and also won’t obey you when you tell him something, I think you have to establish those first, and that may mean having a tighter rope than you want, but keep in mind that this stage is temporary; you can loosen up later after he can prevent himself from “going wild” and escalating and he’ll obey you. Does that make sense?

Whether you think some running in the house is okay with you and your husband is up to ya’ll; but the real issue is whether he can restrain himself at certain times, respect house rules set by the adults around him and obey you. From your past posts, the answer is no, AT THIS TIME. It won’t always be like that; the “cracking down” on out-of-bounds behavior is a temporary stage and can seem extreme; but if you start lightening up the expectations now, then he will have, in a sense, won the “battle”and you may have to go back to square one and it’ll be harder than the first time.

Even if the noises are related to learning French, children pick up new languages pretty easily, I would still expect him to form some sort of actual words, whether English or French. I can tell whether noises are nonsense and when they are from being engaged in imaginative play.

Being in an apartment during the rainy season is tough; it’s raining an extreme amount of time here (N.GA.), too. I second what was said above; some rainboots, a raincoat and hat and you’re on your way on days that aren’t frigid. When spring comes, you could plant a small patio garden for him to plant flowers in and even get an indoor sandbox, or outdoor if you have room; if you see he enjoys it at the playground (if they have one).

I just thought about another indoor toy-the SIT-N-SPIN! He’d love that, I bet! Perhaps one of those tube things, where he has to crawl through like a worm. Of course, he can crawl like a worm w/o a tube, too.

After a long enough time of consistant discipline by you and there are still glaringly odd behaviors then SS may be something to look at, but at this time, it’s too soon. However, that doesn’t mean that those indoor activities/tools for activity I mentioned wouldn’t be beneficial. Traditonal childhood play provides the necessary stimulation to mind and body.

Just my 2c

Rachel

Dana,

I’m glad to hear that things are going so much better in your home.  Keep it up and you’ll have some great habits developing soon.

Rachel did a great job of answering your next question, but I just wanted to throw in my confirmation. 

Children are going to be active.  That’s totally normal.  We need to provide an outlet for that energy.  I think it only becomes a problem when it exceeds reasonable limits set by the parents.  So, if he cannot calm down and be obedient when you try to to rein it in, that’s when you may want to start wondering why.  As you work on his habit of obedience, you’ll probably be more able to discern.  If he is able to be obedient in most things, but then seems to be out of control at certain times or with certain activities, then you’ll need to investigate the reasons.

As you have done in other areas, set firm guidelines as to which active and noisy activities are acceptable and when.  Let him know some reasons (safety, respect for others, etc.)  Let him know that when you say stop, he must stop.  You might even make a game of it, something along the lines of Simon Says or Red Light Green Light.  (On Green light he can run, jump, or whatever you instruct, and then on Red Light he must stop and be a statue.)  This will give practice in controlling his body and being obedient.

Have fun!  I think we’ll be playing Red Light Green Light with a few things around here too, now that I’ve thought of it.

Joanne