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Another book question….regarding library trips
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Now, I know a lot of this doesn’t necessarily apply to me, as at the moment I only have one four-year-old, and am just starting out on my homeschooling journey. But I have some questions related both to our age group and to those of you with older children (planning for the future!) that I would like to open if that is okay. My questions mainly have to do with library trips and self-directed reading/book choices.
1) I think the library should be a “wonderland” experience, and have always done my best to make it so for my son. I try to let him explore to his heart’s content, and make his own book choices (in addition to the ones on my list.) I always go with a list of high-quality picture books (award winners, classics, selections from Books Children Love, and so on.) I do NOT want to be too controlling with him, and want to encourage his ability to make independent choices. So while I am thrilled every time he brings me a book (and he does bring over some really goodones, quite often!), I am less than thrilled sometimes with the quality of some of them (definitely twaddle-ish board books, popular character books, etc.). But I can’t deny the shining look in his eyes when he asks me to read them to him. I have been reading a lot of the discussions on twaddle here on the boards….so I guess my question is, how closely do you all regulate your small children’s library experience? do you just make sure to expose them to plenty of the good stuff, and then read the other things as an encouragement to exploration? do you refuse to read or take home the “twaddle” so they won’t become accustomed to it? I’m curious. And if this is too nit-picky a question, please let me know.
2) And similarly for older children…since CM is heavily living-book based, there is obviously always a great deal of planned reading. And there are definitely books that you want your children to avoid for content reasons. How do you foster independent choice and adventure in your older children? Do you give them a list of books when you go to the library, from which they can choose? Do you allow them to pick whatever they want, and then check it afterwards? Or do some of you allow them to pick whatever then want period, assuming that their good instincts (developed from what you have already exposed them to) will guide them? (I know, for instance, that at the age of 12, I had been exposed primarily to classic literature, and gravitated toward it on my own…I don’t think I even thought of going to, say, the “young adult” section of the library. But every kid is not necessarily the same.)
3) And finally, at what age would you allow a child/teenager to become completely independent in their recreational reading choices?
Forgive the detail of these questions please: they may seem nitpicky to some, but I am new to this, and trying to get a feel for how things should go over the coming years. I do hope my questions/concerns are clear. Thanks in advance for your input.
I have to admit something here, so I am glad this came up. I have started to kind of limit our trips to the library as we are getting older because of some of these situations. And also, because we have several hundred good books to choose from at home. I find that we end up not using the library books after we get them because we are using our own books. =) Some of ours are still twaddley, but we are working them out. So I’d like to know what other people do as well.
I have noticed that my own reading tastes are evolving yet again – I spent a month soley preparing for our new school year, immersing myself in all the literature. I got done and thought ahhh, a book for myself. You know, the relaxing not making me think too much kind. I went to my favorite shelf of those, and I have not found one in a month that even interests me, so I am going to fill that shelf with better quality books! I thought that was interesting, because we always wonder if we have enough faith to take Charlotte’s claim that the kids won’t want twaddle. I guess since it worked on me by accident, it will work on the kiddos. Keep in mind that he is 4 – and he will outgrow twaddle.
(BTW, some good books to own for the next few years are listed on the Five in a Row series sites. Whether you choose to use the manuals or not, the book selections are excellent. They go from ages 4-12 or so).
This is what we have done and what has happened so far.
When they are little, I control the books to some degree. I don’t allow movie based books-I will allow books that a movie is based off of (like Charlotte’s Web) but not books that are based off a movie (like fern gully). I don’t allow comic strip books or illustrated classics (we read the “real” thing). I don’t allow evolution books (they can look at the pictures in dinosaur books but not read them as we are young earth creationist and I don’t want them exposed to evolution yet). I don’t allow “evil” books-witches, “spiritual” mumbo jumbo, etc. Most of the rest I will allow, at least to a certain extent. I do strongly encourage certain types of books and help them pick them out (being excited about the ones I know are non-twaddle, etc). Since they know that mommy usually picks out books they like, they are usually willing to go with what I suggest. But if not, I don’t push it.
If they bring the books to me that I don’t agree with, I give them a simple explanation about why we don’t read them and then find a book that I KNOW they will enjoy and read that to them.
I ALWAYS have lots of really good, non-twaddle, living literature/history/science books at home for them to pick up whenever they want. I also read lots of these books to them.
For our older ones, I guide their choices until they have shown me that they are starting to make wise choices. For us the wise choice making has been pretty consistent at about age 12. Since we’ve spent a lot of time talking about books, moral/immoral “things”, our beliefs/values, etc, they seem to have a good handle on these by 12. I do still keep an eye on their books and, occasionally, forbid one. I do still give them lists or mention good books to them and suggest authors that they’ll like. I’ve found that occasionally a “not okay” book will slip in but my boys will come and talk to me about it when they find something questionable. We then make a decision together on whether or not they should continue or get rid of the book. I’ve been pleased with how they are handling this so far.
As far as when I’d let them be 100% independent in their choices, I can’t really say. I feel like they are almost there at this point (ages 13 and 14) but I don’t know for sure.
HTH, Rebecca
I had similar concerns about library trips not too long ago – concerns about dd5 choosing twaddle for herself, even though I wanted to encourage her to make good book choices. Someone here suggested that when their child brings home a twaddle book from the library, they will only read it once to the child, which I found good advice. When we are otherwise getting a steady diet of good literature, and comparatively very small amounts of twaddle, one book here and there isn’t going to hurt much. I’ve actually found that sometimes we bring a twaddle book home from the library and and put it into our book basket and then NO ONE asks for it at all. While my kids are still too young to see the fruit, I’m trusting the advice of others more experienced than I that a steady diet of good literature when they are younger will influence their tastes and help them to gravitate towards good things on their own as they grow older.
When she does pick up something that I would consider inappropriate completely – books based off movies/cartoons that I wouldn’t allow her to watch or other thematic things – I ask her to put it back and choose something different. I also try to explain to her WHY I’m asking her to put it back (I was raised in a home where a lot of media things weren’t allowed, but my parents never really discussed WHY with me – it was “just not what good Christian people did” – and I had to learn some things the hard way when I left home. Hoping to avoid that with our kids.) But if it’s just sort of silly, I’ll usually let her take it anyhow. As I said before, sometimes she doesn’t even ask for it at all once we get it home. Now that she is starting to read on her own, I am directing her towards the easy reader books to choose 1 or 2 for herself, and she also likes to choose a couple board books to bring home for her younger brother and sister (2-1/2 and 1), and I primarily pick out the “literature” read-aloud kind of books.
I can’t really address your other 2 questions, as we haven’t gotten that far yet. I sort of think that it would depend a lot on the child when you would allow them complete freedom in their recreational reading choices – I think I would base it more on the sort of judgement I had observed in that child, and also their openness in talking about what they had read with me (so I would feel comfortable that they would come to me to discuss it if something inappropriate did come up in something they read.) But, we aren’t there yet, so perhaps someone else with older children will chime in on how they handle that.
HTH,
Jen
Thanks all for reading and replying. I think I am getting a bit of a feel for how others do this or plan to do it.
@Sheraz–Thank you for the 5 in a Row recommendation! It looks very helpful, and the suggestions will go to my master list.
@6boys1girl–What a wonderful first paragraph describing how you work with your little ones on book selections. I think what you are talking about is exactly what I want to achieve, but wasn’t sure how to verbalize…the encouragement and gentle coaching, with freedom to make choices within boundaries. Thank you.
Also, I have to say, I paused over your screen name…because I come from a family of 6 girls and 1 boy! 🙂 It is definitely an interesting dynamic.
@MamaSnow–It sounds like you have really thought through how you work with your little one. I love the idea of letting her pick (mostly) what she likes, but only reading the twaddle once, and leaning towards the good stuff in a natural, non-controlling way….respecting her choices but helping her naturally to make better and better ones.
I also am 100% on board with your comments regarding explaining your decisions to her. I feel very strongly about this too; I was raised in a rigidly conservative Christian home, and while I do find myself making many of the same decisions now for my son, I disagree wholeheartedly with the “don’t ask questions, it’s what Christians do” principle that was driven into me growing up. I think it is VERY important that children, from the youngest age possible, DO ask questions and understand why we make certain choices. Otherwise, if we teach them strictly through rote vs. reason, they will not have the basis to make good choices themselves.
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