Adoption

CSMAMA – adoption is something that my husband and I have planned on, but so far have not been in the position to do.  I am starting to think it won’t be a reality for us, but as many have said God has a plan and what he wants will happen.

If finances are the problem, do not be afraid to tell your church and extended family and friends of your plans and your needs.  There are many out there willing to help out.  So many people help with short term mission trips, but an adoption is life-long mission to raise a child for the Lord.

Speak to a lawyer about what is involved in private adoptions.  Then write up a bio about your family and what you can/want to provide for a child and take it to the OB’s/midwives/family doctors in your town.  I know a family who has adopted in this way.

Keep doing your research and planning.  The more you have together now, the quicker it will go when the finances are all in place.

God Bless you in your plans and your mission.  Be praying for the child now and for the birth parent, that all will be done for the child’s best interest before you become the parents.

Kainklan – I just sent you a PM due to the length of what my comment would have been (LOL).  Love that someone opened this topic up due to the fact that we are praying over this right now!  God knows what He is doing, doesn’t he?  🙂

I’ve really enjoyed reading this “discussion”. It’s also a timely one, as my husband and I recently decided we are going to begin the process of becoming foster parents.  We will be attending our first informational meeting next month.  We live in NY and would love to know if anyone has experience with the foster system here.  I also have a question.  At this point, my husband says he would only be interested in having LITTLE children (two and under is what he has in mind) in our home as foster children, at least until we get used to the whole thing.  I asked the social worker I spoke with yesterday if it is acceptable to specify age groups when accepting foster children and she said yes.  I didn’t tell her just how specific we would be as far as age goes though.  I guess I didn’t want them to be uspet with us, I don’t know.  I wonder if our refusing older children will be a problem.  I will admit that deep down I am hoping and praying there will be a little one out there who will need a permanent home and we will be given the opportunity to adopt.  However, I’m also worried that by limiting the ages we will accept we will end up having few, if any, children coming in to our home.  We live in a very rural area and I have no idea what to expect as far as the frequency of calls we should expect.  I am soooooo excited about this whole thing and would love to hear more stories, advice, info – whatever.  Thanks.

To Simplicity

Where in NY are you? We did our foster /adoptive care while living in NY state.. and also very rural. We also were very specific about our ages as well. the reason being is that because we homeschooled, if the children we got were school age and above, dealing with the school would of been one more entity we would of had to deal with and that was more than we wanted. So our ages were newborn to 4… We did not specify gender as we have always accepted the gender God gives us… but age was an issue… And even if you begin as foster and want to eventually adopt the child if they are freed, that is a process and you wouldn’t be able to homeschool them if they were school age until adoption is done…

I would suggest you having specifics and guidelines of what you will be comfortable with. they can be desperate and overload people with more than they bargained (so to speak) for and then you can get into sticky situations and we forget it is the child that is at stake here.

As it turned out 2 of our adoptions through the foster system were newborns, one 5 wks old, and the other right from the maternity hospital… (you’d be surprised how many parents don’t want the bother of newborns..)

Ok, now we are right over the NY border and in PA.. our adopted children are now 27, 22, 14 and 7… Feel free to ask more questions…

KK

KK,

Wow! I’m so excited that we’re both in NY!  However, we are waaaaaay north.  About 40 miles from the Canada border.  We also homeschool and have been told we cannot homeschool any foster children and that is one of the main reasons we would only be accepting younger children.  It gives me goosebumps to think of how you’ve been able to accept such tiny little ones into your home and eventually adopt them.  Though I can imagine it can be a series of ups and downs along the way, this would be a dream come true for us!  You mentioned earlier that you were an “adoption only” home.  How does that work?  Last fall I spoke to a social worker when we were just toying with this idea and when I mentioned that we were really most interested in adoptable kids and asked if it were possible to make that stipulation, she (rather abruptly) said “No, foster care doesn’t work that way.” 🙁 I have a couple more questions, if that’s okay.  Are the foster parents expected to pay for clothing, medical care, etc.?  I don’t have a problem with this, it’s just something I would like to know and be able to plan for.  Also, how often does a social worker come to your home to check on things?  Have they been accepting of your homeschooling?  What would you say has been the hardest part of being a foster parent?  Thanks so much for taking the time to share some insight with a total stranger.  What a blessing to be able to “talk” with such a wide group of people on this board!

csmamma and simplicity  (answering your questions) and not intending to exclude anyone else who is interested

We have 3 biological children (ages 39-30) when our youngest was 15, we fostered a 5 wk old (who we were told was probably going to be an adoption)  FYI they have to be guarded what they say as the goal is usually returning a child, but there are very many cases that that can’t happen. then 3 mos later we found out the baby had 2 full blooded siblings that were in foster care for 3 1/2 yrs, only 45 mins. from us. they were 8 and 12. They got freed for adoption and their foster parents were not interested in adopting. so being courts etc like to keep siblings (esp. full blooded) together, we were asked. After a few mos of mtg with them and having stay overs etc. and prayer, we did take them. (but the actual adoptiong still didn’t happen for another year :long story but birth parents kept litigating the case  and this was a highly publicized case , there most difficult one) So first year I did have them attend p.s. because it was a full plate for us, and baby still had parental visits, which I had to do 2x week 45 mins away as we lived rural… Eventually their rights were also terminated for baby…and we did adopt, but she was 2 1/2 yrs old… long pregnancy eh? With the older 2 after the first year and the strain of the school officials besides case workers we said we were going to homeschool and they agreed, mostly because they had met our children. and saw that we were committed etc… but we were their first case of permission… so being the children were with us a year at that point and were placed specifically for adoption as the parental rights had been terminated at that point it seemed a moot point to them ( you will learn all this terminology as you go . ) 

We had a 3 placements that the children were supposed to be permanent and then a relative (and they have first priority) came forward and yes even after they had initially said no, but had a change of mind, these different 3 left us. Our hearts were broken but we knew God is a father to the fatherless, so we had to just accept it probably like someone who has a miscarriage etc… But we always knew there was 1 more out there for our home. And 7 yrs later and we were in our 50’s at that time. We got the call to go right to hospital and pick up a 2 day old. crack baby… He is now 7 , some issues, we have been challenged the most with him but when we asked God for a verse to sustain us He gave us  Ps.113 vs. 9 He maketh the barren woman (that was me) a keeper at home and a joyful mother of children… Praise the Lord.. We have had to stand on that  through much that space here doesn’t permit me to go into. But, here we are and just last night He asked Jesus to be His Savior… God has had a plan for him and part of that plan was for us as his parents. No we no longer are taking in children , we are both in our 60’s and our caboose has had so many challenges to overcome.

Going this route is not easy, but if God is leading, you will want to be obedient to His calling…  We personally feel God has a good sense of humor and almost changed our names to Abraham and Sarah and named him Isaac… almost…

HTH

Kk

To Simplicity

the answer is yes and no. Do not hesitate to politely say that something is more than is even possible for you to do… Such as your 3 ounger children …

with one of our babies, we were going into that city 1x week for music lessons, so it wasn’t an issue for us. and the other day (as the visits were 2x week) we just did it… (but this baby was our youngest child, next child was 8 yrs old) However when it conflicted with our schedule DSS did help with the transporting… With our youngest one who had to have lots of early intervention services provided at our home for children under 3. DSS did all the transporting. because I said it was too much for us… I wouldn’t lay out all my cards so to speak until you get an actual placement and see what the situation is.. Just one more thing, in reading your children’s ages, I am thinking they might not consider you for a while for a placement. But that is just my thought.. They may be thinking , heck they have their hands full with the children they already have… Just something to think about…

HTH

KK