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ADD
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I know we homeschooling Mom’s do not like to “label” our children and I have tried to avoid this for a long time. However, I’m becoming very discouraged about the road I’ve taken with my son. He was “diagnosed” by a dr. when he was 8. We took him out of ps when he was 7 and have been homeschooling since. He is now 15. He did go to ps again for one semester 2 years ago due to some health issues I was having. I got numerous questions about him having ADD and them wanting him to be tested even tho I said nothing to them about it before they asked.
We have tried meds off and on for short periods of time the last 7 years. But the negative side effects always out weighed any positives we may have seen (which weren’t many). However, here he is, 15 yo, supposed to be going into 10th grade and isn’t even working at an 8th grade level. I know that with homeschooling grade levels aren’t supposed to matter and they haven’t until recently. I mean, he’s 15, I feel like he’s running out of time. He would like to go to college.
He has decided he would like to try meds again. And honestly I don’t see how to help him anyother way. So we went to the dr yesterday. He was nice and listened, etc. but he said a few times how if he was “in school” he would feel the peer pressure of the other kids doing their work and the consequences for not doing it. And how it would be quiet during work time and that he would have the teacher over his shoulder to keep him on task and for help.
I left feeling awful. Awful for homeschooling, for having a larger family, for not being able to magically help him focus, for not having a quiet house, for all these things I have absolutely no control over and cannot change.
Does anyone here have any advice for helping my son? TIA!
I guess a few things come to mind. First, your son can find quiet spaces or times (look up noise reducing headphones/earmuffs on Amazon, he’ll have a quiet space anywhere he goes). My oldest got up early for a while when she was struggling with math so she could do it before the noise of the day began with all her little siblings. When math got easier she stopped getting up early.
Also, in REAL LIFE he’s going to have to learn how to deal with distractions and distracting environments. Your home is a better preparation for that because he is right in the middle of a family instead of sequestered in a classroom to work. Many job environments (most?) have distractions, not silence.
Choosing to medicate or not is something I won’t address, that’s a very personal decision. However seek out ideas and tricks for him to try to help him study, work, and learn in the real life environment he is in. There are probably a hundred ideas and only some will be a good fit for him. The noise cancelling headphones, for example, may be great for him or drive him batty. Working in a quiet space (a half bath or tucked away room or corner) for the subjects he really needs to focus on might help. Working at different times of day may help. Having a visual wall to block out things that could catch his eye may help (a trifold board?). Set up his order of school work to vary which part of the brain he’s using (read, write, move, draw, listen, etc).
Hi, Nina. I’m so sorry for what you are going through, this sounds difficult. I have heard Carol Barnier speak at a few homeschool conventions on this topic. She is a fantastic and entertaining speaker. She has a website I will post called sizzle bop…where the highly distractable are celebrated, encouraged and empowered. She has a lot of great specifics of things you can do to help home educate a “highly distractable” child. If you can listen to any of her talks I really recommend them.
I hope this helps. I saw she has a section for teaching tips
All great ideas from Tristan. And if your son is included in organizing his quiet space he’ll realize he has the tools/ability to do that for himself in any other environment. That’s a great boost for his confidence! It may involve a lot of trial and error so be patient with yourself. You can also google some keywords like “quiet sensory spaces” or “quiet ADD spaces”…and they may help with other ideas to consider.
Having a daughter with special needs and 3 siblings, I have similar feelings about not being able to get to all of them. How exciting that you can teach your son at home. It very well could be the opposite situation than the doc described….bullying your son, failing behind and suffering self-esteem. He’s out of line so disregard his comments.
I agree with mrsmccardell about disregarding the dr.’s personal advice about schooling. He is trained in medicine and to give medical council. Unless he was trained in educating children with ADD, then everything that he said was simply HIS OPINION. Everyone has an opinion and you are not required to pay them any heed. You know your son more intimately, on every level, than this dr. does.
There are many sources of information out there that can help you with this. You can do the research and prayerfully decide what to do to help your son in the best way possible.
Don’t be discouraged! You can do this!
Also, I have actually never heard of public schools being EASIER places for kids with ADD. I have known a few families with ADD kids in schools and they have had mostly hardships with the combination of ps and ADD. So, I’m not sure what the basis of that Dr.’s opinion was, but it certainly differs from any info I have ever been given on this topic.
I have an ADHD-combined in college, and an ADHD-hyperactive at home. I also have an ADHD dh, and another child who likely is ADHD -inattentive as recognized during educational testing last month. I was so focused on the can’t-be-missed ADHD-hyperactive that I really did miss the ADHD-inattentive (which used to be called ADD?). I don’t ADHD and I also have 1 grown son who doesn’t have ADHD.
Distraction free environment for learning is essential, not optional. Distraction free from all distractions, not just sounds.
My college age child, who lives at home, has a study room that other people are not allowed in when studying. Being formally diagnosed, she has accommodations in college. She gets time and half on tests in a distraction free environment, preferential seating, copy of class overheads, and a copy of class notes. With accommodations she makes A’s and without them she makes C’s (or worse). During her time on medications, she was able to recognize her distractibility and develop ways to work around them. She is not on medication at this time by her choice. At university, she also has access to the Student Success Center, which has an academic coach to help her organize work, break down assignments, etc. This center will actually allow the student to touch base daily to help them with these types of skills.
My ADHD-hyperactive kid at home is on meds by my choice. Initially, I placed her on medication so that we would get an accurate picture of her educational needs during testing last month with a plan to take her off afterwards. With the right medication, I have my child only better. Now that she is on medications, neither one of us want her off. She says that day without medication is a wasted day since she cannot follow through with anything. Accommodations that were recommended after her educational evaluation relating to ADHD were that she would have preferential seating (not applicable in hsing) , repeating instructions to make sure she understands what needs to be done, providing reminders to use strategies that have been taught for specific tasks, reteaching if fails to grasp a new concept. redirecting when off tasks, breaking assignments into manageable parts and providing feedback as completes each component, allow for small breaks,and testing in a distraction free environment.
DH was on medication for 3 years during his elementary years. Does not take medication now, but needs a distraction-free environment when learning something new.
Medication does not have to be a long-term option. Medication combined with behavior management strategies will produce long-term results. Be willing to change medication and dosing if the first choice doesn’t work. There are a lot of different medication options and finding the right one may take time.
Book recommendations given to me were
Taking Charge of ADHD: The complete autrhoritative guide for parents by Barkley, and The ADHD Book of Lists by Rief among many others. There are books on ADD written for teenagers, but I haven’t read any of them.
I’m sorry you had a bummer of an appointment with a MD that doesn’t understand homeschooling. I’ve had a few of those myself.
btw – my grandson has ADD/ADHD and is in PS – and I believe that school tends to be a nightmare for him, where he is always in trouble.
My step-son also has ADD/ADHD and was on meds. My understanding is that he spent most of his school time wandering around the halls, as it was easier on the teachers.
So I am generally NOT of the opinion that PS is a good environment for ADD or ADHD students.
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