5yo wants me ALL the time

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  • October 16, 2013 at 1:52 pm
    lauraz76
    Participant

    I’m about to lose my mind.  I have a 5yo DD and (almost) 1yo DS.  DD5 has always been very needy of my time and attention, but it obviously has gotten worse since DS was born.  She wants me to pay attention to her, play with her, etc, ALL. the. time.  From the time she’s up at 6:30 and wants to snuggle, until she wants me to put her to bed singing her a song at night.  It’s constant “mommy watch me, mommy come play with me, wanna play, wanna play, wanna play, I can’t play by myself….”.  

    I used to set a timer, which I’m doing as I type this.  That helped a little.  But as soon as the timer is done – she’s back to needing my every second of attention.  It’s constant and is driving me crazy.  And today, she fought the little bit of school I tried to do.  There’s no “gentle 10 minute lesson”.  It was a “fighting for 10 seconds” lesson.  Sadly, I’ve already told her what would happened if she went to school, and threatened to send her there.  I’m not proud of it.    

    I feel like all I do is say “no.  Not now.  Go play by yourself.  I don’t have time.  I have things to do.  No.  No.  No.  not now.”.  What if this is her love language and I’m destroying her heart and spirit?   

    How much time and attention should I expect to give her at this stage?  What IS normal?   

    Please help before I put her on the big yellow bus tomorrow morning….

    October 16, 2013 at 2:17 pm
    Tristan
    Participant

    First, she’s 5. School should be playing and spending time outside, not any formal lessons. Relax. Turn on music and dance. Bake and cook together. Pull out playdoh. Include her in your housework.

    If her love language is spending time together or touch then maybe you need to get ahead of her and offer it instead of her needing to ask for it all the time? I know that is not easy to do. But once you have then it is very reasonable to have her play on her own for a bit or help you in what you need to do. So snuggle up, read a story, and play for a few minutes with her. Then tell her it’s time for mommy to do XYZ and she can help or she can play with ____. Then go do your task with or without her help.

    What sort of things do you need to do all the time without her? (Every family is different, which is why I’m asking.) Another example: I can’t let my kids help me write out/pay the bills. So what I do if they want me is hand over an envelope, paper, and pen and they work beside me.

    What is normal amounts of time/attention to give her? I don’t know. Each family is different. Mine have built in playmates galore (8 kids) so I have the opposite problem, having to beg for their attention some days…LOL.

    October 16, 2013 at 6:47 pm
    TailorMade
    Participant

    I’d start with chore training. Gives her time with you and plenty for her to learn to do that will eventually be done on her own without your help.

    Hug her and remind her your with her if you’re doing something that absolutely requires you to complete it on your own.

    October 16, 2013 at 9:14 pm
    gcbsmommy
    Participant

    I would take advantage of her snuggle-needs by having you cuddle on the couch and read her some good books! Maybe you can sneak in some phonics as you read the story to her – just casually asking her questions or explaining to her once in a while about the sounds certain letters in the story make. I would ask her to help you with things she can do like folding bath towels, rolling socks, and putting away her clothes. I would do math with her by having her help you measure ingredients to bake a batch of cookies…

    I know how draining it can be to have a high-needs child. I pray the Lord will give you much grace and patience and that she will respond positively to the boundaries you set for her as she grows in maturity.

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