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5 yr old being very combative
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My 5 yr old (almost 6) son is being very combative lately. I adopted him at 13 mths from Russia and he has been combative most of his life (but worse recently) although we do have some good periods. We have dealt w/ sensory issues, etc. However, last year, I really struggled w/ him and home schooling due his combative behaviors in the morning. He did well in a private 2-day a week k4 program last year and is doing well w/ the same program in k5 this year. I am a single mom and have to work and most of the time, his combativeness is directed at me. I can’t get him to tell me what is wrong. He hates that I go to work but I don’t have a choice and I have reduced my work load as much as I can. I only work 4 days a week. Other than going to church, taking him to karate, etc, I never spend any time away from him. I am with him all the time when I am not at work (except at church when he is in his class and I am in big church). It is getting to the point that I may have to stop home schooling and enroll him in public school because school simply isn’t getting done due to his behavior.
Any suggestions? Thoughts? Recommendations? We have done various therapies in the past but no lasting benefits. His IQ is in the 97% and so he is very bright but he has to be educated and right now, it doesn’t seem to working for him. I need to home school in the morning because that works best w/ my schedule but we are making no progress. He disobeys me at every single turn and I spend all of my time disciplining him. Nothing is easy w/ him and I am really getting worn out emotionally.
Stopping school isn’t an option. He is required by law to attend school and/or home school.
I would appreciate prayers/advice.
((((Rhonda)))) Little kids from hard places can be so challenging to try to parent.
My 2 youngest kids are adopted from foster care, so while the details are different many of the challenges are similar. I have seen very little benefit from formal therapy but quite a bit of success with http://empoweredtoconnect.org/ It isnt perfect around here by any means, but it is improving. The idea is that in order to help the child attach, you need to have both nurture and structure applied at the right time/way so the child feesl safe. The neglect/abuse as infants has changed the wiring in their brains so that remaining in control (ie disobeying, combative) appears to them to be the only way to survive and be safe. You have to parent them back on that infant level and try to meet those needs for comfort and safety that were not met as an infant to try to repair or re-work the brain wiring. Have the therapies you have tried addressed any of these issues, or has it been behavior focused?
Depending on what state you are in, you may be able to officially continue school but back off for a while and only do things your son doesn’t see as a battle while you work on the relational elements. I know I will have to be creative with my youngest next year when he needs to start school. K can be very simple and still meet the requirements.
Other than that, my advice would be to make sure you are taking care of Mama. When you have to give give give at such a high level all the time, it takes a lot out of you. Make sure your tank is full so that you have what it takes to reach him, and give again.
Please feel free to PM any time and we can talk more. Its a hard road when walked alone, but it doesn’t have to be!
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