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1st born issues?
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I will try and explain the situation best I can. But I will 1st state a few things. I am very happy we have a large family it has been in my hear for years. I am an only child (no prior experience here) and my dh is the only boy with one sister who was 4 yrs older (also not a lot of help w/ previous experience). Ok.. so here it goes…
My 1st born Keegan has all the typical 1st born norms to me:very quick learner, sets his mind to things, can accomplish anything he wants, born leader, etc. etc.
My second son is only 15 mo. younger and FINALLY has something that interests him and his personal decision. So we have been helping him learn, and find out more about his new love of ducks (as a pet).
So the problem. My 1st born is very I don’t even know if he’s angry, jelous, selfish or what but when we talk (which we’ve done many times lately) he always says that he’s upset because Darby gets to go to “deer camp” this year with him and dad. That’s his time, now he has to share it. One minute it’s that the next he thinks he needs a Beagle dog (we have 2 dogs and are NOT getting another one).
Ask questions and I’ll try and answer or any advice on how to handle would be great. Sorry short have to go quicker than thought.
misty
The joys of multiple children (I mean that both in a good way and in the “struggles that come with it way”), esp those close in age and the same gender. My first two are also boys and are 12 months apart and we’ve dealt with stuff like this before.
My take is that the oldest is feeling a bit left out. He is probably used to being the one noticed, the one that gets to do things first, etc and now the younger brother (close in age which can increase the competition) is stepping up and getting some attention and some special stuff.
He’s mentioning deer camp (his special thing with dad) and wanting a beagle (something like the duck brother is getting). Sounds like he’s trying to find out where he fits.
My advice is two part: First, help him see how it must feel to be the younger brother that has to wait for things, etc. Second, help him find something that is acceptable that can be special for him (a different pet, a collection, a new hobby, something) so he can feel like he has something too.
HTH, Rebecca
Are there some areas that you could give you eldest some authority? I’m not sure what ages they are so I’ll just toss out a couple/few of examples. One would be authority over the mail, his room (or a portion thereof), some part of his school work, a piece of the garden, etc. Have you had an opportunity to train him in servant leadership? That is how Jesus led. Would he be of age to understand the missionary field that he has in his brother?
If Dad says that they are both going to deer camp, then go they should. Sometimes children just need to experience things before they can realize that having little brother along was not the horror he expected. Perhaps your husband would feel led to allow something else that is specific to your son. However, artificially setting up opportunities for our children to expect the best for themselves is a dangerous trap for us parents (experience speaking here!).
Blessings,
Cindy
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