12 yo's messy room

My just turned 12 daughter is a collector of things (paper,  craft supplies, letters, cards, toys…) It is her, but not me. I am a minimalist by nature so her room makes me nuts, haha.

What we have found works is she has shoe boxes on shelves. Shoe box for letters, papers, craft supplies… when those boxes get full, time to sort and toss (or give away). The shelves also help because it limits space, so she can only keep so much when new things come into her room. I sort with her, we sit down together talk about items, why she wants to keep (the value of each) and over time, and practice, she is getting good at it and it is no longer a stressful experience. She now gladly gives thingd away and no longer feels the need to keep every little piece of paper with a note on it. We do it every couple of months.

Now my brother growing up just would not put things away, even his closthes. It got to the point he had very little in his room, he did not care as he was not a collector or toy kid, and the only solution he would do was a basket for clean clothes and a basket for dirty. He rarely used his drawers but his odd system worked for him and his room was not messy any more. My mom let it go at that and no longer nagged, haha.

My daughters room will always be “messy” to me but over all she is pretty tidy and her system works so that she feels in control and I don’t feel overwhelmed by the stuff. She is also learning life skills of not keeping everything but keeping what is used and some special things, but not everything is special 🙂 Also the gift of giving to others who will appreciate and use the items.

We have way too much stuff in our hoise and it drives me bonkers and gets clittered way too fast. I cannot think straight in clutter and disorganization so I keep a handle on it in the commintiy parts of the house. The kids are expected to pick up their stuff daily and keep flat surfaces neat and tidy in the main parts of our home. Their bedrooms are a little different. I try to give them space to keep their personal areas the way they like, but I cannot function in complete chaos so we compromise. My boys are lazy slobs when it comes to their room so for them I demand a picked up floor and relatively tidy shelving. When I walk by and look in their door I want do be decieved into thinking the room is clean. I do NOT under ANY circumstances open up closets or drawers in their room, for my own safety. Two or three times a year they begin complaining their stuff doesnt fit, because their storage is out of control with papers, trash etc, and they shove instead of clean. Thats when I help them purge and organize.

My 11 year old daughter on the other hand is a collector. And has drawings, rocks, trinkets, all kinds of “collections”. And she is a bit ocd about people touching her stuff. We made an agreement long ago that she could collect stuff as long as it was tidy. I supply her with boxes, bins, files, shelves – whatever she needs to stay tidy. And it has to fit in the allotted space with no “double parking” (only one thing deep lining the walls). She is required to purge 2-3 times a year as well, but I dont interfere with her system. I help when she asks, but it is her responsibility. I agreed to not make organizing or purging choices for her as long as she did it herself. She is good with that because she doesnt want me touching her stuff. This is my child who if I throw a way a note she will come to ke six months later looking for it, and know exactly where she left it. She cares about her things so I allow her to manage her own stuff, with guidelines. My boys would never miss a toy so I throw their stuff away all the time and it doesnt bother them.

One tip I have, my dd finds it much easier to give her things to special people when we purge, it makes it easier than giving to strangers or the garbage. I just explain to moms that it makes her feel better but they can toss it out as soon as they get home.