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what do you do when you are discouraged?
- This topic has 9 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 5 months ago by
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I believe God has called us to homeschool. I do not believe He has called us out of it yet. So, I continue. But, I am discouraged. I used to enjoy homeschooling. I do not anymore.
My oldest was the most enthusiastic and he is now graduated and in college. He got it. He was a team player and he put in the effort. He found joy in learning. He contributed to the atmosphere of home. My youngest-age 9- is showing signs of being this way as well. Thank God.
However, I have two girls – almost 17 and 13. The 17 year old has never been enthusiastic no matter what we have done. She drags the day along at a snails pace. She is messy, disorganized, careless. Well, not about things that are important to her- like ballet. Just what is important to me. She is in no way a positive person. She is difficult to please and extremely inward focused. She is a drain. I know this sounds harsh. I love her. She is my daughter. But, she is very difficult to live with. I secretly long for the day that she will move out and be away from home. Sad, I know.
The 13 year old used to be more positive and plugged in. She used to have a heart for family. Now all she does is complain. She doesn’t like anything but science, she doesn’t even want to go to our weekly Community Bible Study anymore. She is the one who now says she wants to go to school next year. She is not as good at managing her time or room anymore. She does her school work, but complains about it. She spends a great deal of time now with the 17 year old as they are now in the same level for ballet and on the same schedule. I do feel that some of the attitude has rubbed off on her. Some of it is likely hormones.
I get up in the mornings already dreading it. There is no real effort on their parts to do the basics of bed making and chores on time, or to finish breakfast on time to do morning meetings. That is not happening much now. They are not finishing all of their work on time. There was a time when I would have taken this very seriously and had a huge reset with consequences, etc… and demanded that they get it together.
Now, I don’t even care. I am so tired of feeling that all of my effort and sacrifice is for nothing. I am tired of being the one with the whip and bull horn making them do things. I’m tired of being Julie the Cruise Director. I am tired of living day to day at home with a group of girls who do not care for all that I have provided and done and put no effort into this. I have become the complaint department and the “I need you to buy me this” lady.
I am tired. I thought that by now they would have taken ownership of their own attitudes, learning, home life contributions, etc… That was the goal. I spent so much time and energy investing into their lives early on setting up habits and mindsets, obedience and heart issues. We really did the investment and foundation work. It was a different world at home when they were all younger. Now, it is not what we built at all. I don’t like the teenage years at all. And I feel as if it was all for naught.
Have you all ever felt this way? What did you do to move past it?
I’m with you on some of that. I have two that want to go back to their Christian school next year. However, my husband and I are at peace that homeschooling is what we are to do. Some days I feel like Moses trying to lead a group of ungrateful, complaining people through the wilderness. No easy answers. I have to remind myself that I’m the adult. I continue to pray that my girls will embrace the benefits of this path. This post was helpful. https://simplycharlottemason.com/blog/pilgrim-parent-three-shrines/
Praying for you.
This might sound strange, but when I read your post this morning I felt like I should offer you something. Off and on, I have considered how I could help and encourage other homeschoolers. One thing I’ve thought of is personal “coaching” for lack of a better term. I haven’t decided exactly how to do this, but when I read your post, I felt like asking if you’d like to try it. I know you lead a homeschool group and like to help others too, so maybe it doesn’t sound too strange to you.
I’m not selling anything or promoting any curriculum or anything like that at all. I think I’d probably have some questions for you (through email) and then we’d do a video chat or two.
If you want, you can click on my profile and see what kind of comments I’ve put here. I’ve been homeschooling 18 years and my kids are 23 (at college, married with a baby), 18 (senior, not easy to live with in the past), 15 (9th grade), and 14 (8th grade).
If you think you might want to try it, you can email me at thatfamily867@gmail.comBut in the meantime, it sounds like you need more things to enjoy together. It’s nice to take some time where we aren’t trying to get work done and just do something that makes us laugh together. Also, it might be fun for you to write a couple things you love about each of your kids and something they’re really good at. Maybe go beyond the “talent” type of things and think of some desirable quality that they have. Like “she’s good at listening to her friends,” or something like that.
Let me know if you want to try the coaching thing. I really do hope you feel better!Benita,
I have often also felt like throwing in the towel and this year has been the worst for me. I have a daughter that is 11 and is slow, can’t for the life of her memorize her math facts ( multiplication) but can memorize a whole play. I am beyond frustrated as well. I do feel we were called to home school and I know there will be tough days but sometimes it hard to see through the toughest ones.
Art,
what a wonderful thing your are doing for fellow home school moms. Keep up the encouraging words. I may take you up on it as well. We have 5 kids. One that is 21 did college is now married, a 18 senior, 14 yr 8th, 11 yr 5th, and 8yr 2nd grade. plus we foster 2 kids ages 2, and 3.
jrs5kids,
I also have an 11 year old that struggles to memorize multiplication facts. Please share if you have any methods that help in the future.
jrs5kids, feel free to take me up on it.
When my oldest was memorizing multiplication facts, we marched in circles clapping and saying them in rhythm. It helped him a lot. With my younger kids, we put numbers on little squares and put them in a big circle. Each of us stood by a number and I said which number we’d be multiplying by as we moved around the circle. Then we each said the answer to the number I gave times the number we stood by. I think the marching and clapping was more effective.
Benita, I hope you’re having a refreshing weekend.
I HOPE I CAN HELP ?
My 13 year old is showing the same signs. After a lot of prayer, I realized she needed more one on one mom time. So I made a point to take her with me to the grocery store every week and go to lunch together and talk about personal things. I know I am picking her out of my other 4children and it doesn’t seem fair, but I felt it was needed. Also , we started a devotion time just me and her. I also daily gave her 2 extra compliments. It’s been 3weeks doing this
My mother n law came over the other day and made a comment to me to the side, saying how much of a better difference she say in my daughter.
Ask God to show you what you can do. Sometimes it’s not school but lack of attention or self esteem in a child. Sometimes it’s lack of purpose if life. Maybe she feels depressed and doesn’t know why. Touch her head or shoulder when you pray over her and she will feel that the prayer is REALLY meant for her. Also, give her an extra hour a day just you and her with school and help her even if she doesn’t need it. Or read her science or history to her. Even though she’s older. It’s the little things that make a difference. Then watch the calendar and see if you notice a difference in a few weeks.
I don’t have anything to offer. I’m at the beginning of the road and find it frightening that I have the same issues with my 9 year old daughter that you have with your oldest daughter. My boys are a breeze and my girls make want to go insane. It may be a boy/girl-mom thing.
For those struggling with multiplication above, have you tried TimesTales? It’s a story form of the hard multiplication facts.
I too am struggling with bad attitude and really lazy attitudes with my 11 and 9 year old daughters. It isn’t helped by my wild and crazy 2 year old and whiny 5 year old and it feels so impossible this year. Just like you I too feel overwhelmed but still feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing.
Just today I have said the TV is going in the basement screen time is no longer something that you have but can lose by bad attitude but is something that will need to be earned completely. I think we are going to come up with some simple rewards for hard work that they can work toward like pizza night, ice cream sundae night, etc…. I don’t reward for correct answers but for diligence and attitude toward work.
As for the multiplication facts questions my 11 year old daughter who cannot memorize anything either struggled so much with multiplication and Times Tales is what worked for her. The 9 year old also struggles with multiplication and still even after Times Tales does but it has made her a lot better. We also use Reflex Math, a computer game for practicing that they love doing.
Benita, I am with you, the whining and complaining are my undoing.
I know this sounds drastic,but I would and do just this with my children. My children get errands or jobs if they complain. They and I are expected to do all that’s asked of us with a happy, cheerful heart.
The chores add up if it continues and their father has a talk with them over this. Also, no more extras, pizza on Fridays, movies at the theater and dance lessons.
I take my children to the nursing home to hand out cards and we stay and talk with them on a monthly basis. We recite poems, we take our fiddles, let the girls do a dance skit. I take the focus off themselves and put it on the hurting/poor. Selfishness breeds selfishness. I’ll ask God to give you guidance and wisdom in this.
Also, I have been reading outloud to all, 101 devotions for Homeschool Moms by Jackie Wellwood, so my children hear the inner workings of a homeschool moms heart and mind. Our kiddos know when to expect a short fuse from me, a sarcastic rolll of the eyes from me. I’m not perfect like them.
I have a ds 20 (still at home with full-time job and self employed firewood and beef cow business), ds 15, dd10 and ds 7 and they work hard manually and mentally.
My ds, 15, is in charge of carrying and paying when he is out with me, like errands. I give him the money to carry in his wallet and he is the mini man. He’s responsible for the car keys, opening doors, carrying the heaviest things, hooking up carseats for our babysitting children and making sure all have water bottles when traveling and at home during the day. Each child, except the oldest, has very detailed expectations. My oldest 2 boys have both worked out since 10, whether in the barn or helping the neighbor with odd jobs. I feel that a mentor/apprenticeship or a job might be good medicine.Be very cautious, I allowed my oldest son to salmon fish with our neighbor throughout the season and they listened to only secular music in the car and he smoked with dd,20, in the car and I didn’t notice as he did his own laundry and went right to the barn after fishing. He now only listens to secular music, he doesn’t smoke. But, that influence can’t be undone.
I also tell my spouse and parents, when they see good happening in our house to admit it, so then we can give God the credit and be encouraged in the meantime.
The very devotion today from homeschool devotions reads. “God wants us to rely solely on Him for our provision. If you feel like you can’t handle what is before you, that’s good. Our flesh is too weak to do what God desires for us. Only when we reach for His grace do we have what it takes to get the job done.” #12, pg. 35. Have your daughter read this outloud twice at breakfast and then pray together the prayer that is offered.
My heart goes out to you and I hope you don’t take offense to this bold advice, Your friend on this forum, Martha
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