Thinking of putting the kiddo in school- advice/support welcomed

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  • Renee
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    retrofam – food is a huge issue for me as well, gluten actually triggers textbook MS symptoms! I would have never known but had to cut it out when my daughter was diagnosed with food allergies while I was still nursing. I was going to a neurologist, MRI, etc. Whole30 is another good place to start for figuring out sensitivities (a totally different basis compared to Feingold though). The kids and my husband all can tell a difference depending on what I have had to eat.

    Wings2fly
    Participant

    So sorry for the loss of your family member, and sorry I had overlooked this important factor before.  You said “the death greatly affected myself and my little one, 4 yrs.”  Do you think it affected your 7 year old too?  Anger is one of the stages of grief.  She may not be showing her grief in the same ways that you and your 4 yo are.  The root of her anger may be the grief she does not know how to deal with or express in other ways, and takes it out on her little sister.  Have there been any other major life changes?  Moves, new bed, births, marriage, divorce, etc.?  Encourage her to talk about her feelings and let her know it’s okay that she feels this way.  Maybe she is having trouble getting to sleep for the same reason.  At night, when the busyness of the day calms down enough, she may be thinking and reflecting more on what is bothering her.  Help her talk about her feelings and then pray with her about them.  It should comfort her to know that ultimately God is in control.  It may take months or years to get through and may need the help of counseling.

    Help her express her feelings in better ways.  This could be through the arts: paint, draw, play music, dance, etc. or going for a walk.  It would probably really help her to get outside more.  On one of the DVD’ s for high school from SCM, Sonya Shafer talked about how time in nature helps to reset the emotions.  Fresh air, sunshine, and exercise are as important as nature study.  It’s okay to bundle up and go out in cooler weather as along as it is above freezing.

    You said she likes to dance and you play the radio during the day.  What kind of music is it and how does it affect her mood?  Calming, happy music should have a calming, happy affect on her mood.  Classical, hymns, and some music made for young children are some good choices.  I can share what we like if it would help.

    I hope we are of some help to you.  I am no expert, so I may be totally off on some ideas.  Pray about what us right for your family.  I have more ideas to share later about homeschool books, etc.

    Wings2fly
    Participant
    Wings2fly
    Participant

    ReneeS, I hope you are still with us.  I have been praying for you.  Please give us an update when you can.  I am back today to finally address your concerns for homeschool books and curriculum.  This was probably your main reason for coming here.  Charlotte Mason said that education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life.  So you see that everything else in the home and the child’s life affects the homeschool.  Good habits and discipline are of great importance in training up young children.  Homeschooling is an atmosphere of learning.

    I highly recommend a few books for you to read.  The Unhurried Homeschooler by Durenda Wilson is a quick, encouraging read.  72 paged Kindle book is $2.99 & print is $5.99.  Well worth your time and money.  The Early Years but Sonya Shafer on this site is a great book on CM that would be applicable to both of your children, even with the 7 yo starting some formal schooling.  Her free ebooks on this site are good, quick reads too.

    For readers, you need to find something she takes interest in, at or below her reading level, to build confidence.  Read aloud or play audio books above her reading level.  Use your library.  Try to find audio to go with the readers so she can read along.  Or take turns reading.  You read one sentence or page, and then she reads one before it is your turn again.  At that age, my daughter really liked the Biscuit dog readers.  Arnold Lobel and Bob books are popular.  I would allow some twaddle at first if that is what they are interested in reading for practice.  By reading aloud or playing audios of quality literature, she will start to get a taste for it over twaddle.  And you can play the audio book at bedtime and still count it for school.  If you are not opposed to computer sites for your children, I highly recommend starfall website to help her learn to read.  Much of it is free, but you can buy a year of full access if it is working for her.  It is a very independent, interactive learning through games and short stories, and I believe it is ad-free.

    You can play Mister Rogers videos for social studies, science, and Fine Arts.  He shows how things are made and teaches children about the world around them.  He also builds their confidence and discusses feelings.  It would be good for you to watch together.  It helps me understand my children better and remember what it was like to be a child.  (I watched it when I was little.)  There are some episodes on pbskids.org you can watch.  It is probably on your local PBS station, but they seem to play it only once a week on the weekend at about 5 am.  But you can record it to watch at a more convenient time.  For more episodes, it is on Amazon Prime streaming.  But don’t substitute the new Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.  It is NOT nearly the same!

    If you want to go another route, you can use picture books to teach subjects.  Five in a Row can be used for both your girls at the same time.  It is an enjoyable learning experience and lends itself nicely to CM methods.

    I am curious what you used last year for your “light” year.  She may have learned more than you think.  She just may need help in the skilled subjects of reading, writing, and math.

    The fine motor skills used for writing can be improved through drawing too.  You could try a Draw Write Now book.  Check your library.

    Right Start is a solid math curriculum.  We used it.  You can set the guide aside and play the card games if she is struggling with anything in particular.  We supplemented with Mathtacular DVD too.

    Think of “school” as meeting state requirements.  Learning happens all the time.

    Daily:

    Math – Rightstart

    Language Arts – AAR, Starfall or library readers, audio books and/or picture books, drawing with writing of a few words

    A few times per week for each subject:

    Science – Nature Study and walks, library books of interest, Mister Rogers video

    Social Studies – Bible, Mister Rogers, map drills

    PE and Health – gymnastics, playing outside, cooking with you as you share nutrition info.

    Fine Arts – Artist Picture study, Classical music composer study, Hymns, Mister Rogers video, Draw, Paint, Dance, see a performance, visit an art museum or children museum.

    Your 4 yo will pick up on much of what you do with your 7 yo by just tagging along.  It will be different for her, learning as a family.

    She does not need to narrate everything at this age.  She is just starting to learn this skill.  Narrate short stories like Aesop or just one or two paragraphs.  Narration can also be through play, drawing, building with bricks, etc.

    It is great that she loves hearing the Bible!  You can also play Bible stories at bedtime for extra Bible.  Your Story Hour has dramatized audios, or Uncle Rick at Character Concepts reads the Bible passage and then explains to the kids in conversational tone.

    Character and habit training are more important in the early years than academics.  They can easily catch up on academics if good habits and attitudes are in place first.

     

    A book that helped me in my marriage is The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.  If no babysitter, plan a special time together after the kids are in bed.  Dinner, movie, dessert, puzzle, game, etc.

    https://wheremytreasureis.wordpress.com/2016/02/25/at-home-date-nights-an-update/

    Wings2fly
    Participant

    Another good read is Five Love Languages and/or the one for Children.

    Claire – I appreciate the different perspective you bring to our discussions.  We never really know if we are on-target with the op, but I can learn from what you share.  Thanks.  Everyone is different and we must pray about what is right for our own families.

    CrystalN
    Participant

    I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. My oldest had a few years just like you are describing. He spent first grade crying  under our kitchen table! I spent first grade crying myself to sleep at night thinking I couldnt possibly do it another day. He did not listen, could not listen. He hated all academics and my whole house was ruled by him and his behaviour. I was embarrassed to go anywhere with him and I felt like a failure. It turned out he had some dietary deficiencies and some heavy metal toxicity, but I had to go through a million different “try this” ideas before ending up at an alternative doctor to treat him. He is in 7th grade and still hates all things academic, but he is a joy to be around and neither of us cry daily.   All that is probably not too helpful, but I just wanted to encourage you, it will get better. Here are a few things that helped me get through it.

    Diet, my son reacts violently to red coloring, and msg throws him into crazy mood swings. Keep a diary and see if there is any connection. Also blood sugar, if he hasnt eaten enough protein and healthy fat he cannot focus.

    Time off, we pretty much took 2nd grade off. I chose a curriculum that wouldnt feel like school to him. He did no reading or writing that year. We read aloud most of the day, did crafty things and math. In my state we are required to teach the subjects, but how often and in what way are flexible.  Yes he is a little behind still, but by high school he will be on track.

    Less sleep, weird I know, but this kids needs very little sleep. He has always been a night owl. It was so bad when he was young we would let him fall asleep on the couch next to us while we watched Bible study videos or read. I know, bad parenting, it was a survival thing for us. He goes to bed just fine now, no fighting, no dragging his feet.

    Dont be hard on yourself. God gave you this child because you are the best choice for her mother. He will give you what you need to parent her. The book of James tells us that we can ask for wisdom and it will be given to us, not might be given, WILL be given. Just pray and trust. He is faithful to lead.

    I dont know how much that helps, but for me just letting go of academics and focusing on dealing with behaviour was a big deal and helped tremendously. First we had to deal with health though, there is no way my son could have improved if his diet had not been addressed.

    We all go through times when we dislike a childs behavoiur and feel like seperating them would make life easier, but I think that can make things worse.

    I will be praying for you.

     

     

    ReneeS
    Participant

    Sorry for the delay in answer.

    Happykratzers- I am in Kuna, I think we were talking on the Treasure Valley homeschoolers page 🙂

    GouldFamily5-Renee 🙂 -Thank you so much for your prayers and your words! I read them that day and it was exactly what I was needing to read. We do have a couple of enrichment programs in the area. I  like the idea since she’s still homeschooling for the most part but does have another person, situation during the week. I think your advice about getting me together and my marriage working towards a good spot before making a choice is excellent, I really didn’t think about that part I was just going for lets make this better NOW.

    sarah2016- The school would be a private non-denominational Christian school, I have three that have really looked like good prospects, one is too expensive but I keep it as an option just in case. I think if I do move forward in the school direction we will tour and “interview” them.

    ReneeS
    Participant

    Wings2fly- You ask great questions that help me think more of her and what may or may not be working.

    Eating- I did forget the snacks they are at 10 and 3 and sometimes a 4:30 is needed. We eat generally at the same times together at the table for each eating time, rarely is food to go someplace besides the kitchen/table. If we wake early then the routine is pushed down and 4:30 snack is a must. The oldest eats snacks decently, usually finishes them but is sometimes picky, meals are difficult. She is very sensitive to tastes, smells, and textures and once something is of the list of things she likes it is gone for good. One month she eliminated like 5 foods that she enjoyed, that was in July and she hasn’t eaten them since.

    Sleep- I never thought maybe the time was too early for her. I was thinking that since she just goes constantly that she would need to get more rest but if she’s staying up anyways…  The two girls share a room and they have a sound machine on at night, there is a orange glow nightlight they both insist on which is fine. They will talk and giggle and then most times it turns into fighting. I never thought about an audio book to help her sleep or music.—Would you recommend this on a player where they both hear the audio or maybe just an mp3 player or something with some headphones for the oldest since the 4 year old goes to sleep very well and quickly if she’s not bothered??

    Thank you again for your thoughts on this and your prayers!!

     

    ReneeS
    Participant

    claire~ your advice was great no worries 🙂 I like the idea of stepping back checking if things are really as bad as one thinks they are. It is easy to get sucked in and feel like its all awful all the time when things are going less than right. Thank you for pointing out school tickles back in when the love and joy is back in the family dynamics, that really hit me. Our routine does get off when things aren’t good with me or the marriage but I apparently expect these two little children to continue on as normal when things are off, pretty unreasonable when I get real with myself!

    Renee #3 🙂 And RetroFam  – Diet!!! I actually started thinking about this this morning. I have a bunch of food allergies, when I don’t eat them I feel better but not so much that I don’t eat them even though they effect my immune system, very poor choice on my part. I did paleo for a while and it was great, hard, very hard to not go for grains and dairy or sugary stuff especially for the kids. I try to limit sugar for the kids because the oldest just gets whacked out of her mind when she has more than maybe one small piece. I haunt heard of Fierigold Diet but will look into it. Interesting you bring up tomatoes because my oldest will NOT eat anything with them on it/in it in any form!! She used to love pizza and spaghetti (and anything with spag. sauce on it), all of a sudden she refused them like literally in a couple days time. Now its like I have put poison on her food and she will have the biggest fit over spag. sauce on something, she’d rather not eat than have sauce on anything.

    I have thought about the behavior issue going into school and her having issues there, if they followed her there then it would be setting her up for failure for sure :(. Or I really could see her being great at school, engaged, happy etc and them getting home and just falling apart on a daily basis.

    The control issue- leader, needs not met or fearful of being hurt…I only ever thought of her simply just wanting to be in charge not what could be the source of it all. Thank you for pointing this out!!

    ReneeS
    Participant

    Crystal- Wow Thank You! I needed someone to point out that God made the choice of me as her mom on purpose! I tell my girls God put them together for a reason, that He believes they are the best choice of siblings for each other, I have been forgetting to tell myself that He chose me as the best choice for them as well, seriously tears of relief and comfort came from reading your words on that. When you took that time off but had a relaxed curriculum what type of school but not school things did you take from to guide him to be learning but not formally? Less sleep is such a overwhelming idea, she didn’t go to sleep until after 10 last night and woke up at 6 this morning. My husband and I are just waiting for bedtime by about 6 and he hasn’t even been with them all day. But if she’s up anyways then she clearly isn’t tired to the point of being able to settle in and sleep so why make her lay there and try to be quiet so her sister can sleep? They do want to stay in the same room, Ive asked if one wants to move to the guest room both adamantly say No to that idea and they would miss each other (those sweet moments surprise me). I think diet may have something to do with the issues. She eats a lot of pasta and fruit but would like to eat processed and super sugary stuff. She refuses all diary, except gouda and ice cream as well as anything with tomatoes on or in it. I never considered something else besides food affecting her.

    mrsmccardell- Outside time- She says she’s scared of weeds. I literally have picked every weed out of our lawn so she could go out. Right now she is outside for the second time today 🙂 , it just snowed today and winter is her favorite season. I haven’t gotten any other reasons except weeds and “I just don’t want to!” More thinking and observing to be done here I think, I had always just left it at that because the fight that comes with trying to get her outside is tiring.

    Narration- Yes I let her narrate other ways, like drawing during or after I have read something or asking her to “show” me what happened in trying to have her kind of act it out. She loves cooking and coming up with her own recipes. we have made a few of her creations and they are good. She used to have me right down stories she would create, not so much anymore though.

    I like the responsibilities Including school equals privileges like gymnastics, that might motivate her more thank you for bringing that up. And instead of thinking of the bad behavior as a negative think of it as a teaching moment. I think I’ve been just trying to get to the end of the day so long now that I have let go of that idea due to my being worn down, and the oldest so willing to melt down and the entire family being upset that it’s just a race to snuff the fit. I think you are spot on with the maturity thing. She use to be ahead of her age mature wise and then she turned 5 and since then it seems like things slowly digressed mature wise or just didn’t go up with age. If that is so then I can see how her defiance may not be purposeful but a way of trying to say whats wrong without knowing how to do it in the expected way.

     

    Wings2fly
    Participant

    So great to hear from you ReneeS.  You sound like you are in a better place now and have lots if ideas to consider and pray over.

    As for bedtime audios, I would try playing it for both children.  You could start with music until the little one gets used to it.  If she is tired, she will go to sleep even with it playing.  Your 7 yo is old enough to decide what she wants to listen to each night.  Use your library for audio books.  I would not use headphones due to risk of strangulation if she fell asleep with them on.  Uncle Rick Bible stories help my children get to sleep.  I listen too sometimes and find them comforting.  HTH.

    CrystalN
    Participant

    We used Five in a Row the year we took off. And Math U See. It was the best homeschool year ever actually. My sons vocabulary and reading ability grew by leaps and bounds and all I was doing was reading aloud! We did the activities that appealed to us and learned about any animals we encoutered in our books (science). I think we may have done some copywork that year, in fact I think we used Queens language lessons. Thats all we did and it was really good for us. It completely reset our “school” attitude.

    As far as outside time, we have issues getting out also, the back yard is just boring and getting to a park or something is challenging. We find family walks are the best way for us. The kids might take scooters or roller skates and we just walk the neighborhood.

    Food – it sounds like more protein and healthy fat may help.  I know when my kids get too many carbs in the morning it starts a blood sugar yo yo all day, they crave bread and sugar if they start out with carbs. I try to do lots of eggs or smoothies with nuts and coconut oil in them, we do turkey sausage also. Its usually a fight, they always want toast or oatmeal. I tell them they may have their choice of carb AFTER they have eaten what I make them. That usually appeases them and  90% of the time they are too full for a second breakfast.

    I will share this with you just because it is on my mind and we had a rough day yesterday. It is an issue I deal with always and it may not apply to your situation but it is on my heart. In my house the kids get wacko very quickly, my 13yo is a bit immature and he and his 7yo brother can get out of control quick. I find that I tend to yell A LOT, instead of disciplining. Yesterday I spent the morning yelling and then had a meltdown because the behaviour wasnt stopping. That is mom who had the meltdown in cas you missed it. That of course caused the kids to meltdown until we were all in tears. I hope I am not the only one who isnt perfect….. Anyway I realized I had fallen back into the “yelling as discipline” habit that I struggle with. In my case, I really need to swiftly address an issue before it progresses to out of control. If I had just sent everyone to their room when the chaos started it would have stopped the behaviour and prevented moms yelling and crying. Admittedly the kids will spend much time in their rooms at first, but once they realize there will be consquences instead of yelling that should get better. Last night my oldest did not get off the computer when told to so I calmly to,d him he would have zero screen time the next day. I walked away and he did not get off. There was no yelling, though I was super fuming. When he finally got off and I pointed out he lost the next days screen time he said “I think I like the yelling better”. I am not suggesting you have this problem, but sometimes we are so frustrated and feel so helpless dealing with the same exhausting behaviour. It feels like it will never end no matter what we do so we just stop trying to be effective and just react in anger or frustration. We get into a weird rut, and it accomplishes nothing. At least I do. “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:9

    You are doing good! You will reap in due time.

    mommamartha
    Participant

    Dear Renee S., Firstly, I can relate!

    Sometimes I feel I don’t have the energy to keep up.. When physical activity is not apart of my day, I feel sluggish and less alert. I am a mother to 4 children, 3 DS and 1 DD, oldest 20, youngest 8, and there is a lot of energy in our house.

    Growing up, my parents adopted 2 children that needed the Fingold diet. (sp) They were both allergic to natural and synthetic red colors, no fruit punch, tomatoes or strawberries fresh from the garden.

    Back at my house, if I don’t have a pretty extreme physical fitness event, that includes running, swimming, playibg outside in snow for 60 minutes, my children don’t sleep, eat or focus very well. Up early, a quick cheesestick and outside you go.

    Our 2nd son, 15, helps with neighbor barn chores at two places before school begins and he has helped for many years doing this. Upon waking, in winter, we walk 1,2 or 3 miles with Leslie Sanzone, indoor walking aerobics. Our library has many copies we borrow routinely.

    In winter it may be hard, but if she’s awake at 6, could you 2,4 go walking at an inside track and listen to music/audio book, swim at the WMCA, roller/ice skate at an outdoor rink, go to a 4-h club that works with animals, volunteer to help at a neighbors ranch.

    We live in NY now, but for a year we lived in Laramie,WY and it’s so beautiful and recreational. Does your family enjoy skiing, sledding, snowboarding? Our winter activities include ice-fishing, ice and rollerskating, sledding and snow play, barn chores everyday for all of us, inside walking aerobics, snowmobiling, 4 wheeling, hunting, snowshoeing, fires in our firepit at night, walks on the road when it’s safe(tonight we’re forecasted for 2 feet of snow). Also, maybe you have a neighbor boy or girl that could come by 2-3 times a week to play outside with your dd’s. Maybe someone from church. Often times our neighbors are over to play, and maybe the hour they are outside could be a special time for you and your husband.

    My husband and I enjoy playing card games and I mention it and he gets all excited. I know my husband gets most stressed out with me when I complain to him how hard my job is and when I’m stressed. It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve taken many of my grudges, (needs) to God instead.

    Ever watched War Room? Great movie for couples!

    My DH has no involvement with schooling, hasn’t for 14 yrs., and has in the last 6 months enjoyed a read aloud with the two youngest in our bed at night. I view this as a miracle from God! He has heard my pleas for involvement in our children’s lives! He says it relaxes him and I tell him how much this means to me because he reads personal favorites to them, horse and fishing stories.

    This is a long haul, learn from my mistakes. MY DH isn’t a christian and I’m saved. It is very difficult, but christian radio helps me feel a closeness with God throughout the day, while I do dishes, make breakfast, welcome, my family and children home. Mother’s are the life blood and attitude of our family. God is for marriage! Try on youtube the song:”Broken Together” by Casting Crowns, whenever I hear this song it reminds me that saved or not, we are both sinners that have made a pledge upon marriage and grace, love, peace and hope, just like advent can and is enough.

    I feel I could type forever and this was good for me to work through as I type it to you. I hope you find something here useful.

    Know I’m praying for all homeschool mothers and families out there!

    Blessings, Martha

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