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she wants to go to school next year
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My 8th grader, who has been homeschooled all the way through, is saying that she would like to attend the public high school next year. We are surprised. To add to the surprise, her two older siblings, one graduated and in college and one almost finished, have told her they think she should. They have both said that they feel like they missed out on opportunities and friends, and the rites of passage type things that going to high school affords.
I am trying not to take it personally. I feel that we have given them every opportunity we could. There are not many homeschoolers around here who continue on through high school. We would have to travel an hour each way for them to be part of any sort of homeschool high school co ops and classes. So, we didn’t do that. They are all very well read and have loved the freedom that homeschooling affords. They have all done well with a CM approach.
Our older children have been involved in as many things as we could manage and have quite a group of friends. I know, because they often end up at my house! I am surprised, and saddened, to hear that they feel that they missed out.
We still feel homeschooling is the best for our family. I have fundamental issues with public education. I was once a public school teacher. I am not a fan of common core, standardized testing, loads of homework, etc… that would be the bulk of my child’s life if she attends public school. I think this child would have a harder time with the long days, lots of homework, and then keeping her demanding ballet schedule. I have shared that with her and she says she knows it will be hard, but she wants to do it anyway. She’s 13. So she really doesn’t know. But I have resisted saying so.
I am unsure how to proceed. Lots of prayer over the coming months. I am glad we have time to decide.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? Any advice?
I did go through something like this but what really got me on my knees was that I felt totally stressed about the idea of homeschooling for high school, even though I thought that was what I would do.
Also my son wanted more of a social environment, he was tired to be home.
Fortunately our church has a really good private school in the area so that is what we ended up doing.
Our second son skipped 8th grade so he could go this year too. It is easier for me to focus on homeschooling the 2 youngest this year and do things with kids their ages.
I know a lot of people homeschool through high school, a lot of them on this site, so I am sure you will get much better ideas from them than from me but all I can say is pray that you find what is best for you and your family.
We made lots of changes in our homeschool based on our experiences with our oldest. We joined a formal co-op and are building a community for our family.
If homeschooling is important to you, you need to figure out a way to provide community for your daughter. Whether that be driving to another town, starting your own co-op, etc.
I spent way too many years thinking that we had everything in our home that our children needed. I am floored at the benefits of community. I wish I had given it to my oldest.
It’s a hard decision and praying about it is the right approach. Our family has experienced both options. Our oldest children went to Christian high schools, largely due to the lack of homeschoolers and opportunities that were available for them to participate in extra curriculars. For our younger children, we purposely moved to a place where they would have more opportunities as homeschoolers. That involves co-op, sports teams, drama productions as well as the presence of more high school homeschoolers.
Being able to participate in these things and being a part of the larger community of homeschoolers has been a HUGE blessing. I would hate to be doing high school without it. It is a huge time investment, but so worth it to be able to homeschool and still have the benefits of community.
Sending our older kids to “real” high school worked out ok, but it did make a separation in our family. We were not as invested and involved in their every day lives as we are now with the younger ones.
No one can tell you what the right decision is for your circumstances, but I would encourage you to consider the co-op even though it means much driving time for you. If possible, maybe you can join yet this schoolyear so that you can see if that might be the answer your dd is looking for before making a decision about public school.
I had one that went to public high school and he did fine with it. I know how you feel about them going to school. I felt the same way, but he needed to be out of the house. It worked out well for him. For my daughter she really had the same choice when it came to high school. For her we took a different route. She really wanted choir and possibly art at school, but not so much the rest. In our state homeschool students can attend public school for any of the elective classes. So dd goes to school each day for choir. She has the social outlet and we homeschool the rest. It is a disruption of our day, but this is what is working for her.
When our oldest was about 12/13, he wanted the same thing: public junior high/high school. He’s not an extrovert, so I was surprised by his request, but he thought it might provide him a better opportunity to make, and keep, friends (he had a much harder time keeping friends even with a co-op and the many opportunities he has had). What we found that really changed his mind was to give him more independence. He was craving independence…like a butterfly breaking through it’s cocoon. I did everything I could to give him every opportunity for independence possible.
For him, that meant riding his bike around town to meet a friend or to the gym, staying home while the other boys and I went a field trip, to the store, or wherever. I’m sure we did other things to help facilitate his independence and it worked out well for him. Now he’s a senior and enjoys being homeschooled very much…actually he says that he is grateful for the opportunity. His girlfriend is in public school and he’s been able to go to a prom and she was able to attend one with my son. He says his biggest “beef” right now is one book selection and his classmates (LOL).
He has also been able to witness high school through his girlfriend’s experience and talk about the differences. She’s okay where she is but does say that she wished she had more time to work on what she plans to do for a living after high school. She sees my son as being able to do that and the academics that are required for high school graduation. They do some of his school work together and it’s been so awesome to see them enjoying what I’ve chosen for him.
I *think* that for my son, his desire to go to ps was born out of “just not knowing” that he could be friendless at PS as well as HS and working through what he was *really* wanting helped so much.
I hope this helps.
If it was me, I would try to find other ways to help your child get what they need with out PS. But saying that, many schools are different than where I live, and would not be “that bad” ours are pretty “rough” in our area and people try hard to get them into other options.
I grew up being homeschooled in a small town with no other homeschoolers, no coops… Church was a big “outlet” for making friends (where I met my husband). He was in PS, as were all my friends. I went to prom and homecomming with them. Honestly I felt like I had best of both worlds. I did homeschool, swam on city swim team(had friends there as well), had time for a job, had time for friends… my friends all said they would have rather been homeschooled to have freedom to do other things.
School does not leave much time for social time. My niece in highschool is so busy at school, sees friends in passing but not socially, then add in homework in evenings and sports… she does not see her friends that often. Many of my friends have their kids in PS and their kids have very little time for social get togethers. I think there is this idea that PS is a time to visit with friends, but it is kept busy and takes so much time it actually seems to reduce the amount of time to make friends.
It is a tough choice, but like previous poster said, maybe try to find other ways to help meet your childs needs. But if it come to PS being best fit, there are many ways to make that a great education as well.
Ladies,
Your encouragement has been so kind.
We really don’t want to send her to school. For many reasons. I do think it is a misconception on all of their parts about what PS really is. They think they will have 100’s of friends!
Their PS friends tell them often that they wished they were homeschooled. Especially the ballet students. They are up till midnight trying to keep up with homework and getting up at 5:30 to get ready for school. Crazy.
Actually, she already has a nice group of friends through ballet that do things with her outside of ballet. I have told her that public school kids may know a lot of kids, but they have about the same amount of true friends that she has.
I am looking into a high school co-op. It is 50 minutes one way, but the classes are upwards of $500 plus each class. Nothing more casual any closer. We are in a desert! Our church is using a public middle school on Sunday mornings so I can’t even start something in our church. We are the only homeschoolers anyway.
I have helped try to start a few casual co-ops in our area over the years; they never take off. Not enough interest and not enough older kids.
Here, most everyone send the kids to private or public high school. The private ones are 50 minutes to an hour one way. Makes for a long day and difficult to be a part of extra curricular things.
So, I continue to pray that God will open doors and guide us. I want what is best for her, but also want to keep her heart from becoming bitter towards us.
Oh my goodness!! That’s expensive! Could you start your own co-op?
We’ve been blessed by the one we have been in for five years. My son started it when he was 10, and he’s now almost 15. There is a group of about 6 teens that have been in it since the beginning, and they are all best friends, want to live on the same street as one another when they grow up, and are all making this journey to adulthood together. This year they are doing IEW Windows to the World and Dave Ramsey’s Foundations in Personal Finance together.
Hope you can find something that works for you! My son started wanting a lot more independence around that age, also. It’s a challenging transition.
For her sake, I would be willing to put in the work of a co-op, but honestly there are not many homeschooled teens locally at all. It is odd. Not sure I would have the help and resources to pull it off. There is a classical conversations group about 30 minutes away, but that is not something we feel called to do curriculum wise. Maybe I should look into it anyway.
CC for high schoolers is a full curriculum, from what my friend tells me.
🙁
Praying that you will find an answer to this challenge!
What about a community college for her Junior and Senior year. We had no coops, no homeschoolers really in my area growing up but we took 1-2 classes at our community college. It was a great way to get experience, get out, and get a head for college. or what about online for specific subjects? I know a girl doing VP for some subjects and loves the online group classes. It is real time so fun interaction, a teacher but no travel involved. She also likes that it includes kids from all over, so variety of students
Our local universities allow juniors and seniors to take classes at very reasonable costs- some even free! My older two have done that. So, yes that will be an option for her eventually.
I understand the struggle. And, I also agree w/ you in that I do not want my dd at the ps, for many reasons. She honestly has more freedom and options being hsed than going to ps, which she doesn’t quite grasp yet.
My dd is 9th this year, and wants to go to the ps. She actually asked if she could start now. I think the biggest reason on the timing and thinking it’s possible is that a boy who was on the soccer team at the private school just started at the public school once the season was done. (Dd played soccer for the private school along w/ another hser.) She takes band and chorus at the ps now, so she has connections there.
Honestly, She doesn’t understand the workload, and I’m sure has this glorified picture in her mind. She’s also very social, so I think that has a lot to do w/ it. She’s also asked to go to the dance next month. (I really have mixed feelings about that, too.)
We had a co-op of sorts here but it fell apart/stopped a couple of years ago because the main co-ordinator sent her dc to ps. No one stepped in. I do make sure she does the things that interest her, even if it means our schedule is a bit more hectic. It’s hard at times, but I know that in the long run, she’ll be happier and possibly more content (at least accepting) of being hsed.
My 2nd ds wanted to go to ps when he was in 6th. We agreed that if he sat up and did his work to prepare, we would consider sending him for 7th. Hubby made the decision to send him, w/out any options for him to come home. (Horrible mistake!! I should have stood up and taken him out when I saw signs of things. We learned, and he grew through it.) Ds had a glorified picture of ps because we started when he was in 3rd grade, so ps was still “fun.” He saw, and voiced it later, that he didn’t learn ANYthing that year, because they didn’t teach.
My oldest ds was in ps for 8th and 9th, for completely different reasons, and I was not impressed. He didn’t get the help he needed either, even after requesting specific supports. I remember what it was like at the high school and certainly do not want it for dd.
We take it one step at a time. I don’t know if we’ll hs or send her to ps at this point. We’ll cross that next year, but I’m going to do everything I can to keep her home. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone and that different dc will want to go at different times for different reasons. It’s OK. They are normal.
Acknowledging their needs, trying to understand what it is that they’re looking for, and attempting to meet their needs will go a long way, even if it’s not recognized at this point in their lives. You’re doing a great job and will continue to do so regardless of which option you use for schooling your dc. HTH
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