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really overwhelmed…little boys and school/life
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I feel really overwhelmed nearly every day trying to get through school with my 1st grader and 4th grader. It’s not their actual work that’s the problem–1st grade DS’s takes about an hour a day, and 4th grade DD’s 2.5-3 hours (she works mostly independently and does some of her work before breakfast and some after lunch sometimes). It’s trying to manage my 2.5 YO and almost 5 YO while I do school with the 1st grader, and after that trying to manage all three little boys while I do school with the 4th grader. My boys are loud, extremely active, wild, and they all climb anything and everything. They really need to be separated and directed (ie basically told what to do and where to do it) at all times if there’s to be anything resembling calm and quiet. If they play together or are not directed, they constantly do things they shouldn’t, or are loud and wild and inevitably something gets broken or someone gets hurt. I really do not have the option of sending one to a different room to play (other than the living room…we do school in the dining area next to it) because they are so untrustworthy and only get into trouble and fight. Same thing with sending them outside. I often resort to turning on a movie because I feel so overwhelmed and simply do not know what else to do with them. It is not just school either–they get up between 6 & 6:30 and so need to be managed and directed for 1.5-2 hours until breakfast time at 8:00, and then for the time after school also. It’s exhausting to need to supervise them so closely all the time. I keep writing plans for what they’ll do at X, Y, and Z times of day, but have trouble remembering them even when they’re written down, and more trouble not getting thrown off by all the things that inevitably pop up during the day requiring plans to be altered slightly.
What we currently do during school time:
Short devotions and 1-2 short RAs during breakfast
Boys play while I spend 10-15 minutes with DD going over her math and doing a couple of minutes of ASL practice (I try to keep them separated and occupied but it isn’t working well)
Younger 2 sit at the table, 2 YO strapped into his booster seat, while I work for about 30 mins with the 1st grader (this mostly works ok)
Younger 2 move to living room and sit on mats with a set of toys while I work for about another 20 minutes with the 1st grader (this doesn’t work well…2 YO doesn’t stay put well) (I’ve been trying to mix this up a little and spend some time reading with the younger two before finishing up with the 1st grader…but then he has trouble refocusing)
All 3 boys go outside or sit on separate mats w/toys while I listen to DD narrate, correct her work, or help her with anything she needs help with (this does not work well at all).I have some health problems and get very easily overwhelmed by noise and movement, to the point of not being able to think…and there is always plenty of noise and movement with three little boys. I also have trouble focusing & concentrating and very little ability to multi-task, so if I’m doing one thing, I have a hard time even noticing what is going on around me which makes it very difficult to watch children and do anything else. I want to make homeschooling work (this is our 2nd year) but nearly every day I think of sending them to the 1/2 day Christian school DD used to attend so that I can have half a day of feeling less overwhelmed with only two kids. The thought of hs’ing next year with a 2nd grader who will have more work than this year but likely still need my focused attention for all of it (he’s super easily distractible), and adding a K’er to the mix…seems thoroughly impossible.
((HUGS)) I hear you. Really, little boys are everywhere here. (Girls are 14 and 9. Boys are 10, 7, 6, 4, 3, 2, and another due in 4 weeks.) You have to work within your own limits but here are things I do that help me. Your mileage may vary.
1. More of the seatbelted table time! Break it up, but do it. 2 or 3 times if need be. Playdoh. Puzzles. Crayons. Invest in color wonder products (fun, can be like paint or markers but only works on special paper so it doesn’t actually make a mess anywhere). Thinking putty. Magnatiles. Add interesting things to the playdoh time like popsicle sticks. Stringing cheerios and then eating them. Cutting paper with child scissors (that aren’t supposed to cut hair). Chalk on construction paper. Water with paintbrushes on construction paper. Water beads. Magnetic dolls (clothing magnets on, they have boy ones with dress up outfits at Melissa and Doug toys)
2. Would a timer help you notice when you need to move them to a new activity?
3. Make judicious use of shows/dvds. It’s ok. Really. You can do something they love or even sneak in something semieducational (magic school bus, Leap Frog dvds, Signing Time, etc – all of these are on Netflix if you have it).
4. Include them in sign language! It’s hands on. Have the 4th grader teach them a new sign or two or three each day or each week. Then they practice it during her practice time. Stand in a circle and let them wiggle (better yet, start by teaching them signs for movements like sit, stand, walk, hop, skip).
5. Pray and trust that YOU are the best mom for them and while it isn’t easy, God isn’t surprised by your situation and it’s difficulties. He’ll help you. He’ll magnify what you CAN do and multiply it in your children’s lives.
As for finding an outside preschool/school for them to be at, maybe. I would just caution you that it would put another pull on your energy because you would have an imposed schedule with drop offs and pick ups, etc. For me, I know what energy I have won’t stretch that far. For you, it could be right. Only you will know! (I have minor but ongoing health issues with my thyroid. The main symptom is exhaustion. Followed by weight issues. Not fun and I know there are many who have much more to handle. Our main medical needs in the family are my 3 year old’s.)
I love Tristans ideas and agree. I have 7 kiddos and the 1st 5 are boys with 2 girls at the end. The boys even still at 17 to 9 are very active and easily distracted. Seperating them is a good one, table/sit time activities are good, audio book time is good, and yes even TV/movies can be good.
I feel for you and know you are not alone. Boys need to move, don’t hold their attention span as long BUT they are so much fun! Hang in there momma you are doing an amazing job and God knows what you can handle. Might I add another thought, would dad be able to play with the kids for even 30min – an hour at night so you could do some school with one who might need some more focus? Never really worked for us, but for some of our friends this was huge. Either with dad or when the little ones went down to bed/nap times.
Be strong! You are the mom!
These other ladies have great ideas! I know about boys also. Mine are 18, 17, 13, 11, 8, 6, 3 and 8 months. I have a 15 yr. DD that’s a big help but when she’s not here I have to think how I did it when it was me and a bunch of littles.
My thought was that your daughter could watch the little ones while you work with the 1st grader. Then the 1st grader could play with the little guys for at least a short time while you help your daughter. Also, if the little guys nap, I would take advantage of that quiet time to accomplish a little school.
Don’t worry too soon about next year. Your little ones will all be a year older, also. I find every year different and we always make it through. A wise, experienced, homeschool mom once told me that the early years should be spent teaching and training good character above all else. Enjoy those little boys, even if it means simplifying your school routine. They are worth it! And you’re a great mom!
These are some great tips. For me, the written schedule and timers help. Concerning your ability to focus, and your children too, have you researched about the benefits of fish oil? You could also serve low mercury fish, but I use Nordic Naturals fish oils. Flax seed is another option. They are supposed to help with mood and attention, as well as help any joint pain and helps with cholesterol levels too. For children, it is used for adhd and add to help calm them and focus attention better, and also helps brain and eye development. Of course being healthy will help too: getting a full night’s sleep, regular exercise, nutritious meals and snacks at regular times, fresh air, sunshine, etc. Children thrive on a regular schedule and knowing what to expect next. HTH.
I don’t have a slew of boys but I do have 3 pretty active kids. Something that has worked well in our house is to have so active play time before we start school. So send them outside (or go with them) and do relay races or something. It works on listening and burns energy. (Think: start by mommy, run and circle the tree 2 times, run back to mom and give me a high five) this works on their ability to follow a string of instructions and wears them out a bit before you get started.
If they listen to your oldest well you could have her do this while you get breakfast made. I think that kids, especially little boys, need to move. Expecting them to sit for 2-3 hours is kind of setting them up for failure. Not that you can’t expect them to listen, and do what you tell them, but, I find that I start to expect behaviors that my oldest can do and it isn’t fair to want a 2 year old to behave like a 6 year old.
If any of them can still be contained in a crib, I highly recommend independant play time. A couple toys, and a timer. You get them when the timer goes off. Even if they are happy. It will help him learn that crying (or throwing all your toys out) won’t get you out but waiting for the timer will.
Thanks for the suggestions. I will work on incorporating some of them. It might help if they got more “exercise”, though this often seems to make them even wilder (especially indoor exercise…and our weather often isn’t conducive to much outdoor play during our long Montana winters–it’s super windy here besides being cold). Plus the 2 YO wants to join in, and usually ends up getting hurt because the others are so wild.
I have trouble seeing the fun side of little boys…it gets rather lost in their wild, destructive, and crazy-making sides.
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